GHOST
by theD'Urberville
Summary: Loosely based on The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. Bella's a widow, buys a new house which happens to be haunted by none other than Edward Masen. Will Bella stay and find out what he's all about, or will she run away screaming? Is love possible beyond the grave?
1. Preface

_Preface:_

Cold, ghostly, insubstantial – all these things I was afraid of – but it wasn't like that, it wasn't like that at all.

Warm, gently, tingling – a spark that set my skin alight – His hand was in mine and I felt my body react to all these things that my head had been thinking over – He was holding my _hand_ – And I thought I could die right there and be happy.

"Bella?"

I opened my eyes to find his.

"I didn't think it would be like this." He smiled, before leaning forward.

"Are – are you doing what I think you're doing?" I asked, my voice cracking, my heart pounding in my chest. He stopped for a moment, flashing be a crooked grin.

"Are you afraid?"

"No," I told him honestly, scooting closer and clutching onto his hand. I used my other to weave through the bronze locks on the nape of his neck – silky smooth – "But I was afraid you would want to do something else…Like leave." He laughed – it sounded like bells – he was beautiful –

"Don't move, alright," he chided. I would have replied, smarmily, but then he was pressing his lips to mine. No words for that one, not even witty.


	2. Repetition Kills You

**Gah, so new story...I just have so many ideas floating around in my head - this one was one of the most pressing and I just felt like I needed to get it started. So please, read it and tell me what you think. Hopefully it goes over well.**

* * *

Sometimes we don't learn  
From our mistakes  
Sometimes we've no  
Choice but to walk  
Away, away  
- The Script: The End Where I Begin

* * *

My name is Bella Swan and I am a twenty three year old widow. This is the story of how I came to love again.

The house creaked as I opened the front door. Naturally anyone who was looking for a new, exciting place to live would have been put off by the sound, but to me, the sound was like bells chiming, calling me into the place.

"Um, well, I'm sure that's easily fixable, but…I'm afraid this house doesn't have much to offer," the tall, thin, bumbling realtor insisted, his voice thin and quivering. I ignored the comment and traveled further into the house. It was musky-smelling; apparently no one had entered this house for quite some time.

There was dust everywhere, the furniture wrapped up in dusty, white sheets, like lumpy ghosts huddled together. Practically every floorboard my feet touched as I ventured further into the house gave a cry and groan, squealing in protest. It was oddly funny, like the house was talking to me. I moved from the entrance hall, which was small enough, into one of the side rooms, which looked like it had potential to be a living room. The shutters were wooden and drawn, refusing to let in any light. Stepping lightly across the wooden floors so as to keep them quiet, I made my way to the bay window at the front of the house.

My hands deftly unhooked the catches and I had to push roughly on either side to get them to budge, but I managed to open them up. Immediately, sparkling sunlight fell to the floor, coating the room in light – now I could visibly see the floating dust particles that had been stirred by my movements, hovering in the shaft of light. Having the window clear allowed me to get a better look of the room.

It was a fair size, with a couple sheet-covered pieces of furniture. There was space, I could see, for my couch and entertainment center. The woodwork was beautiful – old-looking, but in a grand way, intricate and delicate looking. It reminded me of an old, Victorian-style that I had always admired in some of my friend's houses…Now perhaps I could enjoy it for myself in _my_ home.

"As you can see, it's nothing much. It's a lot of work, what with the floorboards and such…and extremely filthy…It hasn't been clean in years…" the realtor went on, trying to point of the obvious flaws that would make any other home-buyer nod their head in agreement and ask to see a different place. But not me.

"I think there's great potential here…It has character," I added, my eyes searching into the next room. It looked like a hallway that led into a kitchen. I made my way back through there, acutely aware of the realtor following me, his steps unavoidable loud on the creaking floor.

The kitchen was small – no island, small counters, a old, gas stove, no microwave, no utilities that seemed to have been made in this century – it was an old house, after all. The lack of technology didn't bother me, though. I had my own things – this just made it easier. I wouldn't have to sell anything in here. The cabinets were again that old, wooden quality, with beautiful detailing. There was a back door that seemed to lead into the yard – it was expansive moving. I knew I'd have to check it out, but I wanted to finish looking at the rest of the house first.

I wandered back to the hall to check out the rooms on the second floor. A couple bathrooms, a few closets, and two bedrooms – both bedrooms were beautifully furnished, dusty like the rest of the house, but still beautiful none-the-less. There was a colossal bed dominating the center of the room – it was wrought iron with sculpted metal roses that wound around the frame like vines, along the tall posts and eventually came to form a bowery lattice above. There were no curtains on it at the moment, but I suspected there must be some and they were just being stored so as to keep from becoming dusty and moth-eaten. Still, the bed itself was a work of art, magnificent, even and I was astonished by it.

"It's one of the defining features in the house," I heard the realtor whisper behind me. I turned. His face was a mixture of awe and mistrust. "Most people, however, don't usually make it to the second floor – they've seen enough by the time they enter the hallway…and…usually – but that hasn't happened today…so strange…" I frowned at his musings, unsure of what he was speaking of. He looked a bit wary, but I chose to ignore it and entered further into the bedroom. The windows in here were boarded shut with the same wooden blinds. I quickly muscled them open like I had downstairs. They turned out to be floor to ceiling windows and, when opened, gave a breathtakingly beautiful view of the downward slope and stretch of the yard beyond the house. I put a hand to my mouth.

"It's beautiful," I whispered.

"Really, I've never looked through those windows before…" the realtor sounded even more frightened than before, as if he were anticipating an ever approaching doom. I turned to face him, but my eyes caught on something before I could look at him. It was a painting, there on the other side of the wall. It was of a man, lean and tall, with coppery colored hair and strikingly green eyes. His face was set in a serious position, his mouth a thin line, but despite the ominous effect that his countenance had, I couldn't seem to get over how _beautiful_ and intriguing he looked. And he was young, couldn't have been much older than myself, standing there. I wished I could see more of him, but it was merely a portrait, and only head to shoulders was visible.

"Who's this?" I asked, still gazing – in fact I felt entranced by the picture – the man was so captivating.

"Well, he's…um…he was the tenant of the house…He bu-built it actually…All of it…And um, yes." He seemed even more flustered now that I had seen the portrait. I ripped my gaze away to look at him.

"What's his name?"

"Well…His name was Edward…Masen…"

"_Was_?" I asked, frowning, flicking my eyes back to his face, but only for a moment. I didn't want to be captured again. I stared back at the realtor, his face was flushed.

"Yes, well, you see…He _died_….very young, sad story…Anyways he left this house…to no one…The state's been trying to sell it for years…No one's every even made an offer!" Now he sounded put off, rather than afraid. Just then a large gust of wind seemed to rush through the whole house, making it creak and groan and it was almost as if the sound of laughter were echoing throughout.

"Please!" he shouted at me, "Let's just go, Mrs. Newton, let's just _go_! I can't see how you would ever want to live in this place, it's definitely _not_ for you!"

"Why would you say that? I think it's a perfectly fine place for me? What's got you so worried? Aren't you glad I'm interested?"

"Well- well actually the _state_ isn't…So to speak…There was talk of – of _bulldozing_ the place and, and such…"

"What! You mean you'd tear down this _beautiful_, perfectly good home! What for?!"

"You don't understand, Mrs. Newton –"

"Please, it's just Ms. Swan, now, thank you," I replied harshly. I couldn't believe they were trying to destroy this place – it was un_thinkable_ – how could they? My heart went out to the house…it was so amazingly different, so perfect…

"You have to understand, Ms. Swan, that Mr. Masen is not – _was_ not…a very respectable man, nor was he a very – ah – _polite_ person…He made it very difficult in his will for us to even try and sell the place and now it is getting to be a bit difficult with _disposing_ of it as well…"

At that moment, the entire house seemed to shake and what sounded like the cry of an angry animal roared through the house. I clutched my chest in surprise, but the realtor, who seemed frightened, but not at all surprised at this occurrence, clutched his clipboard and took off down the stairs.

"Please come with me, Ms. Swan – this _instant_!" I rushed after him, the house still trembling. I found him trembling in the hall by the door, his face flushed with fear.

"Ms. Swan, as I am sure you've just witnessed, this house is _not_ a suitable living place…there seems to be a – a _spirit_ inside it that makes it entirely uninhabitable – the hole place, well, if there were ghosts I would stake my life by it that there was one living here – but, no matter the fact – surely you can't be serious in taking it now?" He was pleading and just from the fright upstairs I almost agreed with him – but something about this place, about what I felt when I entered it, and how perfect it seemed…I just couldn't let it go.

So I straightened to my full height, which was not very tall, but still, and looked him in the face.

"I will take it. It suits me perfectly – never mind the "_ghosts_" you seem to think possess it. Now, shall we finish out the paperwork?" His face was aghast at my decision – but I wouldn't change it for the world.

_Three months earlier:_

"You know, Bella, this is highly unusual of you – I mean, wanting to live on your own? To move out of here, move out of Phoenix? I mean, _what are you even thinking_? And what about your mother?" I glared at him. What was he trying to do, smother me?

"You know, Phil, I don't even see how this is any of your business?" I told him, pointing my finger at his face, despite the rudeness of the gesture – He was my _stepfather_, not my real one, and I didn't like him anyhow. Who did he think he was, trying to run my life? I was an _adult_ for heavens sake! "And mom, is this really any of your business either? _I'm_ the one who's a widow and is trying to find out what to do with my life – _not you_," I scolded, giving my mother a frown. Phil looked taken aback, but his face was still rather firm. Renee just looked chocked up.

"Bella, honey, please…You know how we both care about you! Mike's death was so sudden and…well…we're just worried that your decision to move is, well, just an emotional reaction – it's unstable and highly irresponsible!" Renee wailed.

I sighed exasperatedly. They just didn't get it. Neither of them did. And this conversation was wearing me out. I was tired of explaining it to them over and over again.

Yes, Mike was dead. Yes, I missed him and my emotions were running high – there was so much to consider, so much to sort through – Yes, I was behaving spontaneously, out of character, but this was what I needed to do – what I felt was _right_. I had spend so many months, a year after Mike's death, just trying to keep my life normal, stable, and practical like it used to be…but it never felt right.

It was only after I had that dream…that dream where I was moving out of Mike's place, throwing all his possessions in the fire and never looking back on the place…It was only after that that I felt _free_ at last…I woke up knowing what I had to do. I needed to _get out_.

"I know it may seem out of character for me mother, but I'm not going to spend all this time waiting around trying to get you to understand. I've made my decision. I'm twenty three, I think that qualifies me for making my own decisions about _my own life_. You can't say anything to change my mind. I'm going, and I'll call you when I get there." I stood up from the table, picking up my coat and keys to my truck. Renee stood too, her eyes swimming in tears, but this time they were tears of anger.

"And _where_ exactly is "_there_"? You haven't even told us _where you're going_!" Phil stood up and put his hands on her shoulders. I rolled my eyes.

"I would tell you if I knew…But I don't. So you're just going to have to live with that now. I'll talk to you…later." I turned my back to them.

"Isabella Marie Swan you get _back_ here _this instant_!!" my mother screeched, but I simply waved my hand as I walked off, a semi-caring goodbye. I was so done with this place.

"Let her go, Renee, she'll be back soon, begging for money when this doesn't work out. You'll see," I heard Phil mutter to her. I wanted to scream at the comment but I kept going, finally reaching the door. Wrenching it open I spoke to no one in particular, "Tell Angela I'll call her later with more details," and then I left. As soon as I was out in the open air, making my way farther from my mother's home, I felt better, freer, more secure. It was funny, walking into the unknown, that I felt like I was finally heading somewhere – I didn't know where the heck I was going to end up, but I was glad I was finally going. Phoenix was to my back, the world was at my feet, and I finally had a clear head on my shoulders.

My name was Bella Newton, wife of Mike Newton, resident of Phoenix, Arizona. Now I am Bella, just Bella – not Isabella, not Bella Newton, not Bellie, Bells, or Bell – Just Bella, resident of Forks, Washington, and proud homeowner, making a new life for herself.

* * *

**Playlist:**

Oh No Oh My – I Painted Your House

Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin – Boring Fountain

Paul Simon – Everything Put Together Falls Apart

The Black Ghosts – Repetition Kills You

The Script – The End Where I Begin

* * *

**So, please review and let me know what you think! Cheers!**


	3. I've Got A Feeling

* * *

All these years I've been wandering around,  
Wondering how come nobody told me  
All that I was looking for was somebody  
Who looked like you.  
- The Beatles: I've Got A Feeling

* * *

_Beep_

Hello, you've reached the new residence of Bella Swan. If you're hearing this that means I'm still cleaning. If you must leave a message, wait for the beep –

_Beep_

"Bella, this is your best friend in the whole wide world Alice speaking – now _pick up the phone_!!! I know you're there Isabella, and I will _not_ hang up until you answer your phone. Pick UP!"

I dropped my rag that I had been using to wipe up the remaining traces of dust off the fireplace in my new living room, but at the sound of Alice's irate tones, I knew I couldn't ignore her. Making my way amidst the strewn sheets, dust piles, and boxes, I finally reached the phone, managing to pick it up before she could yell some more.

"Hello, Alice," I sighed. I knew she'd find me.

"Isabella Marie Swan how could you _do_ that to me, your best friend and all?! I can't tell you how _horrified_ I was when I called up your house to learn from your _mother_ that you had packed up all your things and completely _moved out of state_!! And that you hadn't bothered to tell her where you were going! Do you know how long it's taken me just to _find you_?! How could you do this to _me_!? What have you got to say for yourself!?"

I sighed again. I knew she'd take it like this. Truth was, I hadn't called and told her of my plans because I was afraid she'd try and talk me out of it – I knew that if anyone would be able to talk me out of it _she_ most certainly could – and I didn't want to be talked out of it. I was happy with my plan and I wanted to go through with it, it would be the only way that I might be able to find myself again. I had planned on calling her, once all the papers were settled and once I had finished cleaning up the house…

"I'm sorry, Alice, I – I know what I did was wrong and sneaky of me – I know you're my best friend and it hurt doing it but – but Alice I was afraid…"

"Oh Bella! Don't you know that you can always _talk_ to me? What were you afraid of?" She sounded much sadder now than angry. I was glad this was the case, because an angry Alice was a dangerous Alice. I knew she could overpower me.

"I was afraid that you would stop me from going," I admitted ashamedly – for I was ashamed now – I knew I had made the wrong choice. She was my best friend.

"Stop you!? Bella, I think that this is the best decision you've made since…since…Mike died. I'm glad that you decided to get out – I just – I just wish you could have trusted me with your troubles…I – You know I want to be there for you – We're like sisters!" I was crying now. Leave it to Alice to open my eyes to my own blind decisions.

"I regret not telling you Alice – I – Oh! I wish you were _here_!! I wish I could talk to you face to face! I really need you, and I didn't think about that! I – wait, how did you even get this number?"

"Angela, who else? Bella, you know I would be able to find you wherever you went – I'm smart enough for that!" Right, Angela. I'd told her as soon as I'd found the place. I owed it to her to tell her, since she was my only link left to Mike…

"You're not mad that I told her and not you…?" I asked hesitantly. I heard her sigh over the line.

"No…I understand why you did…I'm glad that you told at least somebody…In case…Well…"

"Alice…"

"Bella, open your door." I frowned. What?  
"What?"

"I said, open your door. You wanted to talk face to face, well, then let me in!" I jumped when I heard a knocking on the solid wood of my new front door. Quickly stumbling past boxes and trash, I made it safely without tripping, and wrenched open the door. And there she was, standing in all her spiky-haired, bouncing glory.

"Alice."

"Bella." We stared at each other for a moment. I wasn't sure if she was still mad at me and I didn't want to be the first to make a move. But then the moment passed and suddenly we launched at each other and I was in her arms and we were hugging and I was crying and it was one big mess of emotions that we both were too tired to hold back anymore.

"I m-missed you!" I sobbed into her shoulder and she was patting my back.

"Bella, I missed you too – I'm sorry," she whispered. I pulled back to look at her.

"W-why are _you_ sorry? I should be the one to apologize! I know what I did was wrong, I should never have left you in the dark! I'm sorry, Alice!" I felt fresh tears sting my eyes and she gave me a sad smile, cupping my face in her hands.

"Bella, I forgive you, okay? Now, why don't we go inside – let me clean you up – Plus I'm hungry." I laughed shakily and put my arm around her waist and led her into my newly broken in home. I saw her look around as we made our way past all the clutter. She looked impressed.

"Quite a task you have before you," she commented, noting the small headway I'd made in dusting the living room and removing the sheets from the already existing furniture. All of my own pieces were still wrapped up inside the U-Haul out back. Forks was a small town, so I knew that it wouldn't take me long to find someone who could help me move the heavier of my belongings into the house. Still, I wanted to save that for last, after I had every room dusted, polished, and wiped down.

"I know, I know, but I've only been here two days…I have barely scratched the surface…"

"I hope you have at least finished cleaning and stocking your kitchen," Alice replied, giving me a sideways look. She knew how much I loved to cook and couldn't stand eating out. I was always so critical of others' cooking that I more often just made my own meals. I nodded, smiling and wiping off the last few tears from my cheeks while leading her back to the kitchen.

The day that the house was mine, well, the day that I owned it through my first mortgage payment, I had immediately started in on the kitchen, dusting, wiping down the beautiful marble counters and cherry wood cabinets, fitting in my microwave, and my toaster. I had to call the gas people to install my Viking stove. I polished the sink – which was the largest I'd ever come across previously, made of copper with glass taps, and I'd stocked it with as many groceries as I could afford until I found work. I had spent all my savings left over from my own bank account to buy the house. Right now I was living off of what Mike's and my joint account had left.

"Wow," was all Alice could articulate when she saw it. The kitchen was on the large side – I was still getting accustomed to it.

"I know," I murmured, taking in the beautiful sight. That kitchen was my pride and joy. The rest of the house was still in the transformation process, but this place was perfect. Alice went over to the sink and pulled out a paper towel, wetted it, and turned to me.

"Sit and spill," she commanded. I sighed and took a seat on one of the bar stools that came with the kitchen. Yes it had a bar counter that looked out into the dining room. Alice came around the counter and started cleaning up my face.

"I'm waiting," she announced.

"Where would you like me to start?" I asked, closing my eyes and relishing in the coolness of the cloth.

"After you left…I want to know what you did to end up here and with this house – then I want to know what you've been up to since I called."

"Well, this is going to be a long story."

"I've got all the time in the world," Alice announced in a singsong voice as she continued to wash my face. I'm sure it was just as dusty as it was salty from my tears – I didn't know because I still didn't have a mirror, not that I was so excited to see the sorry image of myself…

"Well," I began, "after I left Renee and Phil's I just got in my truck and started driving. I really didn't have a plan after that. I knew I wanted to head somewhere that was completely different, someplace new, so I traveled north for a while. I drove until it was dark then stayed at a motel…Then, I guess I must have been really out of it, but I started dreaming about my childhood – where I grew up, up in Washington with my father, Charlie…I don't remember much from that time…Renee took me away when I was so young…but something about the green there, the rain and the coolness of Washington, of Forks…When I woke up I decided that's where I'd head.

"I hadn't been to Forks since I was young, but once I got there, all these…memories just started flooding back – I don't know Alice, but since I came here, I've never once thought back to Mike and all the pain and monotony that I'd been living back in Phoenix…Forks makes me feel…at home – I don't know, I can't explain it."

Alice smiled and nodded in understanding.

"So, I was looking for any place, didn't matter what it looked like – I wasn't going to be picky. In a small town like this, you can't. I went to the realtors and they set me up with some visits…I almost was settling for a small apartment that's more in town, but then the realtor happened to mention this place – he wasn't even going to bring me out here to this place…something about it being too out of the way and too old for it to be suitable for me – but I made him take me. As you can see, the house is kind of out of the way…secluded, surrounded by forest, but it's a good size, it's beautiful in its age, and I just – I don't know! The moment I laid eyes on it, I fell in love!"

"It is a beautiful house," Alice agreed, looking around. "Who was the owner? I can't understand them wanting to give up such a beautiful house!"

"There wasn't one – the state owned the house because the owner died. Edward Masen…he build the place…I've been trying to find out more about him, but no one seems to want to talk about him…Apparently his a legend of Forks, he's been dead for fifty years…he died young, he built the house himself. That's about all I know. No one seems to have liked him very much…"

"Interesting. Well he sure was a good carpenter. He built this place? That's a mighty big job for one person," Alice commented. I merely nodded. "So you bought the place," she prompted.

"Yes, but before – when the realtor was showing me around, there was an…incident…"

"An incident?" Alice questioned, frowning. "Expand that statement, please."

"Well, we went upstairs to the master bedroom – there was this portrait of Edward there – and the realtor made some comment about no one liking him and then there was this, I don't know, _howl_? Before that it had sounded like someone was laughing – I mean it sounded like the _house_ was laughing, and when it was howling – the realtor just bolted out of there! It was pretty freaky, but I think stuff like that's happened before because the guy seemed like he was expecting it to happen or something, and he as expecting me to not want the place after that, he talked about it being haunted or something – I almost didn't get it, but I figured, if it _is_ haunted, I could totally handle it. It's just a house – what could be the big deal?"

"Wow, Bella Swan has bought herself a haunted house!" Alice exclaimed, clapping her hands. She jumped up on the counter, her legs dangling next to me, and she stared around as if expecting a sprite or something to come wandering out. I shook my head. Typical Alice to be excited about something like that. She was such a crazy girl – I loved her to death – but she was still crazy.

"Yeah, well, I went ahead and bought the house – but nothing strange has happened since that one time. I don't think there's anything haunting it. It's just a house! I have been thinking about moving that portrait, though," I added, thinking back to Edward Masen's beautiful face, staring down at me as I moved about in that small bedroom. I hadn't been able to sleep, with him openly staring down at me, so I had taken to sleeping in the living room in my sleeping bag. The bedroom wasn't really ready yet, anyway. I had to get a new mattress because the bed frame was so huge.

Just then, though, a large gusting wind came out of no where and began shaking through the house and that same tell-tale howl started up – it was like a gigantic roar that ripped through the place – Alice slid down off the counter and wrapped her arms around me, shaking.

"What was that!?!" she yelled, gripping me tightly, as the growling subsided. I gripped Alice back, but I wasn't surprised by it in the least. In fact, it just made me angry.

"Alice, I don't know – whatever it was, it's not going to scare _me_ off – This is my house now!" I said a bit louder, "So I can do as I like!" Alice turned to stare at me, her eyes still wide.

"Well, well, Bella – before you seemed like such the scaredy-cat and now look at you, all brave in the face of danger!" I rolled my eyes.

"What danger, Alice? It's not as if some boogieman is about to come out of the closet and strangle me. All that was just noise – and that's all that's happened. I don't think I'm in any danger.

"I'm proud of you, Bella," Alice announced, settling herself on an accompanying barstool. She looked at me, her face serious, and I could tell that she was speaking plainly with me here.

"Why?"

"Because you're doing it! You've gotten past all the rubbish of death and mourning and your making yourself a new beginning. I wish I was _half_ as strong as you." I felt the tears coming again.

"Alice," I whispered, taking her hand.

"You know I love you, Bella," she told me, squeezing me hand. I simply nodded. "And that's why I've decided to move out here with you." My mouth dropped open.

"Alice! What are you talking about!?" Her face was set and she looked like she was preparing to counter any argument I might bring up.

"Bella, I've lived in so many place – I've moved so often that I feel like I've seen everything! I only stayed in Phoenix because of you…We got to be such good friends I didn't have the heart to leave…But ever since you moved out, well, I've been thinking about moving myself –" Here she broke off and smiled at me. "But I knew that anywhere I went just wouldn't be the same without my best friend! So that's why I searched for you. I knew that wherever you chose to settle, I could settle there too."

"Alice," I began, serious, "I don't think that's such a good idea – I mean, I shouldn't be the thing to dictate your life! You're a fashion designer for goodness sakes! You travel for a _reason_! And this is _Forks_! Forks, _Washington_! What kind of business could you possible get out here! Please don't move here because of me, I don't want to tie you down!" She sighed, seeing how upset I was. Alice was a designer, a good one at that, and she was such a buoyant, crazy, amiable person that I couldn't imagine her existing out here in Forks dreariness. It just wouldn't suit her.

"Fine, I won't make the decision now, but I at least want to stay with you until you get completely settled and the house finished. I'll help you with things. It will be great – and this way, if the house _is_ haunted, I'll be there to save your butt!" I laughed, relieved.

"That's fine, Alice. You can stay for now. And I guess I really could use the help…"

"You could," Alice agreed, looking at the mess, "Two pairs of hands are better than one!"

"And I've got a spare bedroom!" I announced. "Not that it's finished…I hope you like sleeping bags and a nice, hard floor!" She laughed along with me.

"Anything, as long as I get to stay up let swapping ghost stories with my bff in a haunted house! I'm so ready for an adventure!"

"Well, you're in for one…" I sighed, looking at her. "I really am glad you're here, Alice…I've missed you." She smiled and pulled me into a tight hug.

"I'll always be there for you, Bella," she told me softly.

"I know – Thank you." We sat there hugging, as the sun sank down and the clouds gathered in, leaving us in a hushed, faded twilight. I had never felt safer.

* * *

**Playlist:**

The Beatles - I've Got A Feeling

The Strokes - When It Started

Cat Power - I Don't Blame You

Coldplay - Life In Technicolor

Pet Shop Boys - Being Boring

10cc - How Dare You

* * *

**Okay, so there it is. Please, please review and let me know what you think! Don't worry, next chapter gets some Edward action...And let me know what you think of Alice. I'll be fleshing her out more as the story unfolds, so. Cheers!**


	4. Shut Up and Let Me Go!

* * *

After I had agreed to let Alice stay with me, she admitted that that's what she had planned before she'd made the trip up here. Which meant that she had brought all her stuff with her, ready to not take 'No' for an answer. And by all her stuff, I mean as much of it as she could fit in her tiny little car.

"Now, remind me again why you could possibly need _this_ many bags of makeup?" I asked as I lugged a _third_ bag full of mascara, lipstick, and eye-shadow through the doorway. Alice simply shook her head. "And don't you roll your eyes at _me_ you little pixie!" I knew she was, though but she giggled and I gave up on that frown I was planning on giving her.

"Seriously, Bella, when you work for the fashion world, you kind of have to _look_ like you work in the fashion world. Besides, makeup is one of the essentials that I need to survive! It's girly, it's fun, and you can make yourself into anyone you want to be. And don't think you can escape from me, little lady, when it's GNO night – because you can run, but I'll trip you and tie you down so there's no chance of hiding." I turned to face her with an incredulous look on my face.

"Um, seriously Alice? Need you resort to violence? And what the heck is GNO night?" I stood with my hands on my hips, facing Alice who had been lugging yet another suitcase through the door. She let it go and stood, mirroring my stance.

"GNO, please Bella – how long have we known each other? It's "Girl's Night Out" night! For goodness sakes!" I scoffed.

"You seriously have that initialized? You just got here, heck _I_ practically just got here. I can't be thinking about going out when I have all this _stuff_ to take care of!" I gestured at the piles of boxes and sheets and her luggage. Alice didn't seem phased.

"Bella, every girl needs a night when she can just let loose. And from the looks of this sty, you need one _bad_. I don't care if we're in the middle of remodeling here. We're going to go out Friday and we're going to have some fun. You do remember what _fun_ is, Bella?" She cocked an eyebrow. I snickered at the look on her face.

"Bella?" she chimed again and I shook my head.

"Alright, alright Alice – You win, we'll go out. But if you're going to stay here and enact such ridiculous, unnecessary rules as _that_ then I'll just have to make you help me clean this place. And don't think I care about you're dislike of getting dirty." I pointed my finger at her, my voice serious and she sight.

"Right, right – of course I'll help Bella." And with that settled, we finished the job of brining in the rest of the luggage. It totaled up to about ten different suitcases. I looked through the window at her Mini Cooper and scratched my head.

"It's like a clown car!" I exclaimed and Alice laughed. "Seriously, Alice, I don't know how you managed to fit all of this," I gestured at her things, "into that." Alice shrugged.

"What can I say – I'm a magician! I work wonders!" I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, well now it's time you work your _cleaning_ wonders and help me get this place fixed up!"

***

There hadn't been any incidences of the house's wrath as Alice and I worked our way through each room – straightening, dusting, adjusting the furniture, adding _my_ furniture, tossing out furniture that was no longer suitable to be used, and painting. Practically every room needed a fresh coat of paint and Alice, with her fashion sense, helped me choose colors, which she loved. But I made her help me paint, which she hated. But we got the task done. Alice and I bought new drapes to replace those old wooden shutters that seemed meant to block out all light. Once we did, the place looked so much lighter and so much more livable. Some movers helped us bring in my couch, chairs, dining table, washing machine, dryer, and kitchen appliances, thankfully, so now my kitchen was fully equipped and my living room and dining room presentable. Alice was particularly grateful for the washer and dryer.

"Now we can wash our clothes _properly_, though we must go in town at some point and find a dry cleaner, because this dress will not be subjected to home wash," she informed me.

At the moment, we were working on the upper floor and Alice was helping me dust the gigantic armoire, beautifully adorned with wood carvings.

"You know, you could fit _so many clothes_ in here, Bella! I am _so jealous_!" I giggled at her seriousness.

"Honestly, Alice, I don't have _nearly_ enough clothes to fill this thing up. Really, I like it more because of its beauty. The room looks so old fashioned that it would be out of place without this piece!"

"Oh, Bella, I'll help you stock it up, alright. One of these days, after the house is ready and everything, we're going shopping and I'm going to help you out."

"Alice, right now I can't afford to go shopping. I'm low on funds and as soon as this house is finished, I'm going to be getting a _job_. You know, a job – like one that pays and that most people have as their main source of income!"

"Don't think I can't detect your sarcasm, Bella. I know you need a job. But I'm still making quite a bit of money no problem, and I can help you out in the mean time. You're my friend and I'm not afraid of sharing." I smiled at her but shook my head.

"You know me, Alice, better than anyone. So you should know that I don't like people buying things for me! You know I wouldn't be able to repay you for some time and I don't like being indebted." Alice shook her head back at me.

"Really, Bella, I wouldn't expect anything back from you. I'm your friend and I wouldn't dream of demanding repayment. Just look at it as Alice's way of looking after her best friend in the entire world! You know how much I love to spoil you!" she chided me and I just laughed and continued with my work.

After the armoire, we worked on the vanity, which had the biggest mirror I'd ever seen inside a home before. Alice looked at it adoringly and I almost offered that she put it in _her_ room, but I stopped myself. I knew she'd never take it. The bed was a whole nother story.

Alice looked at the largeness of it with shining eyes while I was more than daunted.

"You know, Bella, this bed needs proper dressing. Let's go to Seattle this weekend and go bedding shopping!" She clapped her hands. I just shrugged.

"Fine, but I want something inexpensive and simple. The bed's gaudy enough for me. Well, I guess beautiful is more the word…I really couldn't picture adding anything else to it." I was still looking at the bed when Alice exclaimed,

"Oh my gosh!" I turned and quickly looked around to find Alice. She was standing, staring up at the gigantic portrait of Edward Masen that I'd yet to show her or let her know anything about. I'd artfully arranged a sheet over the portrait before we'd started working on the room – an action which left the house shaking as if a large gust of wind were sweeping through, but which I'd ignored. Alice, it seems, had removed the sheet herself and was now standing frozen in place, clearly in awe of the same beauty that captured my attention whenever I looked upon it.

"Who is _this_!?" I sighed.

"That is the builder, Alice. He designed the home and died in it apparently…That is Edward Masen." Alice turned to look at me.

"He's dead? What a shame! He's _gorgeous_!" I could only nod in agreement.

"That he is," I sighed, looking away. "I was thinking of moving the portrait, though. I don't know how I'd feel with _him_ staring down at me all the time," I admitted. Alice nodded but didn't say anything. I waited for a response from the house but there was none.

"Well Bella, I think it's time we take a break," Alice announced after tearing her eyes away from the portrait. I sighed.

"You want a snack?" I asked, looking at my watch. It was almost 7 o'clock at night. Time really did fly by when you weren't paying attention. "I could make you something…"

"No Bella. Tonight is _the night_," she announced. I merely looked at her, then it dawned on me.

"Oh no, Alice – Not tonight! I'm tired and sweaty!" But Alice was already grinning and advancing on me.

"We just finished cleaning up this room – we have a _beautiful_, big mirror, we have all that makeup just sitting down there waiting to be used!" Alice went on and I took a step back as she continued to advance. "And do you know what tonight is?" she asked me. I wracked my brain but I couldn't come up with anything, so I shook my head.

"Tonight is Friday!!!"

***

After spending an excruciating amount of time under the care of Alice Brandon's salon inspired fingers, she deemed me perfect.

I had lost the Friday Girl's Nigh Out fight and subsequently I was forced before the vanity and was subjected to layers of applied makeup, hair product, and fashion tips that were meant to be jabs at my apparent lack of fashion sense. Alice always made me painfully aware of my non-girly habits and lack of fashion knowledge, but she did it in good spirit. I tried to be a good sport about it, but I couldn't always mask my displeasure at being made into a Bella Barbie.

Alice, after finishing with my physical appearance, rushed off to get my outfit for the evening. Of course _I_ couldn't pick out what I was to wear, and of course I couldn't wear any of _my_ clothes either, they were all unacceptable.

As I was waiting up in my room, my eyes wandered over to Edward's portrait. He looked as severe as ever, but as always whenever I looked at him, I felt my insides twist and my breath leave me. His eyes held such power – even if they were just oil on canvas…I really should track down the artist, because whoever they are, they have amazing talent. Alice quickly interrupted my thoughts, though by bursting into the room, a dress draped across her arms.

"Here it is!" she sang approaching me. Alice held it out for me to look over. The dress looked simple enough, which I was grateful for, and was a silvery-blue color. It had a silver bow on the front, just at the bust level, and a high waist **(A/N: picture on profile)**.

"Alice, it's beautiful," I sighed. She smiled.

"I knew you'd like it and I bought it just for you! I saw it back in Phoenix and it just screamed _you_!" I rolled my eyes. Boy, I was doing a lot of eye rolling today.

"Alice, just let me put it on," I sighed. She handed over the dress.

"I'll go get myself ready and I'll meet you downstairs in 10 minutes!" she said quickly before rushing off.

"Ten minutes!?" I called after her, "how could you possibly be ready that…fast…" but she was already gone. I shook my head and went into the connecting bathroom to change, being mindful of my hair, which Alice had piled on top of my head in a neat looking way…pinning it with bobby-pins that had little pearls at the ends. I caught a look at myself before leaving the bathroom in the oval bathroom mirror – I looked beautiful…which, of course, only Alice was capable of doing. I had to thank her before we left.

As I was heading out the room I swore I heard a loud sigh coming from the room. I turned quickly, my eyes searching, but I couldn't tell where the sound had come from so I shrugged and headed down to meet Alice.

***

We dined at the only bar in Forks – a run-down place that was pretty sparse as far as bar's go, and Alice was disappointed at the lack of excitement. However, what made up for the disappointment was the appearance a certain blonde doctor by the name of Jasper Whitlock.

Alice had fed the jukebox, and the Ting Tings came on – I rolled my eyes but she made me dance with her. We were the only people in the place dancing and of course we looked like maniacs, but Alice didn't care. About mid-dance, however, a young man with thick, wispy hair and deep blue eyes approached us – or should I say Alice – and asked her to dance.

I spent the rest of the night sitting at our small table watching Alice enjoy herself more than she'd ever expected in this run-down bar. It took me quite a bit of cajoling to get her to leave – it was midnight and I was tired from all the work we'd done that day. But Alice wouldn't leave without getting the man's name and number and an assurance that he'd call _her_ the next day. Only Alice could find herself a beautiful hottie in a place like Forks. Oh the irony!

I now found myself wandering around my bedroom upstairs. It was Alice's idea that we each spend the night in our prospective rooms, though we were still in sleeping bags. I sighed. It had been a long night.

Slipping into my sleeping bag, I looked one last time at Edward's portrait before closing my eyes and attempting to drift off to sleep. The word is attempt because an hour later I was still wide awake and desperately counting sheep, praying for sleep to come. But it didn't. I just couldn't get over the fact that Edward Masen was staring down at me from his lofty position on the wall. Before it had been an awe-inducing fact, but now it was getting on my nerves.

How dare a dead guy – a portrait of a dead guy, no less – keep me from sleep! So huffing to myself, I threw off the covers and got up, approaching the portrait with every intention of removing it from the wall. It looked heavy but I knew that with my determination I wouldn't let that stop me.

I had my hands on the frame and was preparing to lift when I heard something that made my blood chill and my stomach wrench.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," a velvety voice told me and it did not belong to Alice. I turned around slowly and just about fainted at the sight before me.

It was Edward Masen, apparently in the flesh, standing in my bedroom.

* * *

**Playlist:**

The Ting Tings - Shut Up And Let Me Go

The Who - Blue Red And Grey

The Beatles - Any Time At All

Oh No Oh My - I Have No Sister

The Kooks - Sway

* * *

**Sorry! I know it's a major cliff hanger, but I needed to end it at some point and I wanted to give you guys something to look forward to next chapter because yes, Edward is going to make his appearance, finally! Please, please, please review – it gives me incentive to write much faster and get things out to you! Cheers!**


	5. Recycled Air

Recap:

_"I wouldn't do that if I were you," a velvety voice told me and it did not belong to Alice. I turned around slowly and just about fainted at the sight before me. _

_It was Edward Masen, apparently in the flesh, standing in my bedroom._

Needless to say, I gasped loudly, my hand flying up to my chest. I wondered if I was hallucinating, but quickly ruled that out because I felt just fine – but there was definitely a man standing in my room, one who was supposed to be dead.

He was grinning at me, probably from my reaction, but he made no other move and did not speak again. Well, looks like I'm going to have to say something – though now that he was standing in front of me I found it extremely hard to talk – not just because of the dead-guy thing, but more, embarrassingly, because there was an _extremely_ hot guy in my room – those same piercing green eyes having an alluring effect on me…I was at a loss for words, so when I did manage to come up with a sentence, I stuttered like a child.

"E-excuse me?" The man gave a soft, velvety chuckle. "Wh-what's so funny?" I asked defiantly, crossing my arms. Though it was an attempt to look tough, it didn't quite come across correctly because I was still hunched over and withdrawn.

"You are," the man said, grinning. "I said I wouldn't move that portrait if I were you," he continued, his face becoming more severe. I felt myself take a step back.

"Why?" I asked, glad to be rid of the stutter – now I was less afraid and more curious – the shock of seeing him was wearing off as he continued to remain where he was – he could have been a shadow. He merely shook his head and turned, folding himself back into the dark recesses of the room. I stood still for a moment, waiting for something to happen, but when nothing did, I took a hesitant step into the room. Nothing. So I went further, looking around, but he was no longer present.

"Great! Just drop by any time you feel like it and then disappear without any explanations! You big coward!" My words came more from frustration and fear than from truthfulness, but I was only made more defiant when I heard his soft chuckle echo throughout the room. Without anything else to look at in terms of direction I simply turned to look at his portrait.

"If you're still here, I would kindly ask you to leave this room – I'm trying to sleep and I would like my privacy! I promise I won't move the darn picture!" I waited, and after a short minute I took the silence as compliance. I huffed and turned back to my sleeping bag, sinking down and pulling the covers tightly around my frame.

Even though there was no other noise I still couldn't get to sleep – just the thought of _him_ possibly lurking somewhere, watching me, made me fearful of closing my eyes.

I had been prepared to admit the house haunted, in fact I was aware of some of the strangeness of it – but still, to have my beliefs confirmed was slightly unnerving – and unexpected. I hadn't thought that a full corporeal ghost would appear in my room and speak to me! Still, though some would take this event as incentive to hightail it out of there, I was determined to stand my ground. It had been apparent by the realtor's reluctance to sell me the house that this ghost had been used to getting his way up to this point – there probably were countless other buyers who had been laughed, windswept, and scared out of the house but I was decidedly not going to let that happen to me. I liked the house – it suited me for strange, but comforting reasons, and I wasn't about to give it up because some spoiled brat-of-a-ghost was not into sharing.

With those thoughts in mind, I decided that I didn't care if _he_ was still in the room, I was going to get the sleep I deserved. I had one clear thought before I drifted off to sleep, though: I decided that tomorrow I would find out more about Edward Masen and his life. If I was going to share this house with a would-be ghost, I was going to know as much as I could about him. I would tell Alice that I needed to go into town and let her go wander wherever she wished while I'd talk to some of the locals. According to the realtor, Edward hadn't died that long ago. Surely there were still some people around that knew him or at least knew about him. And they were going to tell me everything they knew.

***

"I'll meet you back here in an hour, alright?"

"Sure thing, Bella. Oh – and what size shoe are you again?" I rolled my eyes and watched as Alice made her way to one of the only clothes stores in all of Forks. I knew she had plans to buy more clothes for me – or at least, buy materials to _make_ more clothes for me. Once a fashion designer, always a fashion designer.

I had awoken this morning with a suspicion that I was being watched. I jumped out of my sleeping bag only to be tangled in the blankets which led to an embarrassing fall resulting in me bruising my butt. My suspicions were confirmed, however, when that same velvety chuckle echoed throughout the room. I had quickly gotten up and glared at the portrait before stalking out of the room to change in another part of the house.

Alice had jumped at my idea of going into town – she was particularly happy that it had been _my_ idea.

"Oh Bella! It's so nice to see that you're taking an initiative!" she had exclaimed. I had merely shaken my head at her enthusiasm.

My plan for today was two-pronged. I was going to find out more about Edward Masen – that was the central plan. The lesser plan was to find a job, which I sorely needed if I was to keep living at Edward's house.

I made my way quickly down the main street, my eyes scanning the various shops and pizza parlors. Deciding to start at the end and work my way back, I quickly stepped into a tiny little shoppe full of knitting needles, yarn, and sewing kits. An older woman with gold-rimmed glasses propped at the end of her nose was perched on a wooden stool behind a glass counter displaying hundreds of buttons. She looked up at the tinkling of the bell that was stirred when I had opened the door.

"Why hello there," she greeted me with her granny voice – it was oddly comforting, like she had been waiting for me to arrive and was so glad I was there. I began to feel a bit homesick, but quickly shrugged that off and focused on the task at hand.

"Hi," I replied, making my way towards the counter.

"Is there something I can help you with?" she asked, setting down her knitting.

"Uh yes, actually…I just moved here and –"

"Oh yes, you bought the Masen mansion, didn't you?" she interrupted, her voice sounding a bit more suspicious now. She eyed me as if I were a bomb waiting to go off.

"Y-yes, I did…Actually, I was wondering if you knew Edward Masen?" She jumped and nearly fell off the stool. I started forward to help her but she waved me away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean –"

"No, no, dear, it's quite alright…Yes, I did know that young man…" She was now refusing to look at me.

"Oh, well, I was wondering if you could tell me a little about him…The realtor said he built that house. I just want to know a little more about him as a person," I explained. The woman's eyes flashed to mine before looking away again quickly.

"Well, dear, I'm not sure you really want to know about that unfortunate gentleman…You see…he was quite the loner, that one…Very smart, though, skipped several grades…He was a doctor, among other things…He designed and built the house and he lived there alone…Never married…died alone…Or, well…He committed suicide." She whispered the last sentence, looking stricken. I felt my eyes widen. That mysterious, green-eyed beauty took his own life? I could barely believe it.

"R-really?" I gasped.

"Oh yes, he did indeed. They found his body in the bedroom – the windows were bordered up and the gas had been turned on…"

"Oh my goodness!" I found it rather shocking that Edward could possibly have wanted to kill himself…He seemed much to stuck up and spoiled to have killed himself…The woman, however, didn't seem to think much of him. She turned her nose up in distain. I was slightly ticked off at her judgments but I tamped down my annoyance in order to keep the info flowing.

"Did he have any family?" I asked and the woman laughed – scornfully, I might add.

"If he did, he sure didn't care enough to let the visit – They probably didn't even know where he was living. He came here when he was only 18, and died not five years after. He was highly snooty, highly self-absorbed, and he died alone – That is all I know," she finished, picking up her knitting and making it through another row.

"Oh, well…thank you for…enlightening me…I'll be going, then." She didn't make a sign that she cared or had anything else to say, so I simply turned and left the shoppe. Thinking back on it now, it was rather musty in there and she was rather more on the creepy side as grandmothers go.

I continued my journey down the block but got no new information. All anyone every knew about Edward was that he preferred seclusion and had no interest in making friends with anyone – and that he was pretty much a genius. It made feeling sorry for him slightly difficult, considering he was so stuck up and had the knowledge to be aware of his own superiority and took pleasure in it.

Sighing, I entered the last shop on the street – the one lone bookstore in all of Forks. It was sparse, that's for sure, I decided as I looked around. There were a few bookshelves here and there, the walls lined with shelves, and one tiny looking counter. When I entered, an older looking man appeared round one of the bookshelves.

"Good morning!" he greeted cheerily, approaching the small counter and placing down a stack of books. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Uh…" I thought about asking him if _he_ knew anything, but quickly decided against it. It didn't matter – I'd gotten enough information already. It was time for plan number two. "No, no really…That is unless you by any chance happen to need an unqualified assistant who has absolutely no retail experience and is desperate to find a job soon before her taxes arrive in the mail," I babbled, not expecting anything to come of it. The man looked at me kindly and I wondered if he understood anything I'd said.

"Oh, why, I do happen to be in need of a shelver…an assistant, if you will…Does that sound like it would be suitable?" he asked, smiling.

"Um…yeah…If that job doesn't require any skills as I mentioned before," I added, still staving off the rising hope in my chest.

"Absolutely none," he replied genially.

"When can I start?" I asked enthusiastically and he chuckled.

"Good. My name's Charlie, by the way, and you can start whenever you're ready. The job pays well enough, we open at eight a.m. and close at five. Does that sound alright?"

"Yes, I'll be here at 8:00 tomorrow! I'm Bella." I offered my hand. He shook it enthusiastically.

"Welcome aboard, Bella. I'll see you tomorrow and we'll get you started." I felt a wave of relief wash over me. After leaving the shop, I felt like all my problems were solved…all except for the haunted house thing, but I was still happy.

When I arrived at the meeting place, Alice was already there, accompanied by the blonde man from last night and a pile of shopping bags. She was talking animatedly with the man and he seemed genuinely interested, although much calmer. Alice jumped with excitement when she spotted me.

"Bella! Bella, hey, remember Jasper? We met him last night! He and I ran into each other on the street and he's been keeping me company. Jasper, this is Bella, remember?"

"It's nice to meet you again, Bella," Jasper greeted me, his voice even and smooth. I was amazed at the strength of his nerves – he'd been around Alice for a while now and he was still steady. It was impressive.

"So, Bella, did you get a job?" Alice asked. I smiled. "Oh yay Bella! I'm so happy for you!" she squealed and quickly pulled me into a bone-crunching hug. For such a small person, she was incredibly strong.

"Congratulations, Bella," Jasper told me quietly. I smiled and thanked him.

"So, are we ready to head back?" I asked but Alice seemed like she had other plans.

"Actually, Bella, Jasper and I have dinner plans. I'll meet you back at the house later, okay?" I merely shrugged, not surprised. Leave it to Alice to get a date with hardly any effort. I was just glad that I'd have some alone time at the house. Maybe now I could coax the ghost out and set down some ground rules.

So with a quick goodbye to Alice, I got in my truck and headed home, anticipation rolling in my stomach.


	6. Shadow Stabbing

**New chapter - enjoy! And please review!**

The house was silent when I entered. I closed the door quietly as I could before making my way to my room. As I went down the hall, something caught my eye, a thin strip of wood that ran along a section of the wall at the far end of the hall, just past my bedroom door. It was interesting, since it was the only think like it on the entire span of that wall. I got close enough to inspect it – it was an intricately carved strip of wood, almost like a boarder, but it wasn't going around anything, it just stretched from one end of the wall and stopped, about five centimeters before the other side.

I ran my fingers along the edge, gripping it, in an attempt to see if it would pull off, but I slipped and my hands accidentally pushed and the strip shot the five centimeters to the other side of the wall and I heard a small click, and, to my shock, a crack appeared from the floor to the ceiling – a door, a secret door.

"Huh." I pondered what could possibly be behind here. From the outside, this wall would be part of the front of the house, and it never looked like there would be anything behind this wall…Perplexed, I opened the door slowly, and peaked around it. It was pitch black, so I decided that further inspection would require the use of a working flashlight. I ran downstairs quickly, grabbing the one I had stashed in one of the kitchen cupboards, and raced back up, clicking it on and pointing the beam into the dark. It hit the opposite wall, which was quite close and I realized that this wasn't the door to a room, but a secret staircase, that wound down into more dark. I debated on whether or not to continue further. What could possibly be down there? Bodies – skeletons that might jump out at me…an actual ghost? It was rather spooky, since I was alone, but curiosity killed the cat, as the expression goes, and I was bound to be satisfied and brought back, so I took one tentative step down, then continued when nothing bad jumped out at me.

I made it successfully all the way down into what must have been a basement room, because I had gone far enough down to have been below the first floor. It was cooler down here and I quickly pointed the flashlight around, looking for a light. I found one on the wall to my right and flicked it on. The room was flooded with a dim lighting – twilight, it seemed – and what instantly caught my eye was an object of rather immense size at the center of the room. As my eyes adjusted, I made out that it was a grand piano – absolutely massive – standing in all its glory.

I went forward quickly to inspect it at closer range. It was beautiful, I had to admit – in fact it took my breath away. It was sleek, shining brightly, even in the dim light. The keys, which normally I would expect to be ivory, were obsidian, with ivory sharps and flats, the opposite of a regular piano. It seemed much more unique that way, and I noticed the beautiful intricacy of which it was made, the feet were all works of art. **(A/N: Picture on profile)**.

It took me only a moment longer of studying the beautiful instrument to figure out that the piano was sparkling clean – no dust, absolutely none.

"That's odd," I said to myself, thinking about how long this piano must have been down here, with no one to dust it, or clean it, or anything. That couldn't be right – how could it be so spotless? I decided to play it, see if it was still in tune. Looking around, I noticed a shelf on the opposite wall that held rack after rack of leather-bound books. They must be song books, I figured and I got one out, selecting at random.

Pulling it out, I realized that this wasn't just any song book – it was a blank one that had been filled with composition by someone who had a scrawling, graceful hand, judging from the notes on the sides. It was elegant script and there were hardly any mistakes, all the notes seemed to flow together as if they were each purposeful. I took the book to the piano, setting it down against the elegant curls and twists of the carved wooden music sheet holder.

I hadn't a whole lot of training on the piano, but I knew my way around…I placed my hands on the keys and began the opening notes. They all rang out, each clear as a bell, perfectly in tune – that shouldn't be! This piano could not possibly have remained in tune all these years…I was about to play the song further, my notes halting and stuttered, when a voice yelled at me from behind.

"STOP IT!!!" My hand crashing down on the keys as I jumped, a discordant, bungled noise that echoed throughout the room as I turned, my heart pounding, to take in the intruder's appearance. It was _him_.

His eyes were harsh, black in the dim light, his face livid. He was regarding me with a look that seemed meant to kill. I felt more frightened than I ever had while in this house. I took a step back, but stumbled against the keys, making more noise and I quickly jumped away, trying to keep as much space between me and him.

"What are you doing down here," he hissed through clenched teeth, his jaw locked.

"I – I'm sorry, I didn't m-mean anything by it…I just, I found the door and I wandered d-down…I really didn't mean to –"

"Don't!" he ground out, his voice low and dangerous. I nodded quickly, unable to speak. "GO!!" he barked at me, and I fled, not looking back. I didn't stop until I had exited the stairs, slammed the door behind me and slipped the strip of wood back in its place. I pressed my back against the wall, breathing hard and fast, my hands covering my face, which was flushed. Even with my eyes closed I could still see his piercing ones – angry, venomous…I was going to have nightmares tonight…Then I thought about sleeping in that room with _his_ picture in there…I couldn't do it…Not when I'd angered him like that.

I made my way back downstairs, to the kitchen, trying to find some way to make me feel more comfortable in this house, knowing that he was somewhere, lurking around. I decided to make myself dinner a little early, that was the only way to calm my nerves. Cooking.

As I threw myself into the task, I found it very cathartic, my fear soon being displaced by anger and defiance. How dare _he_, a dead person, make demands in _my_ house. This was _my_ house, after all – I bought it with _my_ money, I had all my things in here, and _I_ was _alive_ while _he_ was _dead_ and had absolutely no claim on anything. How dare he tell me not to touch _his_ piano – it was _my_ piano now!

I got myself so worked up that I stopped all that I was doing, slamming down my spatula that I had been using to whip some eggs, and marched upstairs. I went to my room, figuring that this would be the best place to communicate, since his portrait was there and I knew he'd hear me (I would have gone downstairs again, but I was not _that_ confident in my argument, and I preferred having an easy way out – Of course, I wouldn't have admitted this to anyone else, especially not _him_).

"Okay," I shouted at his portrait, "Come out! Come out, come out, WHEREVER YOU ARE!" I shouted. Edward stared piercingly down at me from his frame. "MASEN!!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I waited, but I heard nothing, just the creaking of the house. I huffed and folded my arms across my chest, staring up at the portrait.

"I know you're here! What, cat got your tongue!? Speak up! Or is it that all you're good for is to frighten anyone who irks you? Well, _I'm_ not afraid of you. So you listen here. I don't care what you are, this is _my_ house and I'll thank you not to go interfering in _my_ affairs. You're just a coward who won't stand up take responsibility for his mistakes!"

"You do have spunk, I must concede that," his quiet voice spoke from behind me. I groaned loudly and spun around. There he was, in all his annoyingly beautiful glory, his coppery hair sticking out rakishly from his head, his green eyes as penetrating as ever, dressed in nothing but black. He took my breath away. He stood there, still, but not fuming as I expected him to be.

"I-I…I'm sorry…I-I didn't really mean to be so rude…calling you out and stuff," I mumbled, losing my nerve. He frowned slightly, but didn't say anything.

"I suppose I was being rather insensitive…what with…well…calling you a coward and such…Especially since…" I trailed off, not wanting to broach that subject that would probably be most painful for him. His frown deepened.

"Especially since what?" his cool voice asked, a trace of impatience in it. I felt my face flush.

"We-ll, you know, since…since you killed yourself…I shouldn't have called you a coward. Really I didn't mean –"

"You think I committed suicide?" he asked, is voice rough with disbelief and his face angry again. He leaned forward, taking another step closer to me. I took an unconscious one back. "What ever made you think that?!"

"I – Well…the r-realtor told me…and the other people…in town…" He barked back a laugh, but his eyes told me that he found this anything but funny. His eyes spoke volumes of pain and hurt.

"Their fools! Their _all fools_!" he shouted, turning from me and stalking about the room. He came back and looked at me again. "You want to know the truth, how I really died?" he whispered, his voice strained. I could hardly think under his burning stare, but some how I managed to squeak out a, "Yes," and he continued.

"You know, I built this house. I installed everything, I wanted to make it classic, old fashioned…I fell asleep next to the gas heater over there." He pointed towards the iron gas heater that stood near the window, a yard or so from the bed. "It was storming outside…I had to shut the windows. While I was sleeping, I must have kicked the gas on with my foot. The room filled with gas and I died. They only thought it was suicide because the stupid maid I hired swore that I always slept with my damn windows open! Well, I had to close them that night, it was storming! Any sensible person would! _You_ would, wouldn't you," he asked accusatorily, pointing his finger at me. I could only nod hesitantly. "Anyways, that's what they thought…But I didn't kill myself, so you better get your story strait as of this moment!" he finished, still looking angry. I sighed in relief.

"Well, thank goodness for that…" was all I could say.

"Oh! You find relief in knowing the real truth of my death! Well, forgive me for not being so relieved as you," he sulked looking out the window.

"No, no…I mean, well, I'm just glad that you didn't…that you hadn't…committed suicide…"

"You find that a comforting fact?" he asked, turning his eyes back to me. I nodded again.

"But then," I started, looking at him suspiciously, "…why is it that you're still here? Haunting the house, I mean. If you just died in an accident, why would you stay here? You're not seeking revenge on anyone, you have no one to haunt here." His face grew dark.

"This is _my_ house. I have plans for it – I built it – and none of those plans involve strangers making themselves at home and touching all of _my_ things and putting all their things in it and settling down." He looked at me with resentment. "That's why I scare everyone off. I don't want them here."

"So you were trying to scare me away, then," I asked, "that day I visited." He looked at me and rolled his eyes.

"Scare you away? Ha! That was less than a fright. If I had really been trying, you would have been out of here waving your arms above your head, screaming bloody murder. Believe me, you haven't seen anything yet." There was a glint in his eye that scared me, but I knew that he wasn't about to do anything to me, at least not yet.

"And what exactly are you waiting for," I asked, hands on my hips. "Why haven't you scared me off yet, if you are able? After what you just said it sounds like you don't want me here, so why –"

"Who says I don't want you here?" He gave me a sly grin just then and I felt my heart pound. Still, I quirked an eyebrow. I was curious to know why exactly he was allowing me to stay, since he so obviously wanted this house to himself. "I must admit," he began, running a hand through his hair, "I did want you gone, _at first_…But things changed…my mind changed." He was giving me a strange look, a crooked grin on his face and his eyes glinting.

"And what exactly were those…things?"

"You're a very beautiful woman, Miss Swan…" I froze. "Especially when you sleep," he added and my eyes widened.

"So you have been in my room – I _knew_ it!" I cried, covering my face.

"You mean _my_ room," Edward corrected, his face darkening and he stepped closer – we were almost toe to toe.

"Look, I don't know if you're aware of this, but _I_ have bought this house and so now the deed has _my_ name on it. _You_ are dead, _you_ don't own anything. And I would appreciate it if you stayed the hell out of my room when I'm asleep!" I cried. My mind was racing, wondering…he might have heard things, anything! I talked in my sleep. I was aware of that. Now I had to worry about what I might have said…about him…while I was asleep. And if he heard it.

"I may be dead, but this is still _my_ house, I don't care about any deeds you have. I'm not leaving this house. I'll still be here, I'll be here when you've packed up and gone. Nothing you can do can oust me _from my house_." The last three words were punched out at me and his eyes were back to that hard look.

"Well I'm not going!" I folded my arms stubbornly. If he could play that game, so could I. I wasn't budging on this matter, no matter what. There was nothing he could say or do about it. "This house suits me, I liked it the moment I laid eyes on it, and I won't move. I've got a job, I've got all my things here, and I'm comfortable." He didn't budge, didn't move, but I could feel anger radiating off him.

"My dear Miss Swan, you are mistaken. It's not _your house_."

"Oh but it is! I paid for it and as long as I pay my takes it _is_ mine, whether you say so or not." I jutted my chin forward to further enforce my stance.

"Yes well, I still intend to keep this house the way I wanted it. It was supposed to remain a mystery – a piece of art that no one was supposed to touch!" he shouted. I flinched.

"Then why weren't you more specific in your will?" I asked, giving him a stern look. If he was so insistent, then he should have been more careful and taken care of these loose ends.

"I didn't leave a will!" he yelled, running a hand roughly through his hair and looking away.

"Well why not?" I asked, frowning. He turned back to me with a look of incredulity on his face.

"Because I didn't expect to kick the gas on with my foot and die in my sleep!" he shouted, getting more up in my face. I felt myself prickle. I was really getting tired of this. He kept shouting and shouting and it was making me more upset by the minute!

"Stop, stop alright!" I cried, running my own hand through my hair and turning away. "I can't handle this." I turned back to him, my eyes pricked with tears. "You think you can just order me around, tell me that this isn't my house!? Well I'm sick of people yelling at me, telling me I'm making the wrong choices, that I'm wrong! We'll I'm not! I'm finally thinking on my own now and I'm not about to let you" I jabbed a finger at him, "or Renee or Phil or anyone else tell me what to do anymore!" By now, I felt tears spill over and run down my face. I quickly turned away towards the window, trying to keep from sobbing. I was so emotional right now that I couldn't handle anything, especially not him. I heard him sigh behind me and the quiet of his steps as he approached.

"Please, don't cry…I hate it when girls cry…I wasn't trying to –"

When my tears could not be stifled, he sighed more heavily. "_Please stop_," he pleaded, but I didn't turn. Instead, I spoke to the window, unable to face him.

"Listen here: I'm not moving, _alright_? I love this house….There's just something about it. It spoke to me the moment I set my eyes on it…I cannot bear to part with it now that it's mine. It was as if…as if it spoke to me on some level…Imploring me to fill it up, to make it something again…After all that time just sitting there, all empty…Well I'm prepared to take whatever you've got to dish out! I don't expect you to understand, let alone care, about what I'm saying – This is how I feel, and if you don't like it, you're just going to have to live with your discomfort." I sniffed.

"But I do understand," he replied, softly now. "I built it, this house. I know how I feel about it…I know how others _should_ feel about it. I made it to be that way. I paid attention to every detail. I was careful about everything: the wood, the fabric, the views, and the carvings – I made them all to fit just the right feeling that I wanted expressed for each room. The furniture! Everything! I did it all, so I understand…I've just never met anyone who's truly felt that deeply about it before…" I turned to look at him – his emerald eyes looked as if they were seeing me with new light, his face no longer angry.

"Well, you like the house, do you?" he asked, and I nodded. "Well that counts in your favor. And you've got spunk – you didn't scare like all the others, so that's in your favor as well." He looked me up and down and I felt suddenly self-conscious. "Alright then," he sighed, "You can stay." I scoffed.

"_Thank you_, kind sir," I replied snarkily, "for your permission – _as if I needed it_," I added quietly to myself. He heard though, but he merely smirked.

"Just keep your distance," he replied, "I'm only letting you stay…on temporary trial…It'll be good for the house, to be lived in and everything, just…refrain from going back down there…There are places in this house that are _mine_, deed or no deed and I would…_appreciate_…it if you respected that." He looked at me sternly, as if he expected me to disagree.

"Fine, I can abide by that, but only if you can abide by not being in my room while I sleep!" He rolled his eyes. "Oh, and keep out of sight, mind, I don't want you showing yourself all over the place, especially with Alice around. That's the last thing I want." He laughed.

"I'll go wherever I want _whenever_ I want. I'll do what I like, it's still my house." I gave him a stern look and he sighed. "But fine, I'll keep out of sight…My presence will just be between you and me," he whispered, almost huskily – or was that my imagination - "As far as the room requirement goes…I have a counter offer."

"Oh?" I replied, putting a hand on my hip and gazing at him with curiosity.

"I'll stay out of the rest of the house, away from Alice and everyone else you decide to let it, as long as you keep this room how it is and allow me to stay in it. This room is the one I take most pride in, it's special to me, and I'll promise to keep to it if you allow me the small liberty of seeing it remain the same," he quietly explained. I sighed. As much as I didn't want him hearing anything to revealing that I might mumble in my sleep…he was too convincing and sincere sounding for me to deny him – besides, it was a fair trade off for him to stay out of the way. I looked at him and nodded.

"Alright, agreed. But –" He cocked an eyebrow, "I don't know how I feel about…about a boy being in my room while I…sleep…" He chuckled lightly at my worry, shaking his head.

"I'm a ghost, Miss Swan, I doubt you have anything to worry about." And just because he had to say it like that – with that velvet voice of his and that dazzling look in his eye – I couldn't come up with any further argument.

"Fine…I suppose that will be alright…" I mumbled.

"Ahh…Well, I guess that's settled then," he replied, avoiding looking at me. Instead he gazed out the window. I looked away, sighing. Everything had gone completely differently than I'd expected – I turned back, to ask him just what he was planning on doing now, but he was gone. I looked about the room, not seeing him. I sighed. Of course, he was gone just as silently as he came. It was just as well, I thought, looking out the window, Alice would be home soon and that meant that he…Edward ( I should get used to saying his name, even in my head ) would have to be gone anyway.

I decided I had better get my own dinner fixed and went downstairs, thoughts about the encounter swirling in my head.

**Cheers and review. I hoped you liked the Bella/Edward interaction!**

* * *

**Playlist:**

Yes - Owner of A Lonely Heart

Phoenix - 1901

Cake - Shadow Stabbing

The Strokes - Is This It?

Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - You Could Write A Novel


	7. Midnight Coward

I was chopping carrots for my spicy stew when I heard the front door lock click open and I knew Alice had to be home. I heard laughter and a male voice speaking softly. Great, she brought Jasper home with her – _just what I needed_. I had to start urging Alice to start looking for her own place. A few minutes later, she wandered in, but she was alone, thankfully.

"Mmmm, something smells good," she hummed, coming towards me. I rolled my eyes and continued with my work, sliding the carrots into the boiling stew.

"Of course it does, I'm practically a gourmet chef," I joked, and Alice chuckled.

"So…I had a _wonderful_ time with Jasper!" Alice sang and I knew what she was getting at, internally cringing at what was promising to be a long night of girl-talk.

"Really?" I tried to put some interested inflection in my voice, but it sounded _way_ too forced. Alice didn't seem to notice, however, and continued on excitedly.

"Yeah! We have _so much in common_! He likes all the same movies I like, and the same music! But he's so calm, you know? So collected! I _need_ that in my life, what with all the hectic mania of the fashion world! Jasper's really interested in my business –"

"Alice, deep breath, and slow down," I insisted, trying to make sense of the jumble that was falling out of her mouth. She took a seat at the island and pulled bag of lettuce towards her and started nibbling on the stray pieces. I snatched it away.

"I haven't washed those yet!"

"It's _fine_, Bella. So anyways, he's from Texas, but he moved up here because he wanted to be in a smaller town and he has family connections up here."

"Really? It's kind of a far distance," I supplied, trying to keep in the conversation so she wouldn't get ahead of herself.

"Yeah, that's what I said, but he said that his parents liked a colder climate – they've been living up here since he was in college."

"And how old is he, then?" I asked, thinking about whether or not he knew of Edward. Judging by his parent's information, they _must_ have known him – or _about_ him, more probably, since they'd been up here long enough.

"He's twenty-three and he's got a bachelors degree in psychology – he's trying to get a degree in psychiatry, he's really good at talking to people and understanding their emotions."

"Alice, he sounds great, but how's he going to get his psychiatry degree in _Forks, Washington_? What's he doing here in the meantime? Does he have a job?" I turned off the burner, sprinkling the last bit of spices into the mix before giving it a few more stirs.

"He's been working at a Outdoor Supply store, and he's been taking classes online until he has the chance to apply to a more suitable college," Alice replied, beaming. "He's thinking of staying in-state, though, to stay close to family…" I looked over at her.

"Has he asked if you wanted to meet his parents' yet?" I asked in a curious tone – this boy sounded highly sensitive and quiet, totally unlike Alice – family seemed to be important to him – he must have been really into Alice to explain all this to her. I hoped that Alice realized all this and why she was so into someone who was completely different in character.

"No, but he wants to see me again – and I do too. I _really_ like him, Bella," Alice sighed, gazing off into the distance. I didn't say anything, instead opting to ladle some stew into a bowl, sliding it in front of her. She didn't seem to register it. I poured myself my own bowl and sat across from her.

"I'm glad you've found someone, Alice, and I'm glad it's going so well..." she didn't seem to be hearing me, but I continued on, hoping she'd catch up, "but if you're going to be getting involved with someone, don't you think it would be helpful to have your own place…?" I trailed off. She didn't respond, but looked down and, noticing the stew, picked up a stray spoon and began eating.

"Yum – the gourmet chef strikes again!"

"Alice," she looked up at me, "have you thought about looking for another place?" Alice looked at me for a moment, before returning to her soup.

"I have thought about it Bella…" she trailed off before looking up at me, here eyes probing, "I just want to make sure that you're doing alright, though…I mean, I don't want you to be alone…after Mike, and all, you know?" I expected to feel a tightening in my gut at the mention of Mike's name, but nothing happened. Instead, I wondered what Edward would think of me being a widow…But I had to make Alice feel assured.

"I'm fine, Alice – Mike is…well, I'm moving on from, from that and I'm doing alright. I have this beautiful house and now I have a job. So you don't have to worry about me." Alice continued to look at me, I suppose because she thought I might just be saying these things to appease her, but she eventually seemed satisfied.

"Fine, I'll start looking tomorrow."

"Good," I stated, happily, clinking my spoon against my bowl and grabbing Alice's. "I'm just going to wash up and then go to bed, I'm kind of tired." I hoped that she'd buy that story, because in all truth, I wanted to scope out my room and see if Edward was there. Perhaps I could get a chance to talk to him…Wait, what? I didn't really want to talk to him, did I? My thoughts were interrupted by Alice's exclamation.

"I'll be right back!" and she rushed out of the room, only to return a second later with a gigantic white plastic bag.

"Alice, what is that?" I asked and she pulled out a large plastic casing that seemed to contain –

"Bedding?" I questioned. Alice nodded excitedly.

"I saw this while out with Jasper today and I _had to get it_ – it was so you!" I took the case from her and unzipped it, revealing a beautiful duvet of navy blue color adorned with embroidered white stars.

"Wow Alice, this is…well…beautiful – thank you…I'll get you the money as soon as I can –"

"No, Bella, this is a housewarming gift from me to you," Alice interrupted, smiling. "And I got matching sheets, so now you can sleep in your own bed and in comfort! Enjoy!" Bella smiled and hugged her good friend.

"Thank you, Alice. You've been so good to me all this time…I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You're my best friend, Bella. I love you as if you were my sister and you know I love being here with you." She gave Bella a tight squeeze then stepped back.

"Good night, Bella, sleep well."

"Are you turning in too, then?" If Alice was going to bed, then it was quite possible that Bella could have a conversation with Edward – if he were there – without being overheard.

"Yeah – I'm tired too. Plus I told Jasper that I would call him before I went to bed." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, I see how it is – Well in that case, goodnight _lover girl_, and try and keep it short, I'm sure we'll be plenty busy tomorrow." Alice rolled her eyes at me and headed off to the guest bedroom. I finished washing up the dishes before making my way slowly up the stairs to my own bedroom. I stood outside it for a moment, cautious, preparing myself for what might lay beyond the threshold. It was rather silent, so I made my way slowly in.

I don't know what I expected to happen, whether I expected Edward to be leaning casually against the wall or to be contemplating the view from the window – but whatever, he wasn't there. I let out a sigh, but I wasn't sure whether it was of relief or disappointment. I was frightened of it being the latter – he was a ghost, nothing more, why should _I_ want anything to do with him?

I made my way further into the room, carrying the bedding. The sheets fit my mattress perfectly – thank God for Alice – and it looked beautiful with the duvet.

Grabbing my nightgown, I sauntered into my bathroom and got dressed for bed, brushed my teeth and spent some time observing my unusually plain brown hair. I was considering getting it cut or styled – at the moment it fell past my shoulders, slightly curly, but more wavy. Other than that, I did nothing to it, but Alice had made several hints at getting it styled. I had never taken her seriously because at those times I wasn't worried about looking good for anyone, not even myself, but now…

What was I thinking! I huffed and headed out of the bathroom. It was silly of me, checking myself out in my mirror – there was no one in my life I wanted to please…But some how subconsciously, and embarrassingly enough, I wanted to look for Edward – crazy! He was a ghost! What did it matter how I looked to him? But it was as if there were a little voice in my head, planting thoughts. Why shouldn't I look good? Shouldn't I prove to him that he's not the only one who can be good looking? But all this proved to do was to make me feel more self-conscious about just how plain I looked. When I was with Mike, he would tell me I was pretty and all, but with him I never felt like I had to look a certain way. He just liked me for me.

Not that Edward was any different – and why should I hope for him to like me anyway? We were already at odds just because I was living in his house and he wanted to pretend it was still his and that he was alive in it. I shook my head at these thoughts. I was getting extremely ridiculous and this had to stop.

Turning off the lights impatiently, I got quickly into my new bed, relishing in the coolness of the sheets as they caressed my legs. Hopefully sleep would clear up all this nonsense that was circling in my brain and I would wake up and not have to deal with any of it.

"Don't let anyone tell you that you don't have a perfect figure."

I sat up straight in bed, my eyes searching through the dark for him. However that velvet voice was all that indicated his presence in my room for I could see no trace of his figure.

"Where are you?" I hissed. "If you're going to talk to me I demand that you be present. None of this disembodied voice nonsense! It's too –"

"Ghostly?" he finished, and there he was, standing at the foot of my bed, moonbeams catching on his face as he contemplated me. I drew the covers up further, so that they covered most of my chest. I was suddenly extremely self-conscious of my body, particularly since he was standing there, looking at me. I saw his eyes travel up the length of my form.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"You should know. I am a ghost. Obviously some of my…habits are going to be a little supernatural, it's only reasonable."

"No," I replied, shaking my head, "what you said before. What did you mean about…perfect figure?" Of course my overly critical, self-conscious brain would pick up on _that_ part of the conversation. He grinned.

"I meant exactly what it sounded like. Don't let anyone tell you to be ashamed of your body…It's quite lovely." I hate him! I hate him and his stupid teasing ways!

"How dare you! You are so crude, Edward Masen, and if you can't respect me while I live in this house than I'm going to have to forbid you from entering this room. Let's get something straight: when I'm going to bed, that means that this place is off limits and you can't come in. Show some respect and shove _off_!" I yelled, but quietly, trying not to alert Alice to the noise. Edward just shook his head, still smiling obnoxiously.

"Well, Swan, I can see I've upset you – and for that, I'm sorry. I just thought I'd pay you the compliment, but I can see I was overstepping my boundaries. From now on, I shall respect your wishes and, as you so politely put it, 'Shove off.'" And he disappeared, but I had the feeling he had been mocking me. I still felt his presence, my skin tingling. I don't know quite how it was possible, but whenever he was around, my body was on hyper alert, and I knew he had to still be in the room. Somehow this was worse, not being able to see him but knowing he could see me, spy on me.

Needless to say I didn't get any sleep that night.

* * *

**Playlist:**

Stars - Midnight Coward

Motion City Soundtrack – This Is For Real

U2 – Exit

Cake – Palm of Your Hand

The Beach Boys – In My Room

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it took me a while to write it. Hard to top the first Edward/Bella exchange, but I think that the story is going well and it will pick up some pace soon. Please review and let me know what you think! Cheers.**


	8. Tougher Than It Is

**Sorry for such a late update and keeping you all waiting. I won't go through this long list of excuses (believe me, I have them) but I'd much rather just let you get on with the story, so here you are and I hope you enjoy.**

I awoke slowly in the morning, blinking against the stream of sunlight that fell through the open windows. It had been a restless night's sleep, what with the constant nagging thought that Edward was there, staring at me while I lay beneath the sheets. I had slept with the covers all the way up to my chin so as not to let him catch a sight of "perfect figure" as he called it.

Hoping that he wasn't still there in the room, I threw back the covers and made my way to my dresser, pulling out some of the new clothes that Alice had bought me – a navy-blue sweater and some light-wash skinny jeans. I changed in the bathroom, not daring to risk the chance of assuming Edward was still in the bedroom, then came out quickly. I had to get breakfast ready for me and Alice before I headed off to my new work.

As I was heading out, however, I was distracted by the beautiful sight out my window. I really did pick the perfect house. My room overlooked the sprawling green of Forks, the forest stretching on for miles. The sun was breaking over the far line of trees on the horizon.

"There, now, you look much better in _those_ clothes than that baggy get-up you usually wear," his velvety voice greeted me. I jumped, but sighed knowingly. I _knew_ he'd still be tagging around. Turning to face him, I was hit full force by the beauty of his face in sunlight. It practically gleamed with the light of a million-faceted jewels, and his emerald eyes were shining brightly, as if he had just been laughing at a good joke.

"And what exactly was wrong with my clothes before? They were comfortable," I explained, defensively. He smirked.

"Yes, but they made you look frumpy and they _completely_ hid your figure – I much prefer being able to see your…curves," he ended his sentence seductively, hinting. I scowled at him.

"My late-husband had no problem with them. In fact, he bought me most of those and he said I looked beautiful in anything. We both agreed on comfort before vanity and it suited us just fine." I raised my chin in defiance. He chuckled then shook his head, frowning at my words.

"And I suppose he chose those ridiculous, amorphous outfits on purpose to hide you. Seems like a right-controlling prick, he does. But you didn't really love him, did you?" he asked, his eyes sparkling as he waited to see my reaction. All I could do was splutter at his outrageous assumptions.

"What – I – you – that's not – Uggg!" He laughed and turned to look at the windows.

"Why in the world did you uncover them? I liked my privacy and the dark…The whole room is full of blasted _light_ now…How can you stand it?"

"How can you stand the dark?" I returned, giving him an incredulous look. "And what do you mean, you like your privacy? There is no one near here to disturb you - you built this house in the middle of nowhere! Plus, you are dead." He rolled his eyes, but I continued. "No, it's much better like this, with the windows clear. I _enjoy_ what little sunlight there is out here…" Edward rolled his eyes.

"If you don't enjoy darkness so much, why in the world would you move _up here_. It's overcast 80% of the time." He was staring at me now, his eyes looking curiously at my face, as if my answer were truly important, as if he were trying to lift it out my head himself.

"I moved here because I had to…get out…I wanted to be somewhere _different_ than where I was. This place is actually the complete opposite of where I used to live. And I don't mind the darkness so much, because there's plenty of light in my life besides." He didn't say anything, just continued to look at me with an intrigued expression.

"Look, I have to go get breakfast before I go to work. I can't be late, it's my first day," I explained, moving towards the door. Edward walked with me, unfortunately. I didn't know what I'd do if he followed me down to the kitchen and Alice was there…

"Ah, you've got work have you? And what exactly is it?" We were down the stairs now and he continued to follow. I sighed and replied back, hoping to give him sufficient enough information that he'd leave.

"I'm going to be a bookshop keeper's assistant." He laughed and I stopped short in the hallway outside the kitchen, looking at him.

"What's so funny?" I asked, hands on my hips. He was still shaking with laughter.

"I should have known you'd be the book-wormy type," he replied after his laughter subsided.

"I happen to think the job suites me perfectly and I will thank you not to laugh. At least I'll be getting paid to do something I enjoy." With that said, I entered the kitchen and began making breakfast. I broke eggs and started making an omelet. Edward, who seemed particularly determined to be known today, followed. I continued to pray Alice stayed in her room. I didn't even know if Alice would be able to _see_ Edward like I could or if Edward was visible to _everyone_.

"Indeed, I think that is an excellent idea. What I find amazing, however, is the irony of it all! Imagine, a book lover who has absolutely _no_ idea that she's stumbled upon a goldmine of literature." He laughed again and I froze. What exactly did he mean by that?

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. What are you referring to?" Edward just shook his head and walked out of the room. I stared after him until I heard the snapping and popping and turned my attention back to my nearly burnt omelet. After plating it I set it aside and walked out the way I saw Edward go, but it was the hallway next to the kitchen so he could have gone either way.

"Hey!" I called out. I waited, but there was only silence. I huffed and was about to turn back into the kitchen when Edward appeared by my side again. I yelped and jumped in surprise, causing him to smirk.

I reached out to smack him, but he stepped back, not allowing me to touch him – then I wondered whether I'd be able to touch him at all…him being a ghost.

"Follow me," he commanded, and turned to walk down the hall. I watched his back, still lost in thought, but then shook my head and walked after him. He stopped just at the wall at the end of the hallway and turned to me.

"I suppose it would have been more fun to see if you would ever find this place, but then again…what would be the point? You found my sacred space annoyingly quickly, but I'm giving you permission to…use this space as you wish…now that I know you are a…lover of literature, like myself." With that explanation, he turned and pressed his hand against a bronze-colored tile in the middle of the wall, which I had thought was merely part of a pattern, but what turned out to be a cleverly masked latch that opened a panel in the wall. The tile gave way under the pressure Edward placed on it and the wall panel popped out enough for him to slide his fingers against, prying it all the way open. It swung forward like a door and on the other side, I laid eyes on an awesome sight.

It was a room, much larger than my bedroom, with shelf upon shelf of books – books lining the walls, eight feet tall, shelves that lined like dominoes in the center of the room. I couldn't do the math of that immense size, but from all that my eyes were taking in, there had to be hundreds of thousands of books in that room. I turned to Edward, my eyes wide with shock.

"How can you have this many books? How _old_ were you when you died? To have collected that many books…you must have been filthy rich! Edward!" He laughed at my surprise.

"Indeed, I was filthy rich…You better believe it. And I spent as much of it as I could on books. And on my piano. And on building this house. When you're rich, Bella, you have so many options," he told me sincerely. I thought about that, about how he had so many things, and they all seemed to be items that he could enjoy in solitary, without companionship. It was almost as if he were determined to keep private.

"If you're so insistent on your privacy," I blurted out, "then why do you have _so many_ secret rooms like this!?" I questioned. He shook his head and shrugged, choosing not to comment. I frowned at this, but let it go, letting my eyes wander over the spines of the books nearest us.

"Edward?" I began again, thinking.

"Hmm," he replied. I turned to look at him and he was staring at me intently. I felt myself blush at the intensity of his eyes.

"You say I can use this place?" I asked.

"Whenever you feel the need to use it," he replied, smiling.

"Does that mean Alice can use it too?" I questioned. Edward frowned at the mention of Alice.

"I'll leave that up to you, I suppose. If you feel you should tell her about it, you may…But not about the other place. That's mine." His face was tight. I decided it would be better not to tell Alice. The more things she didn't know about this house, the better. Knowing Alice, she might get suspicious about my intimate knowledge of the secret workings of this place after having only been here three weeks or so.

"I won't tell," I replied, then thought a moment before adding, "What would happen if, say, you were talking to me, like before in the kitchen, and Alice walked in? What would happen? Would she see you?"

"No," Edward replied, stepping closer to me and looking down into my face. "Only you can see me, and that's how I'll keep it." He smiled.

"But why can I see you? Why would you just remain invisible? Can you turn it on and off, this invisibility? Pick and choose?" I asked. I had so many questions, but the morning was running out and soon I'd have to run off to work.

"Yes, I can choose who can see me and who can't. I decided to let you see me because it's what you wanted. You were very demanding, don't you remember? And I kind of liked it, you were so strong-spirited, I thought it would be much more fun to reveal myself to you than remain a constant, invisible presence, stuck with only watching you. I much prefer interacting with you…" Here he trailed off, his eyes softening and he reached out his arm, as if he were going to touch my face, my cheek, perhaps, but then he blinked and withdrew his arm, as if he had thought better of it. That made me think.

"Can – can we touch?" I asked hesitantly, peering up at him. Edward's eyes darkened, their green becoming much more potent, as if he were struggling to come up with the right answer.

"Yes – and no," he replied, his brow furrowed. "We can touch, but…it would be cold for you…and probably not pleasant. I think it's best that we stick to a non-contact friendship for now," he decided. For some reason, my brain got stuck on the "for now," part of that sentence, thinking about the possibilities of touching him in future…My heart fluttered at the thought, but I quickly squashed that foreign feeling before smiling up at him.

"Fine, well, it's nice to finally figure some of this stuff out. We should talk later…I think you owe it to me to answer some more of my questions. But right now I have to get to work."

"Yes, of course. Work, well, enjoy that. I'll see you later in your bedroom, Isabella," he whispered in my ear, before stepping back and disappearing into the shadows of the room. I rolled my eyes at his insistence on drama – it was right out of a cliché dramatic action-flick – and headed back into the kitchen, making sure to close the secret door behind me.

When I rounded the corner, I spotted Alice. She was tying into my omelet. I sighed. Looks like it was cereal for me – I had no time to make myself another breakfast.

"Good morning!" she greeted me cheerily. I smiled and got out a bowl for my frosted flakes. "I slept really well, for once," Alice continued, "and man, this is good. Thanks!" I nodded my head before getting some milk. "Are you leaving soon?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, I have to be there at eight. I'll be back before too late, probably I'll be off at three. Are you going apartment shopping?" I asked.

"Yes, I'll be looking for a place. Hopefully I'll be able to find some place near here."

"I hope so too," I added. I went over and hugged her briefly. "You know, Alice, that I love you and I'm not trying to kick you out, or anything, right? I – I just need some space…I came out here for space, to clear my head…which is proving rather difficult," I added, under my breath so that Alice couldn't hear. I was referring to Edward, of course. Edward, the most confusion, annoying, strangely comforting new fixture in my life…Alice hugged me back.

"I understand, Bella – You know I do. I just want to make sure that you're alright because you know how much I care about you. But don't worry," she added, standing up and taking her dishes to the sink, "I'm going to find a place today and then I'm going to invite Jasper over." She said this with conviction and I hoped that didn't mea what I thought it meant.

"And to do what, exactly?" I asked, trying to be subtle but she merely rolled her eyes and I knew she knew to what I was hinting at.

"Come on, Bella, you know me better than that. I've just met the guy and despite the fact that we've hit it off really well, I'm not about to do anything with him just yet. So don't you worry." I nodded then glanced at the time on the microwave: 7:50.

"Nerds! I'm late!" I cried and basically slammed my dishes into the sink before rushing off to grab my purse. Having made sure I had absolutely everything I needed I called out a goodbye to Alice and quickly shut the door with a slam behind me and dashed off towards my car.

* * *

**Playlist:**

Behind the Sun – The Good, The Bad, & The Queen

Bring On the Terror – Robbers On Highstreet

Reckoner – Radiohead

Tougher Than it Is – Cake

Soil, Soil – Tegan & Sara

* * *

**Well, that's it for now, sorry it's not longer. I hope you enjoyed it and that it answered some questions as to the nature of Edward the ghost. I will hopefully be posting again soon, but I won't make any promises, in case I can't keep them. Review please! Cheers!**


	9. Bring On the Terror

**Be happy! Another update! And it's a long one, for all you patient readers. Enjoy!**

It was eight o'clock on the dot when I pulled up in front of the book shop, Tattered Pages it was called. Charlie was visible through the blurry front window. He waved when he saw me approaching. I smiled, waving back, before entering.

"Good morning, Bella, it's good to see you," Charlie greeted, smiling that friendly smile. I blushed faintly and murmured back the same. "Well, he continued, are you ready to start? I have a pile with your name on it waiting just over there." He pointed to a stack of books that looked fairly new.

"Yes, of course, I can start now," I replied.

"Good. Now, all you really need to do is make sure each of those gets put in the proper section and then put in the correct place on the shelf following alphabetical order…I won't have you do anything non-fiction yet, we'll just see how you do with the novels." So he was testing me, I thought, as I nodded and took the first few off the pile.

I knew the system of work fairly well, I was often in libraries back in Phoenix, and had even volunteered in many of them for a while. I knew how things were placed…even if it was slightly different in a bookstore.

After I had finished with one stack, Charlie always had another waiting for me. It was slow work, but I enjoyed being able to be surrounded by the comfort of books – my favorite pass time – and to be able to get paid for doing something I loved, which was taking care of such books. Charlie was always cheerful, a great people-person, conversing with any customer and always helpful. He even let me help a few customers once in a while – which I was sure was another test – and that pleased me greatly.

All in all, the day went by very quickly – I had lunch at the café down the street – and Charlie even let me lock up. It was an overall good day for me and I looked forward to going home and making myself a nice bowl of soup and settling down to maybe a movie. Then I remembered that I hadn't set up my television yet. Sighing, I drove home, wondering if Alice had managed to find any place yet. I laughed to myself, thinking, the past couple of times I'd come home I had had just that same thought – has Alice gotten a place – and then I wondered why it was that I was so eager to get her out of the house. The self-denial part of my brain said it was because I was excited about having the place to myself again and I really just wanted to be alone. My factual, non-nonsense part told me that it was more along the lines of getting to have the house to myself and _Edward_ that I was excited about.

Edward. Just his name had my body in a pause, my stomach tightening, and a blush creeping along my cheeks. Why did he have such a pull on me? Such an effect that seemed almost like a defect? Was it a defect, this attraction to the lonely ghost? Surely it must be, for only a fool would fall in love with a dead person's ghost…Fall in love? I shook my head sharply and got out of the car quickly. I had to stop this ridiculous train of thought before it went to places that I was nowhere _near_ comfortable thinking about.

Heading up to the door, I fumbled for my keys. Just as I was fishing them out of my purse, the door opened. I looked up and, speak of the devil, Edward's eyes stared back at me, green and sparkling in the fading rays of the setting sun. My heart gave a flutter and I felt a little faint.

"You alright, Swan?" he asked, his brow furrowing. "You look a bit pale – well, paler than normal, I should say…I can barely believe you lived in Phoenix – your tan is nonexistent."

"I'm…fine," I lied, fishing for the first safe word I could find. I brushed passed him and looked around, making sure everything was as I left it. Then I wondered why I'd even think anything would be out of place. Seeing Edward so suddenly had put all thoughts in my brain into a scrambler and now I couldn't remember what I'd been planning on doing once inside.

"Sure you are," Edward replied, following me. I wasn't aware of how close he was behind me until he spoke directly into my ear, "You know, when you flush like that, your skin looks exquisite…" Needless to say I jumped about ten feet in the air and blushed deeper than I had previously. I heard Edward laugh, that beautiful bell sound again, and I turned to glare at him.

"You know, for someone who has touching-issues, you sure like to get up close and personal," I replied smarmily. Edward rolled his eyes and his eyes darkened a little.

"Look, Bella, the fact is not that I have 'touching issues'" he quoted me, "it's just that I don't think either of us would be ready for anything of the sort…I'm not real, Bella, I'm a ghost – not a person. I may look like a man, but that doesn't mean that I am one anymore…however much I'd like to be…" he trailed off, his eyes appraising me in a way that had me wondering what he was thinking.

"Sorry, it's just…I get so shocked every time you're near me and I guess I'll never really get used to it…" I sighed.

"Even if I do it often enough?" he asked suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows and I gave him a stern look.

"If you plan on doing that more in future, at least can I have you promise not to do that while I have company or – or while I'm doing something that requires my concentration?" Edward smirked and folded his arms across his chest.

"Sure, I can do that," he agreed.

"I'd ask you to shake on it but it seems there may be a difficulty," I giggled, then clapped a hand over my mouth – who knew where this insane, school-girlish reaction came from! I hadn't giggled in years. Certainly I'd never giggled when I had been with Mike…

Edward grinned lopsidedly at me and I felt another flutter in my chest. I shook it off as giddiness.

"Ooo, clever Swan, I'd never have tagged you for a joker," he replied smoothly, still smiling.

"Well, whatever…Hey," I started, changing the subject, "is Alice home?" I suddenly worried about whether or not she'd heard us talking…or more particularly _me_ talking to _nobody_ and thinking I was going crazy. Then she _really_ wouldn't want me staying by myself.

"No, she isn't…She went out with that Jasper bloke again…I didn't hear what they were planning, but I don't think they'll be back until late."

"Well, that's a relief," I sighed going over to sit down on the couch.

"And why is that?" Edward asked, again raising his eyebrow suggestively, "Are you that desperate to be alone with me?" he asked, his voice a bit huskier than usual…No, that was just my imagination.

"No!" I replied quickly, and a little loudly, "It's just," I continued, much quieter, "I just don't want to get caught in an awkward position of having to explain to her why it is that I'm talking to _myself_ as if I were a crazy person." Edward laughed.

"Oh really? That's what you're worried about?"

"Yes," I huffed, and watched as he began to move towards the couch to sit down. I wondered for a moment whether he had to prepare himself to sit or else fall through the solid object…I still didn't quite understand the nature of Edward's existence…the laws that enforced the living of a ghost.

"Well, I guess that's a valid point that is about to be put to the test," he replied excitedly, his eyes darting to look out the living room window. I frowned, unsure of what he was talking about – and then the doorbell rang. I felt my heart jump into my throat.

"Who could it be?!" I shrilled and got up, sharply peeked out the window. Then I felt myself freeze.

"Oh noooo!" I moaned, my eyes fixing on the two figures just outside my door.

"Who is it?" Edward asked curiously and, surprise-surprise, he had moved right behind me.

"My mother and my stepfather!" I whined. This was not going to be good.

"Oh, your mother, huh?" Edward replied mischievously, his eyes glinting. "This should be fun."

"No," I told him sternly, you're not going to do anything, you're going to let _me_ handle this, alright? I'm not about to let you mess things up for me and my family. I can handle them myself." Wow, I did _not_ sound the least bit convincing. I was afraid of why they were here, why they had followed me all the way from sunny, hot Arizona up to cold, dreary Washington. Whatever it was, it must be a pretty strong inkling, because there was no way my mother would make this trek without a very important purpose…And she brought Phil with her, which means she wanted support. Not good.

I was prepared to defend myself against whatever it was that they were going to try and hurl at me, but I wasn't prepared to do it with a ghost that made my heart weak in the room with me.

"Perhaps," I started hesitantly, "perhaps you could disappear for a minute, while I deal with them. I'll see you later, okay," I told him, but Edward only grinned at me.

"Sorry, Swan, looks like this could be too much fun for you to have without me. You forget, I don't normally receive so many visitors and I get bored. It's nice of you to provide me with so much entertainment in such a short time as you've been here."

"Fine," I agreed through gritted teeth, "but don't you dare make a sound!" And with that, I raced to the door, where one of them was knocking furiously by now, and wrenched it open. It was Phil who'd been doing the knocking. His face was set in what I thought was meant to be a smile, but looked more like a grimace. Renee was staring at me with bright eyes – she was happy to see me, but I wondered for how long.

"Oh, Bella!" she cried, leaning forward and pulling me into a tight hug, "It's so good to see you! I've missed you so!"

"I missed you too, mother," I relented, hugging her back. After a moment, I pulled away. "Please, come inside," I invited. They followed me in. I took them to the living room, glancing around quickly to find Edward – but he was nowhere to be found. I sighed, frustrated, unsure of what he was playing at.

"Why don't you sit down," I suggested, pointed to my new couch. Renee sat, but Phil stayed standing, looking about the room.

"Hmmm, interesting taste you've got here," he muttered, looking at the odd assortments of furniture that I had inherited from Edward. I blushed, knowing full well that this wasn't exactly my taste – thought I did love everything that I had found in this house, furniture included.

"Yes, well, I picked this house out because I loved everything about it," I replied, albeit a little defensively.

"Bella, honey, the house is…a little isolated," my mother put in, her face a bit pink. I shrugged.

"I think its fine, it's not like Forks is a big place. The house is beautiful and I can get to town by my car within minutes."

"Bella, honey, really…it isn't that the house isn't nice, but…how are you, well dealing with it…financially?" Renee asked.

"What Renee means is, how are you paying for all of this? This house is practically a mansion. It's not like Mike died and left you with a pile of cash." Leave it to Phil to be so blunt and crude. I grimaced and looked at my hands.

"Well…I used up all of the money that Mike left me…and I've been supporting myself through this bookshop job I just accepted…I'll pay off the loan eventually…My mortgage isn't bad…I'll manage." I sounded defensive, dang it, and that wasn't good. I wanted to sound confident and capable of handling things myself, but right now this wasn't really working.

"Oh, Bella! Why can't you just come back home, sweetie! Phil and I can support you until you can find a job and get back on your feet," Renee told me tenderly, coming over to stroke my arm.

"Ha! As if you'd be better off in Phoenix, you've already got a job here!" I gulped – Edward was back. I looked quickly from Renee to Phil to gauge their reactions, but neither of them looked as if they'd heard anything. Then I remembered that Edward was only audible and visual when he wanted to be. I looked over to find him sitting where Renee previously had been, lounge, more like it, his arms outstretched along the back and his leg crossed over to rest on his other knee. He grinned at me.

"Look mother," I answered her, ignoring Edward, "I already have a job, and I like it here. I don't want to leave. I came with a purpose in mind and I'm planning on finishing it out." Renee's face fell and tears brimmed her eyes.

"Bella, what's so wrong with coming home?" she whispered. "Why don't you come home?" I knew she was trying to get me to break, but I had already resolved to stay and it would take more than a mother's tears to get me to go.

"You're mother needs you," Phil prompted, his eyes hard when I looked at him. "You're being ridiculous, Bella. It doesn't do you any good to be all the way in the middle of nowhere, with debt and a house that you can't afford and a mother back home who is lost without her child." Phil's words, though meant to make me see the light, only made me angry – and I wasn't the only one, apparently.

"Oh! You think that's the ticket to get you're girl back!" Edward barked, "Bella's much stronger than that, you blind man!" I shot him a warning look.

"I'm not a little girl anymore – and you're not my father, so I think I have a right in saying, back off!"

"Bella!" Renee cried, shock evident in her tone.

"That a girl," Edward praised, grinning.

"You keep out of this!" I hissed at him.

"Bella, I'm you're mother, I have a right in being a part of your life!"

"I wasn't talking to –"

"Bella, Renee's initial plan was obviously to get you to agree to come with us, but I see that a different tactic is needed. You're in debt, that much is obvious. And this little job of yours – this bookstore whatever, it won't be enough. You need to come home and you need to be with your mother."

"What I need," I ground out, my eyes boring into Phil's, "is to be left _alone_!"

"Well, more like, left alone with me," Edward gloated, his eyes glinting. Then he turned to look a Phil. "You really are a sucker, to think that you have any power over her – She's _mine_," he all but growled.

Whoa, I'd have to deal with that little tidbit later. Right now, I had to force myself to ignore Edward's comments and pretend like he wasn't there so I could focus on getting rid of the parental situation.

"Bella, how can you talk to Phil this way!? Oh this is too much!" Renee sobbed and covered her face with her hands. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Mother, you don't _need_ me, what you need is a first class ticket out of here. You haven't needed me for years! You've had Phil, and I _had_ Mike, but now I don't, and that's okay. Would you like to see the house?" Renee looked up at me suddenly, surprised by my offering. Hell, even _I_ was surprised, but I had to have more time to think of a better way to get them to leave. Obviously telling them that I was perfectly capable of handling my own monetary situation wasn't enough.

"A-alright," she mumbled, and I nodded, and, not caring if Phil was following, led her into the kitchen. I said little as I showed them about, only commenting when they had something in particular to say. Edward followed behind, ghostly as ever, giving Phil a withering stare whenever he thought I wasn't looking.

When I got to my room – Edward's, that is _our_ room – Renee seemed a bit better about the house. Phil, however, took one look at Edward's portrait and snorted.

"This panting is hideous," he announced.

"Oh, and with a face like yours you ought to be careful with your comments on ugly," Edward snarled. "Plus, Bella seems to like it perfectly fine." He smirked at me.

"It is not!" I objected, going to stand by it. "I think it is perfectly lovely." I blushed and furiously avoided looking over at Edward who barked a laugh and I'm sure looked fairly smug.

"Seriously, Bella, whoever built this house and furnished it had absolutely _no_ taste. And I don't know why you'd sleep with this awful man staring at you all night. It's unsightly!" I rolled my eyes.

"_He's_ unsightly," Edward glowered.

"Shut _up_," I hissed, but Phil heard me.

"Oh I like that! If I didn't know any better I would have said you were raised by wolves!" he growled.

"Hey, don't you talk to her like that!" Edward growled back, getting up in Phil's face, though Phil could not see him.

"Edward!" I interjected, then slapped a hand over my mouth. My mother frowned.

"Edward? Who's Edward?" She looked at me, her eyes searching.

"Umm, oh, uh…" I stalled, and then blurted, "the portrait, the portrait over there is of Edward…and he's not hideous," I put in for good measure.

"Oh, I see," Renee whispered.

"Renee, I've had about enough of this," Phil rumbled. "Look, we've tried, now let's go. I don't want to stand here and be talked to that way. She's your daughter, I think it's time you said good bye and good luck." And with that, he turned and exited, causing Renee to look at me, torn, and tears splash down her cheeks.

"Bella…." _Sniffle_ "I'm sorry about" _sniffle_ "Phil, it's just" _sniffle_ "he's just so worried about me, especially since" _sniffle_ "I've been missing you…I'm sorry honey," she added, and she looked it. "We'll leave you now…"

"Oh mom!" I sighed, and pulled her into a hug. Over her shoulder I saw Edward back out of the room. He winked at me before he disappeared. "I'm sorry I've been acting so weird…I just…I was so surprised to see you here! And…I really am glad to see you," I whispered. Renee sighed.

"We didn't mean to surprise you, Bella," she told me, pulling back and looking at me, "I just…missed you, missed seeing you everyday…So I asked Phil to take me up here and try and convince you to come back. We knew you were having financial problems…All I wanted was to help…and now I see I've only caused you pain. I'll leave you alone, Bella, I promise, just – just don't let us stop being…us? I want to hear from you, talk to you every once in a while…Can I call you?" I looked into her eyes and I knew that that was all she needed. Renee didn't _need_ me anymore, but she still needed to have the option of needing me. I was, after all, the only child she had. I smiled at her, trying to get it to reach my eyes, but failing miserably.

"Of course, mom," I said, "I'll give you my number." And I did. Surprisingly I didn't feel bad doing it, because I knew that despite having all this freedom, it would feel nice to every once in a while feel around for a support that I could fall back on.

Renee left happily and I kissed her goodbye – Phil was already in the car and I was _not_ about to go out of my way to say bye to him. For some reason, though when he looked at me through the window he looked rather frightened, as if he'd just seen a…ghost.

"Edward!" I yelled, once the car had turned out of the driveway.

"No need to shout. I _am_ the only one here, you know," his velvety voice told me and once again, he was standing right behind me. I turned to glare at him.

"What did you do to Phil?!" I demanded. He just laughed.

"Edward!"

"Sorry, sorry, it's just…he got what was coming to him!" He told me between laughs. I continued to stare until his laughs had subsided and he stared back at me, his eyes glinting in an appealing way, though I tried to ignore that.

"Alright," he finally relented, "while you were upstairs with mommy dearest, I was downstairs making a little goodbye of my own." He smirked at me.

"What. Did. You. Do?!"

"I just gave him a little…push…That's all. Really," he grinned. I raised an eyebrow. "And I may have yelled a thing or two…He really did piss me off, Bella," Edward grumbled. "You don't have to take all the fun out of everything! Live a little! I just gave him a tiny scare to put him in his place! He didn't see me, only heard me, and I was very careful that I didn't give him a heart attack or send him into a panic attack! He'll live to darken doorsteps another day."

I sighed. "I'm not mad, Edward, and I'm not trying to take away you're fun." And then I grinned at him. He grinned back. "You are _so_ bad!" I giggled. Ah! Again with the giggling! Aye yay yay!

"You're really cute when you laugh, you know?" Edward whispered, his eyes getting serious. I stopped laughing and stared back.

"Boy," I whispered back, "You really know how to kill a mood." Cue the crooked grin, his specialty.

"Well, I can't help it, Swan. Sometimes you make me do crazy things that I wouldn't normally do…I've been alone for a long time. I'm not used to…talking," he admitted. I nodded.

"So what do you propose, then, Mr. Masen?" I asked. "Shall we take some time to get better acquainted?" He smiled softly.

"I think, Swan, that I would love to do that. And I'll do you one better – I know how we can solve your money problems." I stared at him…He said "we." Swoon. Gulp.

* * *

Playlist:

Same – Snow Patrol

I Don't Know If I'll Be Back This Time – Sea Wolf

Consolation Prizes – Phoenix

Bring On the Terror – Robbers On Highstreet

Spotlight – Mute Math

**Please review, I am always more encouraged to write faster if I know what you think! Cheers!**


	10. New Deep

**Okay, short chapter but mucha Edward/Bella interaction! Enjy.**

I was tired. Edward had talked my ear off ever since my parents had left. His idea had been that I should become a writer – something that definitely piqued my interest from the start – and that I could write down memoirs of his life, although they wouldn't really be memoirs to the public, since I was the one that would be published. He would relay to me the story of his life – a life that he had kept private prior to his death and after it as well. He was a complete mystery to anyone who had ever come across the name of Masen and so his story would be considered fabrication – from my own head. Which suited Edward fine, of course, and, because of all the mystery, it would become an instant hit in Forks, though I would have to get it published in a much more "civilized" area, such as Seattle.

I was ecstatic about the idea, for sure, but ever since agreeing, I couldn't keep Edward from containing his excitement at the idea of us working so closely together. I was surprised that he'd so willingly offer up the mystery of his life to me, and eventually the public, but every time I brought this particular up, he always shooed it away, saying that my money problems may lead me to having to give up his house which would mean him going back to a basically private life, which would then cause him extreme boredom after all the excitement my being there had caused. I chalked it up to him secretly wanting to help me because he liked me – but of course I was more privy to this childish fantasy because I fancied him liking me…Though this thought, of course, made the rational side of me shake its head in hopelessness – how could anyone fancy a ghost liking them? A silly notion.

Edward continued to talk through the details the entire time I cooked dinner for myself – since I knew that Alice would be dining out with Jasper. This fact automatically made Edward more talkative since he knew that he'd have me to himself all night – a fact that didn't distress me in the least anyhow. I was actually glad to have the evening to myself – and Edward, of course – but wished that Edward and I could talk about something other than his "awesome book idea."

Presently, Edward was trying to think up an exciting, catchy title that would hook readers across the country. I just nodded to whatever silly title he came up with.

"How about – Edward Masen: The World's Next Mozart," he proclaimed grandly, his eyes looking off into the distance. I rolled my eyes.

"More like, 'Edward Masen: The World's Next Peeves. What you don't know about the incessantly annoying poltergeist of Forks Washington'" I replied. Edward gave me a disgusted face.

"If I'm so annoying to you, Swan, why is it that you blush every time I look at you? Hmm?" At his words, my face instantly broke into an embarrassingly red flush, true to his words – and he wasn't even looking at me!

"Ah! There it is!" he cried triumphantly. Then, more quietly and in that voice that I had come to title his 'husky voice of seduction', "And you look lovely with it, I might add. If I do say so myself, Swan, that shade across your cheeks is delightful."

I glanced over at him – which of course was a mistake – and immediately turned a deeper read. He was closer than I'd thought, so I was in direct contact with his eyes. They were a deep sea green that I longed to drown myself in. He was looking at me with an unfathomably expression, but his face was serious. I tried to slow the quickening pace of my heart – but I failed miserably. After an entirely too long silent stare contest, I was the first to break away. I quickly took a much needed gulp of air and finished slicing the tomato that I needed for the pasta sauce.

"You know, you really shouldn't distract me like that," I mumbled. I saw him frown out of the corner of my eye. I still didn't want to look at him directly.

"Oh? And how do I distract you?" he questioned, his eyes peering at me intently. I gave him a cursory glance before scrunching up my mouth. I wish I hadn't said anything about it. Now I had given him a glimpse of exactly what I thought about him and it would only go to his head. Of course, I knew he would never let it go now, so I regretfully had to finish what I'd so unfortunately started.

"You dazzle me," I mumbled, even quieter than before and took the time to drop the chopped tomato pieces into a bowl before mashing them. I heard him chuckle and I refused to look, because I was sure he'd be doing that smirking thing again where his eyes sparkled with mirth and his mouth did that crooked grin thing…grrr.

"Dazzle you, do I Swan? Well, I'll just have to file away that _interesting_ little tidbit of information for further use…"

"Oh, can you _please_ just let it go? I told you not to do it," I whined, finishing the sauce with a bit of parsley sprinkled in. I turned to him and did my best to keep a stern face.

"Ooo, the look of severity. I tremble in your presence!" Edward mocked, fake-cowering at my feet on his knees. I just rolled my eyes and chose to ignore him. I opted instead to ladle myself a bowl of steaming pasta noodles and some homemade pasta sauce. I took the bowl into the living room and eased myself onto my comfy couch. Edward, unfortunately, followed, still smirking. Sighing, he sagged into the armchair that had been his back when he owned the house. He watched me eat for a while before I could tell the boredom set in.

"I'd like to take you up on your offer previously – about getting to know one another?" Edward stuttered, looking slightly uncomfortable. I almost laughed – I'd never seem him so out of his comfort zone.

I thought for a moment – but really it was just to make him sweat. I really did want to get to know him, and I wouldn't mind letting him know more about myself. Of course, he already knew more about me than I knew about him, what with my family traipsing all over my house and Alice living here…

"Alright, but on one condition," I added, holding a finger up. Edward raised an eyebrow.

"What condition, Swan?"

"That you tell me your story first. You already know more of mine," I replied. Edward frowned and looked as if he were going through an inner battle for a moment before he sighed and his shoulders relaxed. He gave me a small smile.

"Alright, fine. I accept your condition."

"Oh! And another!" I interrupted quickly, an idea forming in my head.

"_Yes_?" he sighed, a bit exasperatedly.

"Can we wait until Alice comes home and I get ready for bed? I'd rather have this conversation in my room," I explained, hoping that he'd go along with it.

"Why?"

"Because…because it seems more right," I tried to explain, although I couldn't really explain why I felt that way about it. I just got this feeling that it would be better to hear Edward tell his story in a place that was comfortable for both of us, although he did die in that room…

"More right?" Edward repeated, frowning. Then he sighed. "Fine, Swan, however you want it…"

I smiled widely. "Yay!" I clapped my hands. I saw him roll his eyes.

"Don't think that you're going to be able to always get your way in the future, though," Edward grumbled, then I heard him mumble under his breath, "Don't know _why_ I always give in to this woman…" I tried to control my face so that he wouldn't know I'd heard.

"Good. Well then, I'll see you later tonight?" I added, as a clarifier. Edward quirked his eyebrow again.

"Oh, trying to get rid of me are you, Swan?" He looked partially amused, partially sad at the possibility of me trying to get rid of him.

"No," I replied testily, "I was just – fine, stay I don't care…But stop staring at me," I grumbled. Edward shook in silent laughter. I just focused on finishing my pasta and hoping that my blush would die down soon enough. Part of me was hoping that we'd have the light off when we were up in my room for story time – that way if he said anything else that could possibly cause me to blush, he wouldn't see it and be able to make a snide comment about it.

Edward watched me eat and stayed with me all the way until Alice showed up. He disappeared then, but not before winking at me and mouthing, "See you later tonight," and smirking. I was really looking forward to tonight.

* * *

Playlist:

Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand

New Deep - John Mayer

Carousel - Iron & Wine

Yes - Coldplay

July, July! - The Decemberists

**

* * *

**

Alright, a bit of a cliffhanger, but you'll survive another couple days until I can get the next chapter posted. Edward's story is going to be awesome! Please review, and Cheers!


	11. Are You Receiving Me

**Hello, again. I worked as fast as I could to get this chapter up because I know ou all are curious as to what happened in Edward's past. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Leave me a review at the end!**

* * *

"How much do you know about me?" I thought about what I might say to answer that question – the truth? It was dark and Edward and I were sitting on my bed – him across from me at the end, stiff and cross-legged, eyeing me suspiciously. Even in the dark his green eyes blazed with a fierceness that was uniquely his. I thought back to earlier that night.

After Alice had come home and we'd had a short talk, she went off to bed, leaving me alone…Well, not for long, since I had a long talk with Edward to look forward to. I cleaned up the kitchen and straightened out the living room – but there was only so much I could do to try and dampen my curiosity and eventually it got the better of me. I was going to be one dead cat, but I didn't care.

Walking up the stairs, not running, I came slowly to the hall and headed for my bedroom. Peering in, I had noticed that he wasn't there yet. Sighing, I got ready for bed. In my pajama bottoms and an old cotton tank top, I'd waited for over an hour. At eleven, I decided to just call it quits and go to sleep – he'd obviously chickened out. As soon as I had turned off the light, however, and pulled the covers up, his velvet voice ghosted across my room.

"I haven't forgotten, you know." Jumping and gasping loudly, I'd snapped my head in his direction to find him leaning awkwardly against my doorframe. As always, he loved the perfect timing entrance. I rolled my eyes before throwing off the covers and motioning for him to come in. He did, and sat in the place where he was now.

"The first day you appeared to me, I went out and asked people about you…I only got a few answers," I admitted, back in the present. Edward nodded curtly, waiting for me to continue.

"And they only told me that you were a loner, you were eighteen when you came here, a doctor, no one ever visited you, and you died when you were 23. And I was wondering about that, actually – how can you possibly have been a doctor when you were so young? You were a doctor at the age of eighteen! People graduate high school at eighteen!" Edward was grinning by the time I finished my rand. His white teeth glinted in the dark and I was strangely reminded of a smiling vampire about to attack its prey.

"Yes, well, I was a very bright boy, Bella," he purred and I rolled my eyes, hiding the fact that my name rolling off his tongue like that turned me on – disturbing.

"Yes, well, you must have been pretty darn smart if you were a doctor that young," I grumbled.

"Oh yes," Edward agreed, still smiling. "I was a regular Doogie Howser. And my parents were _so proud_." This last part he practically snarled. He was smiling still, but his eyes turned hard and he looked down right murderous. I cowered slightly at that look.

"What – "

"Bella, if I'm going to tell you the story of my life, I need you to promise me that you won't say anything until the end – okay?" His eyes pierced through me and I could only nod numbly.

"Well, then," he continued, his voice deep, his eyes wandering over to the window, "I was a very bright child from the start – my parents recognized that immediately. My dad was a doctor, so he naturally wanted me to follow his footsteps. They were reach, my parents, and they gave me whatever I wanted, spoiled me on excess and money…" Edward scoffed, his eyes darkening to the point of being black pitch. "I never really questioned it. I did as I was told, because that always got me what I wanted in the end. My parents got me the best tutors – that's right, tutors. I never actually went to a real school, except for med school.

"I skipped grades, a bunch of them. I was doing calculus when I was ten and studying for my medical degree when I was fifteen. I was a doctor, working along side my father when I was seventeen. Things were – were great. My life was a masterpiece. I was young, successful, completely and thoroughly spoiled. And I had my dear old mom and dad to thank for it. I was _their_ masterpiece, and proud of it…Until one day.

"It was my eighteenth birthday when my mother got sick. So sick. She had a brain tumor and it was malignant and inoperable. I wanted to help her, do everything I could…but there really was nothing. She died within a month of being diagnosed…

"I thought that things would be okay…but…The thing was, I never really saw my parents for what they truly were until one of them was gone. I never could step back and see what a _mess_ my life was until I saw just how the death of my mother affected my father. And that was just the thing – it _didn't_ affect him. It didn't even phase him! He just went on like life was normal and nothing happened! I was – shocked, horrified, angry! How could my own father care nothing for my mother?!

"My work began to suffer because all I could think about was how ridiculously naïve I had been. I had ignored all the signs of the relationship between my parents. They were like – like _robots!_ They didn't care for each other, heck, they never really loved me! They were just two people with money and a mission. I was their little project. All of my successes, all of my talent – it was just a part of their experiment, their achievement. I was the prize of their life and they loved the fame and fortune that came along with it. _That_ was what they loved.

"I confronted my father and he admitted that he didn't really love my mother – he admitted to everything. Admitted to controlling my life so that he could garner from my success, could brag to all his friends about how smart I was, about all of my achievements. I realized, then, that up to this point, all of my achievements weren't really my own. My life wasn't my own. So I ran away.

"I ran as far as I could go and all I took with me was my savings and my trust fund. My father never felt like setting an age requirement on it because, hell, he never thought I'd disobey him. He thought I was his puppet. Well, I took all that I could. I emptied my bank accounts and I packed up all of the things I cared about and went in search of a new life. I found Forks and it was perfect. I built the house you see now. I spent all of my money on making the perfect sanctuary for myself, a place to hide.

"Then I focused on my music. I never did tell you, but along with my many scholastic achievements I was a premier musician. That was a little hobby my parents _allowed_ me to have for a while before they budged it out of my life. I was good, no, I was _excellent_, but music was never something my parents saw as necessary in my rise to the top. I gave it up willingly then because I thought they knew best. But here…Here it was different. Music was like a second sanctuary from the life that I was trying to hide from. I bought a piano – the best that money can buy, and I wrote everything that I felt in music.

"That room that you found…It hurt when I found you there because that room is like a part of myself…something dark, beautiful, emotional – I couldn't let you in there because I couldn't let you be a part of that…I keep all of my old life in there, the music of my life before I became free…And then, well, I died before I ever got the chance to resolve things myself…Hell, I didn't see it coming!...But I'm…I'm dealing with it."

There was a long period of silence in which I just let Edward's words, his story, his emotions sink into me…I felt his pain, but I could never understand it completely. It was his and his alone and I could now respect him much better than before. I could begin to see why he was so sheltered, so angry all the time…

"Well, are you going to say anything dang it or are you just going to sit there!" he hissed, his eyes focusing on me again. I shifted uncomfortably under his hard gaze and a traitor tear slipped down my cheek. He caught sight of it immediately and his eyes softened. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

"It's okay," I whispered, wiping it away. "I just…I'm sorry too. I – I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed by it all…And deeply sorry that you had to go through that…And glad that now I can understand you better."

Edward smiled slightly, but the look of pain was still in his eyes. "You sure are taking it pretty well, I must admit," he mumbled. I grimaced.

"Just because I'm okay with you doesn't mean I'm okay with your parents…I'm really sorry, Edward – you shouldn't have had to grow up like that…And you never got a chance to live a life you wanted…" I trailed off, thinking about Edward, all alone in this house, trying to change things for himself and then winding up dead…

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me," Edward hissed, but I just looked him in the eye and gave him the sternest look I could.

"I don't feel sorry for you, Masen, I feel angry – I'm angry that you never got the chance to turn things around and I'm angry that your parents put you in that situation. I just wish I could give them a piece of my mind," I grumbled to myself. I heard Edward chuckle and I glanced up at him. Mirth had replaced the pain in his beautiful eyes.

"I'd have liked to see that!" he all but giggled giddily, rolling onto his side. I reached behind me for my pillow and smacked him in the face.

"Hey Swan! Watch it, I'm a ghost remember!"

"Oh, right! And that's supposed to make me feel sorry for you, right? Well, I don't think ghosts usually get smacked by pillows – it's your own fault your solid!" I smacked him again, but this time he grabbed the pillow from me. He yanked it easily from my hands.

"Well, you're the only one who's ever tried, but looks like I'll get my revenge yet!" And he smacked me in the head, sending me flying onto my side. What ensued was, well, a childish fight with pillows. Edward and I whacked each other until we couldn't breath from laughing so hard – it was a miracle that Alice didn't hear us –

"Alright!" I gasped, clutching my side, "You win, you win!" Edward smirked down at me from his end of the bed.

"Of course I do, I always get my man."

"Woman," I mumbled, straightening my hair, which had been severely rumbled from our fight.

"Right, right…woman. And you are surly one of the most womanly women I have come across…" he whispered, almost to himself.

"Oh, and what's _that_ supposed to mean?" I shot at him, my eyes narrowing.

"Oh, well, just that you are so shapely that you could never, ever pass for a man…" I saw his eyes zeroing in on my hips and I shifted uncomfortably…my cheeks flushing and Goosebumps rising across my skin.

"You're such are pig, sometimes," I replied, pulling the covers up over my body. As much as I may have been uncomfortable with his gaze, however, there was a part of me that liked the face that he was checking me out…And I almost wished that we could touch…

"Yeah, yeah, Swan, but I _know_ you like it," he mocked, before standing up. "We start work tomorrow," he added.

"I have to work at the book shop!" I called after him as he made his way out.

"When you get home, then," he amended, shooting me one last grin before disappearing into the shadows.

I huffed and flung myself back onto my pillow, my thoughts circling around Edward's past, Edward's voice, Edward's pain…It was a wonder I ever managed to get some sleep that night.

* * *

**Playlist:**

Angry People – Barenaked Ladies Don't Cry – The Black Ghosts Someday You Will Be Loved – Death Cab For Cutie Are You Receiving Me – Golden Earring A Soldier's Tale – The Good, The Bad, & The Queen

* * *

**Well, I hope you all enjoyed that. Edward finally spills about his childhood...poor guy. Hopefully my next chapter will be posted soon. Review please! Cheers!**


	12. Heart

**Yay, update! Be glad, because this one is awesome! And I'm not just saying that. There is some serious E/B action, relationship advancement. Read and enjoy!**

Work at the little book shop, I learned, was very slow, no matter how many customers appeared during the day. While Charlie did his best to keep me busy, it seemed that in a small town like Forks, there was not much that one needed to do to keep up an independent book store. Most of the time, Charlie, bless his heart, allowed me to browse and read. I spent all of the day in a state of relax, mentally preparing myself for whatever Edward had planned in terms of his life's story dictation. I was looking forward to it, yet apprehensive at the same time.

Alice, bless her heart as well, had informed me early in the morning, that she and Jasper had decided that she would move in with him. The conversation went like this:

"I'm moving in with Jasper, I'll have all my stuff packed and out of your way by the time you get off work."

"Ummmm…what?"

"Good, I'm glad that you agree." End of conversation. I had still been in bed when she'd stormed into the room and roused me unceremoniously by ripping the pillow out from under my head. When she left, she threw the pillow back at me and ended up smacking me in the face. This action, of course, was reminiscent of last night's pillow fight with Edward. I groggily followed Alice into the kitchen and attempted to continue the conversation, but she skillfully avoided all of my questions about Jasper and how she had come to decide to move in with a man she had only known for 48 hours.

Part of me was happy for Alice, that she had found someone who she so obviously got along with and who could stand her. Part of me was worried that if this didn't pan out as Alice seemed to think it would and she would end up hurt. Part of me was smart enough to say don't bet against Alice because she always seemed to turn out right. That part of my brain insisted that I be happy because now I'd finally have the house all to myself…and Edward. Ah, Edward – my enigma, my mystery.

So now I found myself heading home…to Edward. I knew that once I got there, he'd be on me about writing the book. I was looking forward to it now, after a long day of nothing.

The door, unfortunately, creaked as I opened it, dashing my hopes at sneaking in without alerting Edward. For once, I'd like to have been the one to surprise him, not the other way around.

"I was expecting you – you're rather earlier than I expected, but, that just gives us more time."

"Blast you, Edward!" I shouted, clutching my chest. "Can't you ever refrain from sneaking up on me?!" Edward smirked at me and stepped away from the door, where he had obviously been lurking for quite some time.

"As you wish, Swan, but now – to work!"

And that is exactly what we did. Edward's life was, to say the least, fascinating. He dictated and I wrote – stories beginning from his childhood, into the teen years – which was where we were now and it was proving…a bit tricky.

"Now…when you say you 'hooked up' with her...you mean…_you had sex_ right?" I mumbled, my fingers curled hesitantly over the keyboard of my laptop. I shot a glance at Edward, who was propped up along the wall of the niche in our bedroom, his legs stretched across the window seat. He looked back at me smugly, though there was a slight tinge to his cheeks that looked like a bit of a blush.

"_Yes_, dear, prudish Swan, I mean I had sex with her," he replied, his voice holding a bit of an edge to it. I felt my own face flush with color at the thought of him and this…leggy blonde.

"Well, is there any way that I might put that a bit…nicer? 'Hooked up' sounds so…vulgar…" I trailed off, refusing to look at him.

"Absolutely not, Swan," Edward growled, standing up and pacing about the room. "I meant what I said and there is no 'nicer' way to put it. We hooked up and that is the direct meaning and connotation that I want. I'll not compromise to your straitlaced, round-about, beat-about-the-bush approach to it. This book is going to be raunchy in all the right places, it's going to have edge, violence where there is violence, and sex appeal. That is my life and I'll not edit it," he ranted, his voice hard. I looked at him and rolled my eyes.

"Yes, that's all fine and good…but _I'm_ the one publishing it…People are going to think _I'm_ vulgar and…and violent…and entirely too interested in sex when I'm…fairly single," I growled, giving him my best stare-down. He looked back at me with fierce eyes.

"_Fairly single_? What is that? A polite way of saying you haven't had sex in years?" Edward barked. I felt my face blaze with a new blush.

"Well…No, I mean to say – Oh dang it, fine! Fine I'm writing 'hooked up'! Now let's please move on!" Edward didn't say anything, but I waited as I assumed he was composing the next part of the story of this…night out with the blonde. However, the long pause became more and more pregnant – and I finally looked up to see Edward appraising me with curious eyes.

"What!?" I demanded, defensively. Edward took a step closer and his lips parted.

"I'm trying to picture you as a young girl…What exactly did you do when you were, oh, sixteen? Hmmm? I bet you wore your hair in braids…played hard to get…and didn't snog a single man until you were married," he declared. I felt my face grow an even deeper shade of red.

"Hey! I wasn't nearly so…so…"

"Innocent?" Edward supplied, giving me a small smile.

"Yes! I went out with _plenty_ of guys, I'll have you know. And I kissed lots of them. I even gave some of them hickeys – I certainly _wasn't_ a tease…But I did wear my hair in braids often," I relented, standing up and going to look out the window.

"I'll bet you looked pretty, but I must say, I much prefer your hair down," Edward whispered, coming to stand behind me. I turned, not realizing he was nearly so close and we were practically face to face. I stared up into his eyes for a moment…getting lost, unfortunately. He stared back, with such an intensity that I felt such a strange sensation swoop through me…one of lightheadedness and freedom…

"You are really rather beautiful with your hair down," Edward sighed.

"Thank you," I whispered back, trying to keep down the blush that was again spreading through my cheeks.

"And I adore your blush," he added, reaching his hand up. My breath caught in my throat – I thought he was about to touch me – but at the sound he froze, his hand hanging in mid-air for a moment, before he dropped it, cleared his throat, and looked away, before moving to stand a bit further.

"Come, let us continue," he prompted. And so it went for hours…We ended up working until the middle of the night, until I could barely keep my eyes open. We had gotten through several chapters and Edward was very please. He continued his praises and exclamations of his excitement all throughout my preparation for bed. Even as I settled down and turned off the lights, he was still in the room, his eyes alight, smiling like an idiot.

"Edward," I finally sighed.

"Yes, Swan?"

"Get out of my room." I didn't even have the strength to put in an insult or threat, I was so tired. The last thing I heard was his light chuckle and the sound bounced around my head before I fell into unconsciousness.

____________________

The week went by the same, with me setting off to work, spending a quiet day in the bookstore before returning home – to Edward, and to work. And the time flew by amazingly. Every day passed with me learning more and more about Edward – and subsequently, him learning more about me, at his insistence, and generally my reluctance – for he was absurdly interested in learning about my married life to Mike Newton, which I _did not_ want to share with him.

And, without either of us becoming aware of it until it was too late, it seemed that we'd grown so close that we pushed passed the boundaries of friends. We were now…hanging in limbo, with our emotions spilled around us and with know idea how to move forward, or even if we should.

I knew what I felt…that Edward was something that I would never grow old of, that I'd want to stay with him for the rest of my life – I was falling for him, in a bad way, something that was so entirely different from when I'd been with Mike. And I believed that because of this new, foreign feeling, that was the reason why I was finding it so difficult to let it go. I _wanted_ to feel this, with Edward, despite how messed up it was that he was a ghost. A _ghost_! I've fallen for a ghost! And so part of my body was rebelling, telling me to get out now, but the less reasonable, extremely carefree side to it to shut the hell up!

I had no idea how Edward felt about all this. He'd come increasingly close to touching me several times more as the week progressed. Each time, he'd some how come to his senses and quickly aborted the mission, leaving me breathless and hopelessly sad. From his actions, therefore, I drew that he was somewhere in the same camp as me – physically and partially mentally desiring a move forward in our relationship, but entirely to cautious and wary of the fact that we were unconventional – him being dead.

So by Friday night, both of us had been extremely awkward with each other, unwilling to go near touching the giant elephant in the room, but unable to draw away because somehow, despite him being dead and ma alive, both of us were unbelievably drawn to each other. Going to sleep that night, I thought only about how I longed to be with Edward, longed to touch him – and in my dream I did – and it was wonderful, heartbreaking, and right.

____________________

The next thing I remembered was waking up slowly to the sound of music spilling softly into my room. Pushing aside how tired I felt, I stumbled out of bed, glancing briefly at the clock – 6:00 a.m., good grief! – and following the music into the hall. It seemed to be coming from the secret stairway down to Edward's music room.

At the sliding panel, I hesitated, wondering whether or not to disturb Edward while he played. I had never been around to hear him play – though I'm sure he did while I was gone at work. I found myself itching to go down, though, curiosity burning in my stomach. I wanted to see him play, to see him in his element, doing something that was so special to him…It would be seeing him in a whole new light, and I _longed_ for that.

Deciding to satisfy my curiosity, despite the possible wrath it might incur from Edward, I slid open the panel. Quietly as I could, I went down the stairs. When I came in sight of Edward, there at his piano, I felt my breath catch in my throat.

He was beautiful, graceful, peaceful…His fingers flew across the keys, the motion effortless. I looked at his face – such aching beauty that it made my heart reach out to him and my stomach clench…I'd only seen him look like that a few times since I met him…and all those times had been when he didn't think I was looking at him, while he was looking at me. It was now that I understood what those looks meant – the _sheer and utter love_ that was in them. I felt totally and utterly inferior to his love…

The song ended and I had tears streaming down my face. I didn't even realize that Edward had noticed I was there until he spoke.

"Come here, Bella." I came closer to where he was sitting, trying to get rid of my tears so he wouldn't see them. He patted the bench space next to him and I sat down heavily, not looking at him. I closed my eyes, simply trying to get a hold on my breathing. And then I felt it –

Cold, ghostly, insubstantial – all these things I was afraid of – but it wasn't like that, it wasn't like that at all.

Warm, gently, tingling – a spark that set my skin alight – His hand was in mine and I felt my body react to all these things that my head had been thinking over – He was holding my _hand_ – And I thought I could die right there and be happy.

"Bella?"

I opened my eyes to find his.

"I didn't think it would be like this." He smiled, before leaning forward.

"Are – are you doing what I think you're doing?" I asked, my voice cracking, my heart pounding in my chest. He stopped for a moment, flashing be a crooked grin.

"Are you afraid?"

"No," I told him honestly, scooting closer and clutching onto his hand. I used my other to weave through the bronze locks on the nape of his neck – silky smooth – "But I was afraid you would want to do something else…Like leave." He laughed – it sounded like bells – he was beautiful –

"Don't move, alright," he chided. I would have replied, smarmily, but then he was pressing his lips to mine. No words.

* * *

**Playlist:**

Sugar Never Tasted So Good - The White Stripes The Ghost of You Lingers - Spoon Transatlanticism - Death Cab For Cutie Bella's Lullaby - Carter Burwell A Comet Appears - The Shins Heart - The Pet Shop Boys

* * *

**Well, I really hope you guys liked it. I'm getting to a really sticky place, now, what with Edward and Bella finally taking a step...And I'm apologizing in advace for the storm that's about to arise, but have no fear, this is an E/B story afterall. Please review, it gives me motivation! Cheers!**


	13. Twilight Omens

**Sorry for the long wait guys, but it's slow going sometimes. Oh, and you can check out the banner that I made for GHOST on my profile. Thanks.**

* * *

Kissing Edward Masen was like nothing I had ever experienced. I think the moment his lips touched mine, I felt…completion. Like every time with Mike was a pleasant experience, but unfulfilling, unwholesome. Now I knew what it really felt like to taste love on someone's lips, to have that smooth and gentle feel of another's skin against yours in the most perfect way. Edward made me feel whole.

And sitting there, on that piano bench, kissing Edward, was all I got of my taste of Heaven. For once our lips had touched, mine parting in surprise and happiness, my breath swirling out against him, Edward pulled back, his eyes wide and his face frozen.

"Wh-what's wrong?" I asked, startled at his sudden shock. He opened and closed his mouth, words failing him, before he shot up from the bench and ran through the nearest wall, disappearing from my sight.

I sat there, gaping at the place where he had once been, unable to move, think, do anything. I don't know how long I sat there, but it was long enough that when I finally emerged, I had fifteen voice messages on my phone and the sun had set. I moved about numbly from room to room, unsure of how to proceed, what to do. My mind was still reeling with thoughts of Edward, his lips, his shock. As much as I would have loved to sink down onto the couch and relive that short, perfect moment, I couldn't. Something held me back – that shock on his face kept evading my mind, ruining the memory.

_Was I bad?_ I thought to myself. _Was it not good for him? _But somehow I couldn't believe that, because it couldn't have been one-sided, this feeling I had surrounding my entire body when his lips had met mind. No, there was something wrong with Edward and it seemed to have scared him away. I had looked all over the house for him, but he did not appear and I had the strangest feeling that he was hiding from me. Why, I couldn't possibly comprehend, but it was a certainty. For Edward had been so stable in my life this past week and even the week before. He was always a present being while I worked and moved about the house, filling it where I wasn't.

But now, for the first time since I moved there, the house seemed empty. Even with all of my things, my possessions and belongs, and myself, the house was creaky, lonely, and utterly empty with no Edward to fill it up. It made me intensely worried that Edward had quitted it forever – and that thought, though saddening me deeply, made me utterly mad.

How could Edward leave like that! Without telling me what was wrong, what he was feeling, what scared him so much! I was angry that he just left me like that, after the most beautiful, heavenly experience in my life, to wander alone through an empty house.

The anger was what finally freed me to listen to my missed calls – all from Alice about having dinner that night – and to frustratingly begin making dinner, Alice's invitation already too late to respond to, and to throw myself, fully clothed, in bed, exhausted and depressingly unhappy.

I had thought sleep would be completely out of reach that night, seeing as how my mind couldn't shut out all these thoughts about what had happened that day – the kiss, Edward, Edward leaving, the kiss, Edward….But, it seemed, sleep was inescapable and I feel into it so quickly that I hadn't time to realize just how tired I actually was…

My dreams that night were nightmares. My mind just couldn't get over that image – Edward's face as he pulled back from me – sheer and utter shock, terror, pain. It was like a knife to my heart as I watched, over and over again, Edward shooting up and leaving me. This sense of loss was deafening, and I woke up screaming out his name, my hands clutching thin air.

Immediately my eyes searched the room for signs that Edward was back, that he had returned to me, but as soon as I could get a sense of my surroundings, that emptiness returned and I knew that Edward was not near.

Sighing, I got myself up and moved about the room aimlessly. It was the weekend, so Charlie had given it to me, since he always managed the bookshop on Saturdays well enough and it was closed Sunday. I thought absentmindedly about making breakfast, but somehow I wasn't up to it. My thoughts, my whole body seemed to be preoccupied with the thoughts of Edward.

Thinking of Edward inevitably led me to the secret stairwell that led to his music room. If he were to go anywhere, it would be there. Unconsciously, I made my way down the creaky stairs, my footsteps muffled by the dust. When I reached the bottom, my eyes searched quickly, but, with a disappointed whimper, I came upon an empty room. My eyes focused intensely on the wooden, ornate bench that I had been seated on only the day before, experiencing the most wonderful moment of my life. I touched my lips absentmindedly with my fingers, imagining Edward's surprisingly warm lips.

Softly making my way over to the piano, I stared down at the bench. Tentatively I ran a few fingers over the keys, wondering if I played them a bit I just might scare Edward out of hiding. With conviction, then, I let my fingers sink down on the keys, listening to the dissonant sounds they produced.

"I remember telling you not to do that."

I sighed in relief, ignoring the irritation I heard in his words. Turning, Edward finally came into view, standing just in front of the doorway.

"Edward," I sighed, making my way to him. He didn't move, but he didn't refuse me either as I tentatively wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt him shiver slightly at my touch. We were close again and I looked up into his face, mere inches from mine. His eyes looked pained, his mouth a thin line.

"Bella," he began, but I reached up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his. I couldn't help myself – I needed it. Now that my body knew what it felt like to kiss Edward Masen, I wanted to feel it all the time. Edward remained motionless under me for a moment, but as soon as I licked his bottom lip, he opened his mouth to me. I felt his hands, warm and welcoming, wrap around my hips, pulling me to him. He moaned softly, tilting his head to get better access. I didn't care that I couldn't breathe, I needed him – all of him. But, after only a moment's time, Edward wrenched himself from my grasp.

"No, Bella," he gasped, putting several feet between us. His eyes again held that pained look and he panted, though he didn't need breath.

"W-what, Edward? What's wrong?" I whispered, taking a step towards him.

"We can't do this," Edward spoke firmly, but I saw his hands shake at the words.

"Why? I – I thought you lo –"

"Don't, Bella!" Edward interrupted. He took a step back from me and began pacing. I simply stood there and watched as he attempted to form words.

"The book, it's done," he stated. I felt myself nod. He still paced. "And now that it's done, you'll need to turn it in to a publisher. You can probably find a good one in Seattle, that would be best."

"Edward, I don't understand…" I trailed off as he stopped and looked at me. I believed that if he could cry, he would be. His eyes looked so sorrowful, so sad. Until, that is, he masked himself, hardening his face. I had never seen Edward look that way, but as soon as he did, I knew, almost with certainty, where this was going.

"I'm a ghost, Bella, not a man of flesh and blood."

"I know," I pleaded, trying to show my understanding. "I don't care, though, you're wonderful."

"Whatever may be that case, we cannot pretend, Bella – _I_ cannot pretend that this will work." He gestured between the two of us. I tried to speak up but he pushed on. "Bella, no matter what we feel for each other, can you honestly think that it will change our situation? It can't. No matter what, at the end of the day I'll still be dead and you'll still be here, living and breathing and growing old with each day.

"You are _young_, Bella. And I know you are a widow, but you have a whole _life_ ahead of you. You cannot delude yourself or let _me_ delude you into thinking you could be content spending the rest of your days coming home and playing housewife with a living dead man! I will not damn you to that."

"No, Edward, this isn't –"

"Please, Bella, let me finish. I know what we mean to each other, but…You had a husband before. He must have meant something to you because you wouldn't waste time with someone you didn't love like that. But that gives me hope, you see. All this, all that's happening between us can be stopped and you would still go on, perfectly fine. You may miss me at first, but…There are others out there, Bella. Others who can make you happy, marry you, warm your bed, give you children, who can grow old with you…That's what you need Bella. And in time, you'll be able to forget all about me. Honestly. You don't need me to make you happy. You need a living being."

"No, Edward," I sobbed, grabbing my hair, "No, no, noooo!"

"Forget about me, Bella. I'll disappear, you won't have to see me anymore and I won't bother you. Get the book published, tend the bookshop, fall in love. You deserve it. You deserve happiness." His face, though still masked, showed compassion, but I hated it. I hated all that he was saying – even if a reality-based part of my mind agreed with his words, told me that he was right, I couldn't make a life with a dead man – but I wanted to scream, to yell at him that I _loved_ him, wanted _him_ and no other!

"Goodbye, Bella, take care of the house…and take care of yourself." I screamed and ran to him, my arms stretching out to clutch at him, but my fingers closed around only air as he faded into nothingness.

I sank to the floor, my arms stretched out, still groping as I sobbed. I sobbed until I had no tears left and until I was too exhausted to breathe. I dragged myself up to my room and sank onto my bed, falling immediately into sleep.

When I awoke, it was nearly noon. Sunlight was streaming into the room, cheerily and brightly, but it made me, in my depressed state, want to puke. I thought of what Edward said and tears immediately sprung to my eyes. I choked back a sob and buried my face back into my pillow. And that was how I was when Alice found me.

* * *

Playlist:

I Want You All the Time - Oh No Oh My

Ageless Beauty - Stars

Thunder - The Runaways

Broken Heart - Motion City Soundtrack

It's Your Touch - The Black Ghosts

Twilight Omens - Franz Ferdinand


	14. From Black to Blue

"Oh Bella!" she cried, bursting into my room. "Sweetheart, what's the matter?!" I felt her pull me into a sitting position, placing my head on her shoulder and her arms wrapping themselves around me. She rocked me gently. "Bella, it's going to be alright, sweetie, you just go ahead and cry, let it all out."

And I did. I gasped and spluttered. I let my nose run and my cheeks stain with tears while Alice held me. I knew we were there for hours, as long as it took to let the tears run dry. I knew that, after this, I could never doubt Alice's loyalty to me as a friend or her kindness and love for me.

Once I had stopped crying, Alice helped me up.

"Let's take you downstairs, get you something to eat, maybe a little ice cream, perhaps? Then, if you feel better, you can talk to me. You know that right, Bella? You can tell me anything?"

"Yes, Alice," I mumbled, thought I knew I had to find some way out of telling her about this. I wouldn't – couldn't tell her about Edward. Not only would she think I was crazy, but she would think I even more insane for falling in love with a ghost…a ghost who broke my heart.

Alice supported me as we took the stairs one at a time. She left me on the couch, a worthless heap, as she busied herself around the kitchen. After a few minutes, the aroma of cooking food reached my nostrils, bringing some of myself back to me. Food always enlivened my soul…but it couldn't fill the gap that _he_ had left.

She came back, a while later, with a bowl of steaming soup. I inhaled the warmth of the scent and took the bowl from her with shaking hands. Alice let me hold it, but she kept her hands on mine, steadying them and watched while I spooned bits of soup into my dry, dry mouth. It was a wonderful feeling, being filled with warmth, love from my best friend…but, somehow, it didn't reach all of me. I still felt like I had a gaping hole in my chest, a painful throbbing that radiated from my heart outwards.

I ate every drop of that soup and let Alice take the bowl away from me. She placed it on the coffee table then grabbed a pint of Ben & Jerry's and handed it to me along with a spoon. I took it gladly and ate a few bites. Alice rubbed my feet.

"Do you want to talk about it, Bella?" Alice asked timidly. I blinked a couple of times, opened my mouth, but my lips seemed to stick together and my throat could only gargle a couple of unrecognizable sounds. Alice patted my knee.

"That's alright, Bella. I think I understand. I know that it's been a little over a year now, but I'm sure it still hurts…losing Mike."

I'm sure that I gasped, but Alice didn't notice and I decided to remain silent. While I had been wracking my brains for what to tell her, I hadn't come up with anything. And now Alice had provided an answer. She thought I was still hung up on Mike. Plain old Mike. Mike who I thought I had been in love with – until I met Edward and I felt true love.

"I know how much you loved Mike, how much you cared about him…I'm starting to understand it better, now that I have Jasper…Oh, Bella! I feel so silly with how I've acted! Here I came, out to live with you, help you now that you're all on your own and then I go and find myself a date and then I move in with him and I flaunt it all over in front of you and all this time you've been silently suffering! Bella, I'm so sorry!" Alice cried and my heart, if possible, felt even worse. I quickly too her hand in mine and pressed it to my cheek.

"Alice, please, it's all right," I rasped, my voice raw from all the crying. "You didn't flaunt anything. You met someone, someone you connected with and I'm very, very happy for you, how could I not?" She smiled weakly. "I just…lately I've been feeling…a bit lonely." I tried to sound like I meant it. If Alice could believe that it was just loneliness, just pining after my poor dead husband, then we could both move on…Well, she could move on and I could….just pretend like I had. I knew deep down that there wouldn't be any possible way for me to move on.

"I understand, Bella…And you know what I think? I think you should go out, meet someone. It will do you good." Her smile seemed to brighten at the idea, but I blanched. No way. I couldn't. It wouldn't be possible! I felt so terrible, like I was losing a part of myself, like air was scarce. How could I, a barely whole person, go out with someone? Someone I knew would be nothing compared with Edward? It just wouldn't be possible.

"I know what you're thinking, Bella. But it's possible. You know, there are hundreds of men out there, good, kind men who would fall in love with you after the first date. I know you, Bella, you're a wonderful person and trust me, you can find love again. There is always love." Alice smiled so happily at the idea that I couldn't fight with her about it. It was as if she and Edward had one mind made up about me – that I needed a man to make me happy, to rid me of my loneliness. Well, why was everyone so sure about that fact? Why was Edward so sure that I could find true happiness with another man? There was no way. He was wrong. Alice was wrong.

"Alice, before you go setting me up," I whispered, trying to save my voice, "I have a few things I need to take care of. I've written a novel –"

"What!? You've written a novel! Bella that's wonderful! I'm so proud of you!"

"Thank you, Alice. I-I worked hard on it and I think I'm ready to publish – so I think I'm going to head out to Seattle next weekend. I've got a bit of tweaking and stuff to do before it's really ready –"

"Oh, Bella you have to let me see it!" Alice gushed. I think that she was trying harder than she needed to get my mind off of the problem at hand, i.e. "Mike, my dead husband." I was just relieved that she was finally backing off that subject – it was too painful for even me to think about and now, finally having something to focus on, things would be better. Although, thinking of the novel inevitably made me think of _him_, but that was something that I would have to learn to cope with. I was living in _his_ house after all – and I still had that dang picture of him up in my room, only reminding me of just how beautiful and perfect he was – gosh, I sounded like a mooning idiot. Probably one of the reasons he decided to disappear – so he wouldn't have to deal with my stupid self all the time. I almost didn't blame him. Almost.

"I can't let you see it, Alice, because it's, well, it's private. You can see it later, after I've got it published and I'm not so shy about it." What I really meant was, "After I'm done pining over the guy I wrote about it, you'd 've loved him, except for the part where he's a ghost and he doesn't ever want to speak to me again." I nearly cried at that thought.

"Fine, fine, Bella. But in the mean time, I think you should hang out with me and Jasper more. He's got some really wonderful friends that I think you'd love to meet and that way we can all keep you company. You don't have to be alone, Bella. I'm here for you. Always." She squeezed our clasped hands and I squeezed back, to let her know that I knew she was there for me.

I let her spend the night there, in the house, because I couldn't give her a good enough impression that I was alright. She was so worried she had me on my toes. I was going to have to start acting better or she'd never leave. As much as I loved her as a friend, I knew that I needed to be alone more. That way I could deal with this problem, the break-up that she knew nothing about. It was hard enough already, pretending I was moping about Mike. I was just surprised she hadn't seen through that one already. I was such a bad liar.

She was sleeping in the guestroom just down the hall. After saying good night, I squared my shoulders, marched into my room and kept my eyes down-faced while getting ready for bed. I didn't have the heart to look at Edward's portrait – for I knew it would make me cry – but I didn't have the strength to move it either. Like it or not, he still meant to much to me to move – and secretly I still had hope that sometime soon he'd realize that he had made a mistake and would show himself to me again. If I removed the portrait, he might think that I had agreed with him and decided to move on. As if I could ever do that…

Curling up beneath my coverlet, I faced the window, but I could still feel the eyes of Edward staring down on me from the wall. It felt like a rhino was boring into my back, a painfully slow impalement, but nevertheless, I managed to fall asleep. More dreams of Edward. I woke up gasping again, but I kept quiet enough for Alice not to hear – it was still very early in the morning. Resigning myself to the fact that I couldn't fall asleep again, I just lay in bed, watching the sun slowly light up the sky. Beautiful, even in the midst of my depression.

_____________________

I spent the week totally focused on work and putting the finishing touches on the book. Alice would invite me over every night to her and Jasper's flat. It was the first time I'd ever been there and I got the grand tour on Monday. It was a nice, fairly large flat and Alice was ecstatic about it. Jasper was quiet as always, but his friends certainly were not. His friends, a couple – Rose and Emmett, were some of the loudest people I'd ever met.

Rose, or Rosalie, was devastatingly beautiful, blonde, and tall. She was quite the gossip, and she and Alice seemed like the perfect pair. I was not shocked to see them together, just shocked that Rosalie was at all interested in befriending me. She was very kind, though slightly intimidating, but we both seemed to grow more accustomed and friendly to each other as the week progressed. Emmett, on the other hand, was an entirely different matter.

He was large, he was muscular, and he was the biggest teddy-bear of a man I'd ever met. Alice had informed me previously that he was an enthusiastic friend, loyal, and entirely devoted to Rosalie. The both of them repaired cars in their own shop just down the street from the bookshop where I worked. Emmett, though the friendliest man you could meet, was entirely protective of his friends and could be, Alice informed me, extremely scary when he was angry, though she'd never seen him so. Apparently it took a lot to get Emmett down. Alice was sure, then, that meeting Emmett would help put the life back into me.

Emmett, the first time we met, wrapped me up in his large, muscular arms, and gave me the tightest hug I'd ever received. It felt…nice…like I was completely safe. It was almost as comforting a feeling as if you were a baby, wrapped up in a mother's womb – protected, warm, safe. Emmett, without further ado, spent the rest of the evening trying to get me to laugh – and much to my surprise, he succeeded. And henceforth, my nights were no longer lonely and depressed. I spent each one with this new set of friends and they all somehow managed to prop me up, keep me grounded and from sinking into the earth, swallowed by sadness.

At times, I'd still feel that pang in my chest, reminding me that nothing was solved, nothing was right – there was still something, _someone_, missing to make me whole, but now, with Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper and Alice, I was able to move forward instead of staying where I was. I was able to be distracted.

Every night, though, I'd let myself sink, let the pain take over, the sadness wash in. I'd fall into bed, short of breath, gasping for air, while _he_ bored holes in my back from where he hung on the wall. I spent the rest of the night with my hand clutching my chest, trying to keep it together, while I slept. I always woke up crying, reaching out to the fading Edward of my dreams. I prayed for Friday to come – for Seattle. My trip was something to look forward to, a break in the monotony of the weekday. Who knew, maybe, perhaps, with a book published, I might find a way to bring Edward back into my life. It was wishful thinking, but if there was any way that I could make myself more approachable to Edward, he might be pulled in. It was a hope that was keeping me alive.

* * *

Playlist

Someday – The Strokes

Please Do Not Go – Violent Femmes

From Black to Blue – Yo La Tengo

Caring is Creepy – The Shins

I Made A Resolution – The Wolf

* * *

**So, there it is. Next chapter, I think will possibly be up soon. I'm hoping. Please comment or review how you liked the chapter, the story, anything. Cheers, you all!**


	15. Like Oh, Like H

The morning was clear when I awoke, but I glimpsed a rolling mass of clouds in the distance. I feared that it would rain for my trip to Seattle.

Wiping a few errant tears from my eyes, I slowly stood up. I was sore from being in hunched together all night, knees to chin. I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up with a few blood clots considering how long my legs were folded together. But it was the only way I could sleep, holding myself together – I would be afraid otherwise that I would simply fall apart while I was unconscious. Dying in the same room as Edward had, wouldn't that be ironic?

Stretching, I made my way to the dresser, pulling out some jeans and a plain cotton t-shirt. I knew Alice wouldn't approve of my dress code, but I didn't care. I was searching for comfort, not fashion at this point and it didn't matter who disapproved. I randomly thought about Edward's previous comments on my dress – how he had disliked my baggy attire from Phoenix, complaining he couldn't see my figure. That only made me cringe, however, because I knew that the jeans were figure fitting and Edward would probably make some comment about my butt – though he'd prefer using a different word to describe it…

Enough, I told myself. It no longer mattered what I dressed like because apparently Edward could resist me that way – after all, he'd disappeared, choosing to leave me and my "perfect figure."

I packed lightly, because I planned on spending a few days in Seattle, before returning, in case the publishers needed to see me again for anything. I moved quietly about the room because I didn't want to wake Alice. As soon as I had my overnight bag packed, I made my way downstairs, avoiding a quick glance at Edward's portrait. I had a small bowl of cereal and cleaned the dish.

I knew that Alice would want me to let her know that I was leaving – thank goodness Charlie had allowed me to have Friday off for my little trip. The guest bedroom door was slightly ajar. I pushed it open cautiously. Alice was sprawled across the bed, the sheets tangled around her legs. I shook my head. Alice was always a restless sleeper – never a good idea to sleep next to her for you most certainly would be smacked, kicked, and gradually uncovered and pushed off the bed. I wondered, errantly, how Jasper would deal with that in future, if, in fact, they weren't already sleeping in the same bed. That thought made me cringe – TMI – and I brushed forward.

Laying a hand on her back, I shook Alice slightly. She didn't wake, but I knew, of course, she wouldn't because she was such a sound sleeper. Sighing, I gripped the mattress and began shaking it roughly, effectively bouncing her up and down and causing her to roll back and forth on the bed. This, of course, did the trick and she shot up, looking around wildly. When she spotted me, she growled and launched herself at me.

"Isabella Marie Swan I will kill you!"

I shrieked as she landed on me and took us both down. For such a small person, Alice was certainly quite strong.

"Alice, please get off me," I panted and she did, but not without yanking my hair in one quick tug. "Oww! Jeez, Alice, give me a break! It's not like you're the easiest person to wake!" Alice straightened her nightgown and scowled at me.

"Bella, you didn't have to do _that_, it's not like it was your only option to shake me off the bed! You could have just yelled at me or something!"

"Trust me, Alice," I replied, "You still would have been mad. Anyway, I've gotta get going if I'm going to make decent time to Seattle. I just wanted to let you know I was heading out and to remind you to lock up if you leave the house – not that you have to, you're welcome to stay here." I knew she'd probably return to her new apartment, though, with Jasper. It's not like Alice was fond of having her own house to herself. She was far too social a butterfly.

"Alright, Bella. Thanks for letting me know, but are you sure you don't want me to go with you? We could make a girl's trip of it and have a bit of fun?" She gave me a look that I knew said she was worried about me being alone again. I shrugged and shook my head.

"No thanks, Alice. I'll be fine and I'd prefer to have a solo trip. I think I need some time to myself to…think, relax, you know?"

"I understand, Bella," Alice said softly, putting her hand on my shoulder. We hugged lightly, and I kissed her on the cheek before heading back down stairs. Alice didn't follow, claiming she needed more sleep and Jasper wouldn't be expecting her in town until much later. I told her I'd call her as soon as I got to Seattle.

Sighing, I let myself out and got my bag in the car before taking one last look at the house. I thought, just for a moment, that I saw Edward's face in the window of my bedroom…but it was just the light and my imagination playing tricks on me. I just _wanted_ to see his face, that's all, and so my mind was more willing to think it saw his face…but of course that wouldn't be for real.

I got quickly into my car and pulled out, relishing in the emptiness of the road stretching out in front of me. I always did enjoy a long car ride, where there was nothing but me, the hum of the engine, and my music playing in the speakers. I could always think clearer when it was like this. I could relax and just let everything fall away as I headed to my destination.

____________________

I arrived in Seattle in the afternoon. I prayed that I would be able to find a publishing office before it was too late in the evening, before they closed. Thankfully, I was able to get to a hotel, locate a phonebook and find ad publishing company not too far from the hotel. And they would be open till 5. It was 3:30 now, so I quickly grabbed my manuscript and headed out to the car. I found the place fairly easy, and exited the car with excitement boiling in my belly. I was almost too distracted to think about Edward.

I was right about expecting rain – it was pouring by the time I reached the offices of Cullen Publishers. I didn't think to bring an umbrella with me, unfortunately, so I got rather soaked as I made my way inside the office doors. I quickly grabbed the hem of my cotton shirt and attempted to dry my hands without making too many creases in it. I knew that looking presentable was an important part to getting published, so it was important that I not do too much damage to my already worn shirt. Of course, I was already wet from the rain, which contributed to that damp, lost kitten look that definitely wasn't professional, but I knew that I just needed to act confident and not take no for an answer.

With that thought in mind, I made my way up a set of marble stairs that led to the lobby. There was an array of soft-looking beige couches facing each other on a soft, white rug. A mahogany desk sat at the far end of the room and behind it on both sides were doors that led further into the offices of the publishers themselves. A blonde sat behind the desk, tapping away on a keyboard with a bored expression. For all I knew, she could be writing her own novel. I heard the large double doors behind me open and close, signaling the arrival of another client, probably, so I knew that it was now or never that I make my move.

I made my way confidently across the soft, plush rug, weaving between the couches to the desk. The blonde – platinum and totally dyed – didn't even look up as I stopped at the front of the desk, continuing her typing and, I now noticed, chewing on her gum. I cleared my throat to interrupt the tapping of her long-nailed, red-painted fingers on the keys. She looked up beneath thick, black-mascara coated eyelashes at me and blew a pink bubble that popped with a loud _snap!_ She collected the deflated pieces of gum with her pink tongue, reining them back in her mouth and chewing a couple of times before greeting me with a bored, "What can I do for you?"

I stared at her a moment, stunned by the lack of professionalism I had been presented with, before snapping out of it and stuttering quickly, "Uh – I'd like – like to see Mr. Cullen, please? I want to make an appointment with him about publishing my book." As I was talking, I felt a presence behind me and out of the corner of my eye noticed a tall, gangly man stop just to my left, leaning on the desk. I could feel his gaze on my and I tried to control the fierceness of my blush – embarrassed to be studied at such an uncomfortable moment in my life.

"_You_ want to meet with _Mr. Cullen_? Just who exactly do you think you are?" the blonde questioned rudely. In actuality, I felt verbally slapped. I simply stared at her, too shocked to respond.

"Well?" she prodded, her manicured nails tapping impatiently against the polished wood of her desk.

"I – I – Yes, that's who I want to see. I'm here to get my book published," I repeated, not understanding what her problem was. "It's very important that I see him and get him to read my book. I need this," I conceded. It was true. I was hoping this book deal would chinch my monetary problems and leave me with enough security to stay in Edward's house. My house now.

"Well, _Miss_, not just anyone can see Mr. Cullen. He is too busy with appointments with clients who actually _mean_ something here. He doesn't have time to read fan fiction fantasy novels written by Plain Jane wannabe writers that are a waste of time," she explained, her voice dripping with irritation and smugness. I just gaped at her. The man beside me moved, but I couldn't pay any attention to him at this point.

"Excuse me, but you don't even know me!" I replied, my voice raising slightly at the challenge this blonde was presenting me.

"Excuse _me_, but I'm busy. The door is behind you, don't let it hit that flat butt of yours on the way out," the blonde simpered, giving me a haughty look.

"Excuse me, but I think I can help with this situation," came a deep male voice from beside me and I turned to regard the gentleman who'd been watching this whole affair for the first time. As soon as I took him in, my eyes widened slightly. He was _tall_, and I mean _really tall_. He was at least two feet taller than me, lean, and well muscled about the arms, which was visible to me beneath the contours of his button-up shirt. His skin was russet colored, his hair jet black and shortly cropped. He was, in a word, handsome.

"Oh, you're back are you, Mr. Black, I thought you couldn't wait?" the blonde addressed the man beside me, her voice suddenly polite and, dare I say it, pleasant? She gave him a playfully questioning look. I wanted to gag.

"Actually yes, I feel as if I could wait forever, if I had to," he replied, looking me up and down. I felt myself bristle slightly at the implications, but he was speaking again. "Tanya, I know it's in your nature to be hostile to those you a threat to your beauty – and believe me, you certainly are in danger at this moment – but if you please, give Mr. Cullen a ring and let him know that there is a _beautiful_ young woman here who truly needs to see him. She can have my appointment." His voice, while informative, rumbled with a mixture of sultriness and huskiness that screamed _alpha male_. I was simply stunned, unable to reply to what he had just said.

_Tanya_, as I now learned her name was, scoffed, her face darkening at the man's words, and shook her head. "I can't do that, Mr. Black. Mr. Cullen only sees the top clients of this firm and I simply cannot permit this…this juvenile to enter his office and take up _his_ valuable time."

"I really must insist, Tanya, _as a top client_, that you allow Miss –" and here he turned to me.

"Uh Mrs. Mike Newton," I mumbled, my mind thinking irrationally that if I mentioned that I was married – emphasis on _was_ for me – than I would appear less "juvenile."

"Mrs.…" Jacob murmured, his face falling before brightening again a second later. "Yes, please allow Mrs. Newton to take my appointment with Mr. Cullen." He grinned at me, barely glancing at Tanya. I heard her huff and punch the keypad of the telephone, then a moment later whining into the receiver about an appointment problem.

"Well, then," she grumbled, after replacing the phone back in its cradle, "Mr. Cullen will see you now." She immediately returned back to typing, as if the conversation between the three of us had never taken place. I stood, for a moment, unsure of where to go.

"Here," Mr. Black, apparently sensing my insecurity, took my arm and began leading me, "this way." He led us through one of the doors at the side of the receptionist desk. On the other side was a long hallway filled with more doors. Mr. Black led us farther down the hall.

"So," he began, "You wrote yourself a book? What sort? I'm a book writer myself…as you may have guessed…I'm curious as to what you would write about? A romance novel, perhaps? A romantic comedy of sorts?" I stopped him before he could go on.

"Of course not! Must you assume that because I'm a woman I only want to write about love?" I blushed at my brazenness…after all, he was the one who was giving me his appointment and being so kind to me without knowing a thing about me. I really should be thanking him.

"I'm sorry," I backtracked, "I didn't mean to be so rude…really I owe you for what you're doing for me." I heard him chuckle beside me and I glanced at him swiftly, sharing in his mirth.

"No, it is I who should apologize. I didn't mean to exude a sense of misogyny. Really, I'm not like that normally. I'm…not too good at small talk when I'm around such a beautiful woman…You make me nervous." Now _he_ was blushing, a hint of raspberry across his cinnamon skin. I felt my stomach flip. I was nervous myself.

"I'm not beautiful," I mumbled. Mr. Black stopped. We were at the end of the corridor and a large set of double doors stood impressively in the wall before us.

"Oh, now you're just being modest. Trust me when I say you are indeed one of the most beautiful women I have ever encountered…I cannot wait to read your novel." He grinned at me and I blushed.

"We'll see how this goes first," I replied, the side of my mouth pulling up unconsciously in a grin of my own…which I hadn't done in quite some time…not since Edward…That thought, of course, was quite sobering and I realized that I shouldn't have been flirting with this stranger I had only known for a few minutes. "Thank you for your help, Mr. Black. Excuse me." And I knocked on the door.

"Come in," came the smooth voice on the other side. With one last glance at Mr. Black, I put my hand on the brass doorknob and turned it, following the open door to my fate that was waiting on the other side.

* * *

Playlist

Jealous Enemies – Dark Captain, Light Captain

Beautiful – Barenaked Ladies

Send Him Away – Franz Ferdinand

Like O, Like H – Tegan & Sara

Phantom Limb – The Shins

Heartbeat – The Runaways

* * *

**Well, there it is. How do you feel about the chapter? Did you like it, or did it upset you? Did it make you angry that there was no Edward? These are things I would like to hear from you. Comment on the chapter, let me know what you think and what you might like to see different. I have a set plan for this story, but there is aways room for suggestion. Cheers and hopefully the next chapter will be up soon.**


	16. Stormy Weather

The office was an outrageously fine affair – books by the hundreds graced the shelves, wall to wall to wall. At the far end, behind a large, mahogany desk that looked fit for a prince, was a wall to ceiling window, displaying the view of the city beyond. Seated at the desk, in a large, wingback leather arm chair, was a blonde haired man in a finely tailored suit of navy. All I could do for the moment was stare blatantly at the man before me, one of the nation's finest publicists. My hand that held my manuscript shook.

"Hello, Miss…?" he asked, his voice a light and buttery affair. It was rather enchanting, and only helped to further clog my brain. I shook it slightly and blurted,

"Swan! Miss Bella Swan…and I'm sorry to bother you at such a short notice and without introducing myself properly, Mr. Cullen, but I really didn't think things through when I decided to come here. I just –"

"Miss Swan!" Mr. Cullen interrupted. I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment, at being scolded by the person she hoped would become her future publicist. "No need to explain or fumble over apologies. Just consider yourself one lucky lady for landing a meeting with me…I know Jacob Black, and he normally is no gentleman when it comes to others taking up his time…so already Fate must have intervened somehow…I am curious as to why you sought out such an impromptu meeting with me. I can only assume that it has something to do with your own future as an author?" He paused, waiting for me to fill him in. I took a deep breath to steady myself.

"You are right, Mr. Cullen –"

"Miss Swan, I know you are accustomed to thinking such institutions as this publishing company resting on formalities such as addressing everyone by their proper title, but from now on, please feel free to call me Carlisle."

"Umm, I'm really not sure how I feel about that…sir," I answered, twisting my fingers in my hands.

"And why is that?" Carlisle questioned in that comforting voice he seemed to own so well.

"Because…well…I hardly know you, and you hardly know me…I don't understand why you'd be so ready to address me in a less formal matter and vice versa when you may never even see me again – if you don't like my novel…" Oops, I'd just told him he might not like what I wrote, an interview no-no and now he may not even want to consider reading it!

"Please, Bella…It is Bella, right?" I nodded, "Bella, really, I take up this policy with all my clients…and future clients, and I really base it more off of the desire to keep everything relaxed and friendly as possible. Now…those who work under me…such as Tanya…they refuse to adhere to this relaxed policy and that is perfectly fine…But really, if you would feel more comfortable calling me by my first name, I just want you to know that you can…" Carlisle finished. I nodded again, then, feeling like an idiot, blushed a deep shade of red.

"Please, Bella, take a seat," Carlisle offered, and, relieved with something to do, I strode forward quickly and took a seat on one of the plush leather armchairs that were situated in front of the desk.

"Thank you…Carlisle," I stuttered.

"So, Bella, what brings you to this firm? I assume that you are an aspiring novelist."

"Yes," I breathed, glad to be on a subject that I felt more confident in discussing with Carlisle. "I have a manuscript with me, here, and I was hoping you could look it over and perhaps…if you liked it…you could publish it?" I asked, still blushing.

"Of course, let's see it, then," Carlisle replied, taking out a pair of reading glasses and getting serious. I placed my manuscript down on the desk and he picked it up, reading the title and chuckling.

"This seems like it shall be a very interesting read. I can't wait. Do you mind waiting while I read it for a bit? Just to assess. If I like it, I'll let you go and I'll take my time going through it and give you a call once I'm done about the next step."

"Sure…go ahead." I watched as Carlisle cracked open the novel and began reading. I felt like my stomach was twisting in knots. All I could do was sit there, twisting my fingers and looking around Carlisle's wonderfully furbished office. I certainly wouldn't mind working here…

And, as was just a habit that I was trying to break these past couple days, when I had any down time, my mind automatically wandered to…Edward. I thought about what it would be like, if I my book did get published and I went back home to Edward. What would he do? Would we celebrate? Would he be happy for me? But, as was per usual these days when I thought about Edward, that hole that existed in my chest grew gaping in size and I could feel my heart shrink and my lungs constrict, making it so hard to breath…And here I was sitting in the middle of an important publisher's office, with the beginnings of hyperventilation and clammy nausea. I _had_ to think of something else!

Quickly, I began thinking about the man that I'd run into before I came to this office…the man who'd given me his spot, when, according to Carlisle, he never did that kind of thing…Jacob…Jacob of the husky, deep voice and puppy-dog eyes, and dark tanned skin…He was quite handsome, now that I thought of it. It was certainly strange what he'd done for me. I wonder what his motivations were.

"Well, I must say, for a first time writer, this is fantastic!" Carlisle exclaimed. I was jolted out of my thoughts and I looked up to see Carlisle grinning at me.

"R-really?" I stuttered.

"Yes, Bella – I am completely drawn in! Your descriptions and ways of bringing the author into the scene are fabulous! The plot, the story of this reclusive pianist! Who knew that they could have such strange, imaginative thoughts and ideas! And his early exploits! You write the male perspective uncommonly well, it's as if you _were_ a man, if you don't mind my saying so," Carlisle amended.

"Oh, well…thanks!" I felt a bubbly tingling surging through my body…it was…success! I was most probably going to become an authoress! I couldn't believe it! I _had_ to tell Alice!

"Well, then, Bella, what I need you to do is simple. Just leave your name and number with me and I will give you a call after I have gone through the complete manuscript and then, we'll set up an appointment and go over everything, getting this editing done as best we can. Then, on from there, I'll send this over to the publishers and we'll be set! You'll be an author in no time and, in my prognostics, on the best sellers list!"

"Really! I can't believe it! And to think that I owe it all to – " And thank heaven, I stopped myself. I had almost said _his_ name aloud…I'd almost said it! Just like that, the hole was open and blazing hot. I felt my good, bubbly feeling melt into a sticky mass inside my chest, making it hard to breathe again. In fact, I just felt like collapsing.

"For what, Bella?" Carlisle's voice startled me out of my internal break down. I tried smiling at him, but it came out weak and unconvincing.

"Umm, nothing, I didn't mean anything," I mumbled, running a hand nervously through my hair.

"Well, please, go ahead and fill out this sheet for me with your contact information and then we'll be all set here," Carlisle advised. I nodded numbly and took up the pen he'd pushed over with the sheet. Filling it out quickly, I set the pen down and stood up.

"Thank you for everything, Carlisle…You don't know happy this has made me," I told him quietly. He nodded, giving me an uneasy, concerned glance. I brushed it off with another weak smile before saying my goodbye and heading out of the office.

Once the door was closed, I leaned against it and let out a shaky breath. I had to get Edward out of my mind soon, or I wouldn't be able to make it to my car in one peace.

"That bad, huh?" a deep, baritone voice accosted me. I startled and whipped my head to the side to see none other than Jacob Black staring at me with a sympathetic smile.

"Uh, no, it actually went very well," I replied politely, closing my fingers around into a fist and heading down the hall back to the reception area. I wasn't sure that I wanted to hang around with Mr. Black. It weirded me out that he'd hung around until I came out. What did he mean by it?

"Oh, well, then why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" he questioned and I snorted and covered my mouth quickly, tears springing to my eyes. He'd never know how close he'd hit to the mark.

"I'm sorry, did I say something upsetting? I didn't mean anything by it, really," Jacob consoled…I shook my head, unable to say anything. I just had to get out of there.

"Well, here, I want you to have this." Jacob grabbed my hand that wasn't covering my mouth and opened it to place a small, white card on it. "It's my number. Call me if you ever need any help with the…writing business…or if you need a friend…"

"T-thanks, I – have to – go, bye," I mumbled, jerking my hand back and pushing past him, speed walking down the hall. I didn't even acknowledge Tanya-the-nail-sharpening-pig-nosed-jerk. I was at the door and out in the rain in two seconds. Once in my car, I let my tears fall and I curled up in the fetal position in the front seat. I sobbed and rocked myself, trying to ignore the pain that was roaring in my chest, trying to get black out those forest green eyes staring blatantly at me behind my closed lids.

"Ed-ward, Ed-ward, Ed-ward," I sobbed, "why? Why did you do this to me?"

It was half an hour before I felt capable of doing anything. I carefully drove back to the hotel and phoned Alice, letting her know the good news, all the while fighting to keep the sadness out of my voice. Thankfully she was blinded by happiness for me that she wasn't as sharp as she usually was. She told me about the work she did with setting up her company online and the nice time at dinner she'd had with Jasper. I gladly clung to the small, unimportant facts she was rambling to me, anything that would get me to focus on something other than Edward.

Afterwards, I felt so spent that I just went to sleep, not bothering to change into pajamas or brush my teeth. I just needed to be unconscious, and I prayed that Edward would not haunt my dreams tonight.

**

* * *

**

Okay, I have a question for you all that deals with the impending chapters. If you all want, I can glaze through the "Jacob" part all in one chapter, or I can take my time with it and put more depth to the story in the chapters. I know most of you reading this story are Bella/Edward fans.

**I am too, strongly and I completely ignore the Jacob/Bella aspect of the series and refuse to acknowledge its existence. However, for the intents and purposes of this story, it is necessary that Jacob become one of the main characters…for the time being, until the plot moves past that. **

**Since you are the readers, I'm putting it in your hands how you want this to go down. I may or may not put a poll up, but the safest way for you to convey to me whether or not you want a smoother flow to the story or a more choppy-get-through-the-Jacob-parts-as-fast-as-we-can aspect, then send me a review of your preference. I'll count and see whatever the majority is and that is what will happen. Thanks!**

* * *

Playlist

Half A Heart – The Barenaked Ladies

Some Way Through This – The Black Ghosts

Stormy Weather – The Kooks

Sick Again – Led Zeppelin

Is It Day or Night? – The Runaways

Falling Down – Scarlet Johansson

You're A Wolf – Sea Wolf


	17. Split Screen Sadness

I awoke with a bad headache and a serious case of the jitters. My Edward Nightmares, as I liked to call them, were particularly bad last night and they had left me shivering and cold. I took two aspirin and hoped that the shaking would stop.

I stopped at a coffee shop before taking a walk around Seattle. It had been ages since I'd been, but the good thing about it was, there was no place in this entire city that could possibly remind me of Edward. I kept my phone on, just in case Carlisle called. The walk helped clear my thoughts and it lightened my mood.

It was only when I made it to the Olympic Sculpture Park that my phone started ringing, but it wasn't Carlisle. I clicked the Talk button uncertainly.

"Hello?" my voice answered nervously.

"Bella? Hello. Sorry, this is Mr. Black – Jacob…from the Publishing office, remember?"

"Jacob?" I was startled. How did he get my number? Why was he calling? What the hell?

"Yeah, um…I know you're probably wondering how I got your number…Tanya at the front desk looked it up for me. It seems like you're a client of the firm now. Congratulations," his voice rumbled and I bit my lip, unsure what to say.

"Thanks…But…why are you…calling me?" I hoped I didn't sound like a jerk or anything, but I couldn't help but wonder why this complete stranger…well not exactly a _complete_ stranger, was calling me.

"Yes, well, I don't know if you realized it yesterday, but I found myself instantly fascinated by you. You are a very interesting woman, Ms. Swan – yes I found out you're not married – "

"Hey, look buddy, I don't know if you're aware of this," I replied angrily, cutting him off, "but you're behaving like a total stalker here and I don't think you have any right to look up my _personal _information. In fact, I don't even know how you came up with that information, I thought there was a confidentiality clause or something attached to that kind of office. Anyways, to make it quite clear, if you try calling me again, I'm getting my number changed and you're getting reported to the police!" He was really starting to piss me off and I didn't like it.

"Woah, woah, woah! Calm down, there Bella! It's alright, I'm not a stalker…Yes, I got Tanya to look up your information for me and she was only willing to do that because I can be very persuasive and I'm a top client at the firm…but I have to tell you that I just wanted to ask you out. That's why I'm calling. Please, I'm sorry for the way I've handled this whole situation. If you can give me just one chance, I'm sure that I can make you see that I'm not some perv or stalker."

I sighed. It was true, he was very persuasive. The way his voice sounded over the phone made it hard for me to picture him as a stalker or a pervert…I did want to give him a chance…I wondered if part of me, though, was making it extra difficult to trust my feelings about any men, simply because of the fact that my first husband died and then the man I had fallen in love with just after that had left me…It was as if Edward was still affecting me even now, after he had removed himself from my life.

Jacob had seemed like a nice person back at the office. I wasn't about to lie and say I wasn't attracted to him on some level…he was very handsome…but that was a purely physical reaction. He was the complete opposite of Edward, dark skinned and deep voiced, he had a completely different manner. He certainly was less brooding, and certainly more light spirited, ready to poke fun and have a good time…I had to stop myself though, and take a step back.

It worried me that I was comparing Jacob to Edward, as if making a pro con based of Edward as the model…Why did Edward have to change everything and every way that I looked at men now? Even as I passed guys on the street today as I walked I found myself picking out Edward-like characteristics – bronze-ish hair, that straight noise, green eyes…tall lean figure…It was so frustrating!

I realized that there was no way I could ever fall in love again, like I had with Edward, but I could at least, as Alice…and even Edward…suggested and find someone who could be good to me…Could Jacob be that kind of person? I didn't know, but I was prepared to try and find out. So I decided, then and there, that, on principle in order to break out of this Edward slump I was in, I was going to give relationships a try.

"Alright, Jacob," I found myself answering, "I'll give you one more chance. I'm here in Seattle till the end of the weekend, so whenever you're free, let me know." I heard a sigh of relief on the other end before Jacob responded.

"Thank you, Bella! You don't know how happy you've made me. How bout we try dinner tonight, if that's okay? I don't know if I can wait any longer till I can see you. Does that sound alright?"

"Sure," I replied, my voice free of the trepidation that I felt. I had to force myself to do this, if only to help myself move on. That's it.

"Where are you staying? I can pick you up at seven?" he asked eagerly. I instantly thought of a panting, excited little puppy, seeking approval.

I told him my address at the hotel and assured him that seven was fine and yes, I did like bar and grill. After he ended the call with a happy, See you tonight!, I slipped my phone back into my pocket and hugged myself. I was worried about how tonight would go, but I was sure that this was the only way for me to get over Edward. If I could show myself that not everyone was like Edward, then I could get my trust back and stop falling back into this debilitating Edward-withdrawal that had me sobbing and miserable from sun up to sun up. This was the way to get back on track. I just hopped that Jacob didn't take things to fast or else I'd wind up in an even worse place than I was before.

................................

_"Bella?"_

_"Edward?"_

_"Don't go with him."_

_"Who? Edward…I can't see you, please…come here, let me see you!"_

_"Shhhh, baby, I'm right here. Always. Just, please, baby, don't go with him."_

_"Jacob? I – he's just an acquaintance, Edward…He doesn't mean anything. Please, hold me Edward."_

_"I can't –"_

_"Why Edward, why? Don't you love me?"_

_"I _love_ you, Bella. I _love_ you. And no one can take that away!"_

_"No one."_

_"Not even that dog, baby. You can't see him, you can't see him like I can…I _see_. I know what he wants to do with you, baby, and I can't let that happen!"_

_"Nothing's going to happen, Edward, it's never going to happen. I only want you…Please, just come here."_

_"Don't cry, sweetheart…I don't want you to cry. I am here. Can't you feel me? Know that I'm here to protect you. I'm watching over you, Bella. I will always be watching over you."_

_"Then why did you leeeaaavvvvveeeee?!"_

_"Shhh, shhh, Bella, don't cry. I'm here, I'm here."_

_"Noooo, nooo, you left me – you left – I can't see you anymore…Edward…I love you!"_

_"Bella…"_

_"Edward! Come back to me! Come back!"_

_"Be safe, love. Please, just be safe. I'll always love you."_

_"Love you, please, come baaack….!"_

"EDWARD!" I gasped, sitting straight up in bed. I felt the wetness on my cheeks and I knew I had been crying in my sleep. I could remember everything crystal clear, but the image of Edward was fading like shadows in the sun…I could barely hold onto his emerald eyes, now.

I had come back from my walk to take a nap, knowing that since I got little sleep last night, I'd need to be able to stay awake enough to function on my evening out with Jacob tonight. Unfortunately, instead of getting the proper nap that I'd hoped for, I had a vivid dream of Edward being with me, here in the hotel room, begging me not to go. I felt an anger blaze in me at the thought of that. He'd been the one to leave, not me. He had forced me into this life of loneliness, hoping for me to find someone and now he wanted me to stop from moving on? That was unfair and I could barely stand to think of it.

Granted, this was my dream Edward, not the real, well, ghost, Edward, so I shouldn't really be blaming him. Still, the Edward of my dreams tonight had been more real than any of my other dreams of him. He'd sounded so close to the original that I could almost swear that my imagination had been practicing. But I knew that it couldn't really be him. He was back in Forks, invisible as he ever was before I ever stepped through that door into his house.

My phone buzzed and I looked over to realize I had a new text message. I quickly grabbed it and found that I had one missed call from Alice. The text was from Jake, saying that he was on his way. I snapped my head around to look at the clock and was shocked to find that it was 6:40 already. I hadn't even gotten dressed!

Hurriedly, I flipped open my suitcase and looked for the least objectionable outfit. It's not like I'd planned on going out to dinner with anyone when I'd packed, so the closest thing to nice that I had in there was a pair of black slacks and a crème colored blouse. I was about to pull these items out when I noticed a black bag just underneath the slacks. I frowned, not sure what exactly that was. I hadn't packed it.

Pulling it out of the suitcase, I peered in and then gave a huge roll of my eyes. Alice. I pulled out the midnight blue satin with sheer black silk overlay frock with cap sleeves **(A/N pic on my profile, yeah!)**. It was beautiful and it suited me. A win for Alice, again. I'd have to remember to thank her when I got back…or when I called her after this "date."

After quickly slipping the dress on, I reached into the bag again and pulled out the accompanying make-up that Alice prescribed for the dress and a silver headband that Alice apparently wanted to adorn my dark brown tresses. I wondered, after I had quickly applied the make-up and brushed my hair before placing the head band on, what I would wear on my feet. I looked in my suitcase for answers, and low and behold, Alice had the answer for that too. Underneath the black bag had been a pair of silver heels, simple, yet elegant, and, thankfully, not too high. I slipped them on just as I heard a knock at my door. I marveled at the comfort of the shoes as I made my way over to the door.

I looked through the peephole and there Jacob stood, dressed in a crisp, white button down shirt and navy slacks. He looked very nice.

"My, my, Bella, you look stunning!" he exclaimed in his deep voice. I blushed, as I always do when I receive any sort of comment on how I look. I had always been self-conscious about my looks. I had always been in the belief that I was plain Jane, with no outstanding features. Alice, however, with her skills in fashion, had pulled something off tonight and I could believe Jacobs words – to a certain extent.

"Thanks. You look really good, yourself," I replied. "Just hang on, a sec. I need to get my purse." I left him at the door and went, once again, to my suitcase of answers. Alice had packed me a matching purse of midnight blue that was beautiful, yet not ostentatious. I quickly picked up my phone and the compact Alice had supplied and stuffed them both in my purse along with my wallet.

I walked back to the doorway where Jacob stood waiting. I gave him a small smile and he took my arm gently, leading me to his car – a sleek Jaguar. I was a bit shocked, to say the least, but he just chuckled at me before opening the passenger-side door and ushering me in. The leather seats were smooth and flawless and felt extremely comfortable. I was still marveling at them as Jacob opened his door and slid in beside me.

"You have a beautiful car," I mumbled, running my hand over the seat. He gave me a broad grin and patted the steering wheel.

"Yeah, this baby cost a pretty penny, but she was worth it. I love this car. It does everything and it's always nice to let people know that you mean business before they even see you." I frowned slightly at the comment, but let it go as he threw the car into reverse and backed out of the spot.

"Where are we going?" I asked. He shot me another smile and shook his head.

"I don't think so. This is our night, Bells, and I'm going to show you what it means to have a night on the town with Jacob Black. After tonight, you'll never doubt me again."

"So, I guess bar and grill wasn't what you had decided on…"I trailed off. He snorted and I looked out the window quickly to hide my blush of embarrassment.

"Of course not, Bells. You deserve much better than that. Plus, it looks like you planned on a much more elegant evening yourself. You're certainly overdressed for bar and grill," he pointed out and I blushed deeper, realizing that I was a bit fancy considering I had thought we were going to a more casual restaurant.

"I don't blame you, Bells. I always expect a more refined setting for when I dine, and that's the bottom line. I'm glad to see you prefer the finer things in life as well. That's something we both have in common."

"Um…not really. This is just…just a dress my friend packed for me…I usually don't have the money to eat out and…really I like to cook my own food…" I corrected, unsure now of how this evening was to go.

"Oh, I see," was all Jacob added. In that instant, I wondered whether or not Jacob was at all interested in me outside of my physical beauty…not that I had much of that. I had pointedly mentioned my love of cooking and he hadn't said a word or asked me further about what I liked and did with my life. My thoughts so far of this night out were growing less and less hopeful for a repeat.

"So, Jacob, you're an author?" I asked tentatively. Perhaps if we started a common road of conversation, then we could become more familiar with each other.

"Yes, I write books on Economy and how to manage money. I know a thing or two about that, ha ha!" he chuckled at his own joke. I laughed half-heartedly, not reassured, for there was nothing I felt I could reply to that.

"Oh," was my intelligent response.

"Yes, after all that I've been through, I feel people _need_ to hear what I have to say. It is vital to the survival of the upper class of America! If you don't know how to manage your money, you'll never be able to live securely and happily. That's the bottom line."

"And what, exactly, have you been through?" I wondered, looking over at him.

"Oh, well, Bella, I was broke at one point, if you can believe it! I had gambled all my money away and I was living, holed up as it were, in my old man's broken down old shack! I was miserable!"

"Really," I replied dreamily, not even paying attention. I zoned out as he went on and on about how he had scrambled his way to the top, working his way through the dog-eat-dog world of politics and upper class society. He talked all through dinner to and I could barely stand to keep up with him. I spent most of the evening nodding my head and "Mmm-hmmm"ing and whatever it took to make him think that I was interested.

"So Bella, tell me about yourself."

"What was that?" I hadn't heard exactly what he'd asked, but I knew he'd asked a question.

"I asked you to tell me about yourself," he repeated, giving me a warm smile.

"Oh." I was shocked that he was actually interested in hearing anything I had to say. "Well…I am a widow…I just moved to Forks, Washington not too long ago, much to the annoyance of my mother and step-father, and I work at a small-town bookstore. I like to cook…and my best friend is a fashion designer. She gave me this dress…" I trailed off. He had spent the whole evening talking about himself and here I was, summing up my life in a matter of sentences.

"Really, you live in Forks! What a coincidence! That's where my father lives! Billy Black? Have you met him?" he asked eagerly.

"Um, no, I don't think I have met him," I replied, shaking my head. He still looked happy.

"Well, now I have a real excuse for going up there, my very dear friend and authoress lives up there. What a small world." He was beaming and it lit up his face, making his already handsome face that much better looking.

"Yes, well, I guess." I was simply praying for this night to be over soon. Apparently Jacob finally picked up on my unhappiness, for he frowned and reached out to grab my hand that was lying on the table. It was so small compared to his and his palm was warm, much warmer than I was expecting.

"Bella," he said quietly, his voice much huskier than it had been, "I know I must seem like such an egotistical jerk right now, but, please, understand that I…I don't date often and…I guess I'm just extremely nervous…especially since you're such a beautiful, intriguing young woman…I haven't met anyone like you and I really, really would like to get to know you better…I suppose you're probably hoping we never see each other again, but…I suppose I should tell you why I am so nervous tonight…"

His eyes got this sad, defeated look and I felt a tug on my heart. He looked so broken now that I was almost surprised that this was the same Jacob who had picked me up this evening and had called me earlier today.

"Jacob…" I trailed off, unsure of what to do.

"No, really, it's important that you know the real me – not this pompous loser who's been bragging all night long about how rich and famous he is…I expect, perhaps, since you've lost someone you love that you'll understand better than anyone. Usually I don't feel comfortable with letting people in and telling them about the real story of my life…it's too painful. But I think you're worth it." He gave me a small smile, but I could see tears starting to form in his eyes. I felt extremely bad, now, for writing him off so quickly as a stuck-up pig.

"Do you…would you like to take a walk with me?" he offered. "I promise I'll get you home at an early enough hour. I just would like more privacy for what I'm about to tell you." I nodded and he quickly stood up, keeping a firm hold of my hand and laying a crisp check on the table. He led me out of the restaurant and out into the crisp night air.

"Here." He shrugged off his coat and placed it around my shoulders, for the elegant wrap that Alice had left me wasn't warm enough.

"Thanks." I pulled the coat closer about me, relishing in the warmth of it. It smelled good, too, and I wondered whether it was his smell or just my imagination.

"Let's walk this way," he suggested and we started off to the left, following the sidewalk.

"Where should I begin?" Jacob mused, frowning. "I know. I'll have to start at the beginning. Well, when I was eighteen, I fell in love…I'm sure you know what that feels like?"

"Yes," I replied, my heart constricting as I thought fleetingly of Edward.

"Well, I fell in love with this girl from Forks, I was still living there, broke and without a job. I couldn't afford college and I was living with my dad. Sue…that was her name…was a family friend…older than me, but warm and inviting. We were thrown together quite a bit, since Dad was always having football parties and such at our house…We talked a lot and she really helped me work out my problems…She helped me get back on my feet, getting me a job at her brother's mechanics shop.

"I loved being with her, and after a couple months, I started thinking about what it would be like to be with her…you know…in a relationship. I knew that it would seem wrong to my Dad, because she was at least twenty years older than me, and it would seem wrong to her family as well and to anyone who knew us…but at the time I didn't care. I just wanted…her.

"So one night, while my dad was having one of his parties, I asked her to take a walk with me along the beach outside our home. She agreed and we went. Once I had her alone, I confessed my feelings to her and…well…I kissed her." Here Jacob smiled, as if remembering that time. He looked as if he were picturing her again and I could see that there definitely was love there.

"Sue was, well, surprised to say the least. She wasn't too hot about the idea of me falling in love with her like that, but eventually she admitted that she had feelings for me too…I was so – happy. I was full of joy at the thought that this could possibly be happening, that I was finally finding happiness! We kissed a little after that and every day we'd try to meet each other somewhere. We both thought it would a good idea to keep things secret for the time being, seeing as our relationship was…well…unorthodox.

"I tell you, Bella, I never dreamed of how happy I could be, just simply being with her. It was like I was flying and I constantly had a smile on my face! She made me so happy and I knew I made her happy as well. I felt like there was nothing that could stop me. That is…until Christmas. I had bought her a ring, I was going to propose to her. I knew that it might seem rather soon, but all I wanted then was to spend the rest of my life with her. It just felt right. And I wasn't going to give her up.

"We had planned to meet on Christmas Eve, at our spot on the beach. I got their early and I could help myself from just…smiling. I knew that this was it. This was the point where my life was going to change for the better. But when she got there…I knew something was wrong. She looked…sad. Like there was something eating at her. I asked her what the matter was and she just looked at me.

"I kissed her, but it wasn't the same…she pulled away from me and told me the words that broke my heart. She said she couldn't see me anymore, that it wouldn't be right. I cried. Honestly, Bella, I cried – I was so upset. I asked her why, why couldn't we be together when we were so right for each other. We were so happy! We barely ever fought. And then she broke me further…she told me…she told me –" Jacob broke off and looked away. I could see that there were tears in his eyes, threatening to fall and he didn't want me to see them. I gripped his hand more tightly and rubbed his shoulder. He turned back and gave me a grateful smile, wiping at his eyes with his free hand.

"Sorry…just thinking about that time of my life still breaks me…I can barely stand to get the words out."

"It's okay," I assured him, squeezing his hand. "Take your time." I knew now that I definitely had judged him too quickly. I was afraid to hear what was next in his story.

"Well…She told me that she had met someone…a long time ago, before we ever started our relationship…but he had moved away and they had merely been keeping a long distance relationship. She wasn't even sure if he was coming back. They talked sometimes, on the phone, but after she met me, he'd been calling more often. He had talked about coming back…He was a businessman, traveling around. She wasn't sure if she still wanted him, since she'd fallen for me, but then, he'd come back the night before Christmas Eve, surprising her, and he proposed…Can you believe that! He was gone for more than two years and he just came back and the first day he was back he proposed to her! And you know what? She said _yes_! She agreed! After all that we had been through together. We had fallen in love, we were so close, closer than they had ever been and she still agreed to marry him!

"She left me, Bella. Left me in the cold. They got married outside of Forks. She moved away with him and I haven't seen her since…It took me ages to get over her."

"Oh, Jacob. I'm so sorry!" I soothed, burying my face in his chest and hugging him. He hugged me back.

"Everything I told you about fighting my way up in the business world was true. I fought because I felt like it was the only way I could attract a woman and keep her…if I had money…And now I've been living alone with all my money for years now. Writing books, trying to make up for something I can never get back…I am ashamed of myself for how I've behaved tonight. You deserve much better than me."

I pulled back and looked up into Jacob's dark, tortured face. I looked and I saw someone who shared something in common with me. A longing for someone we couldn't have, no matter how hard we tried. I knew then, that I would be seeing Jacob Black again, and now, after having bared his soul to me, I would have to bare mine to him…to an extent. It was all I could give him and I knew that he would never treat me again like he had before. We were on equal playing ground now and that was something I could live with.

**

* * *

**

Soooooo….That's it for now. I decided, based on the reviews I got, that the best way to do this was to let the story flow naturally. I tried to fit as much of the Jacob stuff I could in this chapter, and there might be one or two after that. Of course, I put a little Edward in there for you guys, not a lot, but some, since I know there was popular demand for him. I know it probably won't be enough to satisfy, that's all I got for now. Don't worry, Edward will return soon, but just not right now.

**Thanks again for all your reviews, guys. They were extremely helpful and heartening. I enjoyed the feedback. Please feel free to keep letting me know your thoughts and ideas about the ensuing plot of the story. I always appreciate it.**

**That's all for now. Cheers!**

* * *

Playlist:

I Will Possess Your Heart – Death Cab For Cutie

Split Screen Sadness – John Meyer

Alone, Together – The Strokes

Those To Come – The Shins

Needles and Pins – The Ramones


	18. Tiny Little Fractures

**I know I took so long to get this up, but it's here now, and you can read it. Sorry if it disappoints, but the next few chapters are the real bang of this story and I can't wait to write them. Enjoy this one for what it is.**

Jacob wanted to come back to the hotel with me, but I refused the offer. While I knew Jacob was exercising old habits, I gently let him know that I was tired and didn't generally invite a man home after a first date. He didn't take it too hard. He tried to kiss me though, and I almost let it happen.

After Jacob had told me his story, we walked back to his car. Our ride was silent, and I let him hold my hand on the way. The air was still ripe with tension from our discussion and I didn't want to spoil it with mindless, meaningless small talk.

When we pulled up to the hotel, Jacob parked and walked me to my door.

"Goodnight, Bells. Thank you for listening to me and for giving me a chance…Without that – I don't know if I'd have been able to forgive myself…"

"It's okay, Jacob. I'm happy you could confide in me. I understand how hard it is to tell someone your secrets, and I want you to know that I hope we can keep in touch." Jacob smiled at me then, and leaned down. I was aware, suddenly, of how close we were and a slight clenching in my stomach alerted me to my discomfort.

As his lips came closer to my face, I prepared myself to accept it, but it seemed that the closer he got, the more wrong it felt. All I could see were Edward's lips, Edward's beautiful face as he gazed at me, the loving look that crept into his eyes as we looked at each other. At the split second before Jacob's lips touched mine, I saw Edward's face and a look of pure pain and sadness and it broke my heart. I turned my head to the side and Jacob's lips collided with my cheekbone.

When he pulled back, Jacob had a strange look on his face that I couldn't interpret. I diffused the tension by wishing him a good night and quickly entered my room and closed the door, leaving him out in the hall.

Once the door was closed, I stood for a moment with my hand on the doorknob, frozen. I stared at the place where Jacob had been on the other side of the door, picturing his face.

"_He doesn't understand."_ I sucked in a breath at the sound of _his_ voice.

"What doesn't he understand?" I whispered, unsure if I'd get my answer. I thought I felt the cold brush of fingers pulling my hair away from my neck, but as soon as I felt it, the feeling disappeared.

"_He doesn't understand how special you are…That you're not like the others…I swear to Heaven if he hurts you…"_ the voice growled. I whimpered and pressed my forehead against the cheap wood of the motel door, my hand falling from the knob.

"What are you doing to me? _What others_?! Why can't I stop thinking about this! About you!!"

"_Baby, you're shaking_._"_

"STOP IT!!!" I shrieked, slamming my hand against the door. I waited, but I heard nothing. I wasn't aware that I was shaking until now. I sob ripped through my throat and I sank to the floor, my back against the door. I don't how long I sat there, crying, but I awoke the next morning from my stupor, sore, depressed, and lonely.

I made my way over to the bedside table and picked up my phone. Fifteen missed calls and messages. I sighed and pressed the phone to my ear.

"_Bella Swan, it's me, your best friend Alice Brandon. You remember me, right? Well it looks as though I missed your call, now why have you missed mine? Call me back and maybe we can get to the bottom of this puzzling mystery! You know my number."_

"_Bella – it's Alice –"_

"_Bella!"_

"_Bel –"_

I deleted one frantic message after the other until I got a message with a male voice.

"_Hey, Bella, how's it going? It's Carlisle. Well, I've read your novel and, surprise, surprise, I _love_ it! You, young lady, are on your way to the best sellers list if I have anything to say about it, and I _do_ because I'm your publicist. Let's meet as soon as you're available – just drop on by and let Tanya at reception know that you're ready to see me – and then we can discuss the details. Thank you so much for choosing our firm as your publisher and I promise you, we will not disappoint. I'll see you later. Thank you, bye."_

I let out a huge lungful of air, and felt some of my depression fade and a sense of well-deserved accomplishmenttake over.

With that happy feeling pervading my body, I called Alice.

"Well, well, well," Alice answered, "So she _is_ alive."

"I'm sorry I've missed your calls, Alice…I was asleep…and I've been through a lot in the past few days…It's all been rather crazy – I have so much to tell you about."

And I told her everything, while excluding the parts that concerned my hallucinations about Edward. Alice was elated for me, and her enthusiasm was enough to pull me out of my slump. In that moment, I told her about Jacob and my mixed feelings about him – which was hard since I couldn't say that I was already in love with someone, because that would lead to her questioning who and I certainly couldn't tell her about Edward.

Alice was excited that I'd found someone and she did what my body and heart just couldn't do themselves – she gave me her approval to take things further with Jacob.

If I didn't have Alice's approval, I don't know if I wouldn't have done what I did next after ending my conversation with Alice. I called Jacob and asked him on another date.

Of course, I knew that I'd be leaving later that day, after I had finished talking with Carlisle about my book deal, but Jacob was more than willing to come up to Forks, not only to see me, but also to catch up with his father. I was sure that this arrangement would make things difficult for myself, since I'd be allowing Jacob to come to my home…which housed the ghost that I loved.

A part of me though that this was a bad idea, that this could lead to a confrontation…if Edward did decide to show himself…But another part of me wanted that particular thing to happen. I _wanted_ to see what would happen if Edward actually saw me with another man, for it was one thing for him to think it was important for me to move on and find someone who I could "actually" be with, and a completely different thing for him to see it right there in action, happening in his own house.

And with this part of me, there was another part that was hopeful that Edward would _not_ be okay with seeing me with another man and would show himself to me again and take me back. I knew, in my mind, that this was weak of me, hoping for a ghost that rejected me to take me back, but I didn't care. I loved Edward and I knew he loved me. I just wished he wasn't such a martyr, willing to give up his own happiness and thrust me out into the world to find a much more solid, substantial love. But such was the way things were.

With my decisions in place, I headed off to see Carlisle, where we hashed out the necessary decisions and details that would get my book on the shelves. I told him that I was willing to give him most of the project, that I wasn't pushy about what the cover looked like or the font, that I was happy enough to have it published. Thankfully, Carlisle's firm was the big initiator in getting the process done and Carlisle told me I wouldn't have to be very much involved and he'd call me if he ever needed me to come down to Seattle again to sort through things.

After tying up all these loose ends, I felt free enough to pack things up and head home. I wasn't sure what would happen once I got there, if I would get luck and Edward would give up and reveal himself to me again. I didn't know what would happen the following Friday when Jacob would come up to Forks and we would have our second date. I wasn't sure what I would let happen that time, if I'd let him kiss me. I wanted it to be for the right reasons, and really, if I wasn't kidding myself, I knew that I would want him to kiss me right smack there in the middle of the living room, surely in front of Edward, wherever he was. I would shake Edward's world to the ground if I had to, to get him to show himself again. That I knew in my very core.

What I didn't expect was for my feelings for Jacob to grow…

***

It had been three whole weeks since I'd returned from Forks and life was…better. I had come back uncertain, but when Edward didn't show…I knew my answer and Jacob became a fixture in my life that I was beginning to depend upon. It was a quirk in life that I hadn't been expecting. When I brought Jacob home for the first time after I'd returned, I was expecting the worst…or deep in my heart, the best: that Edward would show. And what happened instead was…nothing.

Not a whisper, and not even that tickling feeling that I got at the back of my neck at times when I knew he was around…He was just…not there. And, instead of sinking me…Jacob was there as my buoy. He kept me floating…and I saw him after that day. And again. And again.

On our fourth date he took me on a picnic near his father's house…I let him kiss me this time, on the mouth. It was sweet…like biting into a strawberry. His mouth was warm and savory…It was nothing like _his_ kiss, but I was pulling away from the comparisons, I was shutting off that part of my life…and I was finding that I was okay with moving forward. Jacob helped with that.

We were a solid couple now. Even Alice had met him and approved. She was planning a big double date for us…not that I was excited about that. Jacob loved Alice, he thought she was a riot. I could still catch glimpses of his snobbish self, but they were few and far between now.

My work at the bookstore was going well. Charlie was happy and he made my life better by being in it. I was in constant touch with Carlisle as well. In fact, the book was all set to go to print and I was taking a small trip down to Seattle to have a final meeting with Carlisle about the font and the cover art. I was also planning on making a small surprise visit to see Jacob at his home in Seattle. He was there now, settling a few business meetings. He had told me of his address in passing, but he'd never invited me there before. I thought that with a good surprise, we could finally make the next step in our relationship.

Alice was there to kiss me on the cheek and wish me good luck. I gave her a quick smile before pulling out in my car and heading down the road to Seattle. On the way, I thought about how I was feeling…It took me a moment to figure out that the difference between how I felt now and how I felt just weeks ago was…that I could actually _breathe_. I didn't have that hole in my chest anymore. And it was…freeing. I had a smile on my face the rest of the ride over.

I found Jacob's house easily enough. It was in the more suburban area of Seattle, big mansions sheltered by thick trees and approachable only by large, wandering driveways. I was in awe of the place and a little excited to see the inside of it.

Jacob's house was a pale shade of blue, at least three stories and seemed to go on forever in the back. When I rung the bell, a maid answered. A maid!

"How can I help you?" the older woman dressed in deep black asked.

"Yes, um, I'm here to see Jacob," I told her brightly. A look crossed the woman's face…one, it seemed, of knowing and I was sure she was going to say something, but instead, she just pressed her lips into a thin line and nodded.

"Right this way," she whispered, leading me into the depths of the house. We walked passed large, spacious rooms with beautiful, soft carpeting. The woman stopped just outside a warm, cream colored room with plush looking sofas and a fire place with a beautiful landscape above the mantle.

"Wait in here," she demanded, then left. Hesitantly, I stepped into the room. I made my way to the couch nearest the sofa and sat down, marveling in the softness. I just sank into it. It was the most comfortable thing I'd ever sat on. I was just smoothing my hands over the surface when I heard a slight, tinkling giggle.

Turning my head, I saw a tall, lean woman with jet-black hair standing in the doorway to the room.

"Um, hi?" I greeted her.

"Hello, there," she answered, stepping further into the room. "Are you waiting for Jacob?"

"Yes, actually," I replied, rubbing a hand against the back of my neck.

"Oh, and you are?" the woman asked, coming to sit on the couch across from me. Up close I could see how truly beautiful she was…I was really kind of jealous. Her hair was silky smooth and hung past her shoulders. Her neck was elegant and long and her skin just as tan as Jacob's. She actually looked like they could be related.

"Bella Swan," I supplied, reaching out my hand. "Do you work for Jacob?" A crease formed between her brows as she frowned in confusion at me. I felt almost as if I had gotten something wrong, and it was the same feeling I got when the maid had questioned me. I didn't like it. I felt a flush creep into my cheeks as the woman before me shook her head and gave me a smile.

"No, dear, I don't work for Jacob…My name is Leah. Surely Jacob has told you about me? I know he's awfully fond of you and all that…Surely he doesn't keep secrets?" She gave me a simpering smile and I felt as though I were being treated as a child. This time, I frowned.

"No…He never said anything about you. Should he have?" The woman, Leah, laughed that tinkling laugh I'd heard before and smirked.

"Dear, dear. It looks as if our Jacob has gotten himself into a little predicament that I'm going to have to end up remedying. You see, I know all that he does and it's all fine by me, but…well if the other's don't know, it's his fault for not saying so…and that's where I draw the line and step in…You should be given a choice, after all. That's what I believe. Ah, well…" She sighed and cocked her head, considering me.

"Listen, I don't understand what you're talking about. What do you mean 'others'?" What I really wanted to say was "What do you mean by "our Jacob." What on earth could this woman and I have in common about Jacob that would make her say "our"?

Leah reached out a hand and stroked my cheek. "And I was so sure you were okay with it, that he'd told you. I thought that's the only reason why you'd given him a chance at all? I was surprised when he'd come back telling me that he was hanging out with you…I know your type, Bella Swan, and they don't usually like sharing…But, he seemed so happy with it, I decided to let it be…But now, with you showing up here like this without any notice…I know now what we're dealing with. I really should reprimand him for letting it get this out of hand!" Leah chuckled and let her hand fall.

"Please, just tell me who you are and where Jacob is so I can talk to him. I just don't understand!" I felt like crying. What Leah was saying was scaring me and I didn't' like it. It was all to eerie and my mind was beginning to assume things that I didn't want to believe just yet.

"Dear, dear, no need to get upset…But my, you are a pretty one, aren't you? One of the prettiest Jacob's ever brought by, I must say…It is a pity that you won't be hanging on for long now…I can tell."

"Stop it!" I shrieked. "Just say it, say what it is you want to say and then leave me alone!"

And then she said the words that I feared the most but knew in my heart, now, to be true.

"Honey, I'm Leah Black. I'm Jacob's wife."

Wife.

Wife.

Leah Black. Leah. The words echoed around my head until I couldn't think straight anymore. I couldn't see straight. And then I hit the floor.

* * *

**Soooooooooo. Cliff hanger!!!! You thought I wouldn't do that to you? Well, sorry, it's just the way things happen. And I know it will make some angry and they'll want to through things at me or punch me in the face, but hey, I'm sure you've done it at one point or another in _your_ writing, so I have my own right. Plenty of authors have done it to me as well and I know what a slap in the face it can be, but just SIU it. (Suck It Up). Deal. It's over, the words have been written and the chapter has been finalized. It is what it is and there's no stopping it. Wait for the next chapter. Cheers. Review. I don't care if their "hate reveiws" "burns" or what ever. Just pleases me to know you all care enough about this story to even write back in the first place. **

Playlist:

One and Only – Barenaked Ladies

Some Way Through This – The Black Ghosts

Tiny Little Fractures – Snow Patrol

The Ghost of You Lingers – Spoon

42 - Coldplay

* * *


	19. Look Where We Are Now

"Bella?! Bella!!! Bells! Can you hear me?" _Slap_. And I was up, clutching my cheek. Jacob pulled back from his position hovering over me, a concerned look on his face.

"D-id you j-ust _slap_ me?" I stammered. My cheek was warm beneath my palm. My heart was hammering in my chest and I was getting the jitters. Everything was coming back to me now…I glanced around and spotted her.

"Y-you!" I cried. "P-please tell me – Oh Gosh – You're not, you can't be –"

"Bells!" Jacob rushed, grabbing me by my shoulders. "Calm down here."

"Oh, Jacob, really, stop mollycoddling her. She's a grown woman." Jacob glanced back at Leah, giving me enough time to spring to my feet.

"I – I gotta get out of here." I stumbled around on my legs, feeling weak, but I managed to get to the hallway, but not without Jacob on my tail.

"Bells, wait!"

"No!" I shouted. He grabbed my arm but I shook him off. I stopped just outside the doorway, looking back at Jacob. Leah stood just behind him, smirking.

"Why, why do you stand it, Leah? Why do you let him do this to you?" Leah shrugged and looked at her nails.

"Well, life pays being Mrs. Jacob Black. I don't care how many other women Jacob fools around with, they're just that: _other women_. He's never going to divorce me. I never have to live in squalor and I get prestige. Tell me you wouldn't do the same thing if you were in my position?" She looked at me, her eyes humorous. I just shook my head.

"And you, Jacob?" I all but whimpered. "How could you choose such a wife? And was all that stuff you told me when you were 'bearing your soul' true? Or was it just a lie? A lie to hook me?" Jacob looked down at his sleek Italian leather shoes.

"Bella – It, it was just…I didn't want to lose you," he whispered. He couldn't even look me in the face as he told me he was a liar and a cheat. I shook my head, tears spilling down my cheeks as I contemplated him.

"All this? And for what? What did you think was even going to happen? That I wouldn't find out? That I would what, marry you? That's illegal. And I can't even stand to look at you right now. _Don't ever call me_. I don't ever want to see your lying face again! You hurt me more than words can say." And with that, I turned, with not a glace back, and headed to my car.

"Bella, please!" I heard him call after me. I listened to the pain in his voice and shook my head. There was no way in hell he hurt more than me right now. I slammed my car door and sped out of there like a bat out of hell.

I don't know how I made it out of there without breaking down. It took me about just outside of Seattle that the waterworks started. I started sobbing so hard I couldn't see the road. I pulled over and curled up in the fetal position in the front seat and cried until I couldn't breathe. Snot ran out of my nose and my eyes were red-stained, my face tear-streaked as a rain slicker. I couldn't move, I could only shiver, whimpering as I thought about all the time and love and care I had given up to Jacob and how I knew I truly had betrayed Edward. I had fallen in love with a cheating jerk, who never truly loved me, he just wanted me because his own wife bored him to death. I would have become a side dish to satiate his appetite.

The thought of that made me choke and tears spring to my eyes.

"Edward!" I sobbed, hoping against hope that somehow he could hear me, somehow join me here in my car and bring me back to life.

"Edward…" I rasped. Edward refused to appear…or maybe we just weren't as connected as we once were. I stared at the inside of my eyelids for what felt like hours on the side of the road. I couldn't bring myself to move, to get out of this.

And then there was a tap on my window. Blearily, I opened my eyes and looked out the driver side door. A cop was standing out there, glaring down at me. I sat up, still disjointed and a bit delirious, and rolled down the window.

"C-can I help you?" I mumbled, rubbing a hand at my eyes and trying to get the cop in focus.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" the man asked. I thought about it for a moment. Was I alright? My body would tell me, no, no I was physically ill and my mind would have to agree, yes, I was ill, ill enough that I couldn't think straight – but I wasn't about to get this complete stranger involved, especially since he couldn't help me…Alice could. I had to get to Alice.

"Yes, yes, I'm alright," I replied, giving the cop my best 'A-okay' face I could. I don't think he believed me, but it wasn't in his place to say so.

"Alright, ma'am. I just wondered if you were having car troubles or something. If there's nothing I can do, then I guess I'll move along."

"Thank you for checking up on me, officer." He nodded and headed back to his car, which was idling just behind mine. Once he was in, I revved up my engine and got back on the road. My head was clearer, now, from pretending to be normal, so thankfully I stayed within my lane as I drove away from him. Forks was not too far away, so I focused all my energy on one thing and one thing only: getting home to Alice.

*

"Alice!" Bella called, banging on the door that Alice's directions had led her to. This was only the third or fourth time she had actually been to Jasper's apartment, and she still wasn't sure if she'd be more likely to find Alice there or Jasper. The door cracked open and I was greeted by Jasper's shining face.

"Hey, Bella, what's up?" Jasper's smile faded a bit at the sight of my face. Subconsciously, I ran a hand through my hair and against my face. I could feel the streaks left from all the water my eyes had poured over my face.

"Y-yeah…Um, fine. Is Alice home? I really need to talk to her," I mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

"No, actually…She's out shopping. Is there anything I can do to help?" Dang Jasper and his uncanny ability to pick up on my moods…although, granted, I was very easy to read.

"Well…It's very complicated and really, I just need my best friend. You know…this is a girl thing." I blushed bright red and started to turn away.

"Bella, wait," Jasper called and griped my shoulder gently. I turned and was hit by the soft look in Jasper's eyes. "Whatever it is, it looks like you're not doin so good…You can stay here till she gets back. And if you feel like it, you can tell me what's bothering you. Honestly, Bella you can trust me, whatever it is…And, I may not be a girl…but I think I can wrap my head around it. Plus, I could give you a different perspective on the situation since I'm a guy." He made a good point. Plus, it's true, I could trust Jasper. I trusted him with Alice, so I could trust him with myself.

"Alright," I agreed, and followed him into the house. Jasper led me to the living room and there I simply sank into the black leather sofa facing the fireplace. Jasper took a seat in the recliner opposite me. For a while we just sat in silence. There was really nothing to say, and yet I got the feeling that Jasper read more out of that silence than if I'd been talking incessantly about every single thing I hated about Jacob Black and how much he'd hurt me, emotionally and physically.

"I don't think I noticed it until now, but I think you had a glow about you a couple of weeks ago, back before you made that first trip to Seattle," Jasper stated, looking at me. I didn't know what to say to that.

"And now, looking at you, I'd say something just went down, back in Seattle…Which means that it was either Jacob Black or something about your novel. From the looks of you, I'd say it must have been him. I only met him once, but I got a weird vibe from him. I really couldn't see you with him, Bella…your emotions both just seemed to clash…you're much more a blue and he's totally a red…and, while they're both primaries, it just doesn't work out in real life. I mean, blue blood is oxygen deprived and red blood is oxygen enriched…so you're really opposites."

I just stared in disbelief at him. Jasper, up until this point, had never shown this side of himself. While Alice constantly told me tales of how intuitive he was about people and reading them, I'd no idea that he was so perceptive. He really was the best psychologist I'd ever met.

"He really must have hurt you, Bella. I can see it in your eyes…they don't look right. They haven't looked right for a while now…Almost as if…Well, let me tell you something, it's just a little theory of mine, but I could be very wrong." He paused, as if to gauge my consent. I didn't say anything so he continued.

"When we first met, when Alice introduced us, I saw something in your eyes…in your whole demeanor actually, that suggested fulfillment…or completion, if you will…" His voice had that tone of a scientist explaining his findings, very authoritative. It unnerved me to no end…and yet I was fascinated with what he was saying…and completely terrified of just how close to the truth he was coming.

"You looked…to put it in simple terms…like Alice did when I realized she was in love with me…I thought, for sure, actually, that you were with someone, or had met someone who had changed your life, that you loved most deeply. This aura grew about you in the course of the next few weeks…but then, all of a sudden, that look changed…Like something tragic had happened…My guess, that he had broken up with you or somehow the two of you had been severed in some way…But even when you had bonded with Jacob and physically looked healthier and happier than you had in the last couple weeks, I could still sense that you weren't the same any longer, as if a piece of you were missing.

"Now, I might be completely off base or totally overstepping lines here, Bella, but whatever it is that's happened to you…I understand, if you need to talk about it. I can just be there for you…I know you're Alice's best friend, and that means you're like family. I want to help you because I care about you and I know it would be what Alice would want. You don't have to worry about me telling Alice things if you're not ready to discuss them. It could be like, doctor-patient confidentiality. I am certified, you know…I mean, not in anything medical, but…"

"It's okay, Jasper," I assured him, softly. He stopped at the sound of my voice and gave me an apologetic smile. "Thank you," I whispered, looking down at my hands. Thank you for telling me that. You know…you really are amazing." And that was all I needed to tell him. He didn't push me or ask me to verify anything.

And just like that, Jasper and I had a connection unlike anything I'd ever experienced. And it was freeing. Finally someone else knew what I was going through…and that made it easier for me to make the decision to tell Alice about Edward. I had to…and she'd expect it of me, as her best friend. We never kept secrets…and here I had one, a life changing one, and I hadn't told her. And it had backfired, because I wound up having to bottle everything up inside me…and that made the pain and the suffering worse. I was broken and I needed her to help pull me up.

We didn't have to wait long for Alice, she returned half an hour after Jasper had given me his little talk. She was, obviously, surprised to see me.

"Bella?! What are you doing here? I thought you were going to go surprise Jacob?" The moment she said his name a giant shiver ran up my spine. And, of course, what with Alice's extremely perceptive eyes, she picked up on it. "What's going on, Bella? Spill," she demanded.

"Oh Alice," I exclaimed, my voice quivering as tears pricked my eyes, "I've made a-a terrible mistake!"

"Oh, sweetie," Alice sighed, opening up her arms and I immediately ran to her and threw myself into her arms. I was full-out sobbing now, which was not the first time that day, of course, but somehow my body still had enough water left in my body to force out. She held me as I cried and rocked me. I don't know how long we stayed in that position, but eventually she got Jasper to help her move me back to the sofa, where she sat next to me with her arm cradling me to her.

"Now, Bella, I want you to tell me everything. Don't leave anything out, and I mean it." It was almost as if she was on the same wavelength as Jasper – it was like she _knew_ I was hiding something from her that went beyond Jacob. I knew this was my moment to break the news to her and hope that she wouldn't hate me for keeping such a big secret from her.

"Alice, I have a lot to tell you…" I sucked in my breath, "and it all began when I came to Forks and moved into my new home…And it all fell apart because I fell in love with Edward Masen."

* * *

**Well, guys, I must apologize for the Edward-no-show, but I wanted to get this up because I know how impatient you guys are to figure out what happens. Trust me and please forgive me for waiting, but Edward _will_ be in the next chapter, don't worry. Now, if you would please, please review and let me know what you thougth about this chapter. Thanks for sticking with the story...it's almost finished with, which is sad, but I will be starting a new story after this so I won't be absent for long. Well, until next time. Cheers.**

* * *

Playlist:

42 – Coldplay

Knife Going In – Tegan & Sara

Look Where We Are Now – Teddy Geiger

The Conversation – Motion City Soundtrack

Cheating On You – Franz Ferdinand


	20. Swan Song

"Edward Masen? Do you mean that guy whose portrait's in your bedroom? But, Bella, I thought you said he was dead…I don't understand…" Alice got that look in her eye that I knew too well…she was trying to work it out on her own. I had to stop her before she drew any conclusions.

"Alice, I know this isn't going to sound right…and you'll probably think I'm crazy, but –"

"Bella, I won't think you're crazy. You're my best friend, I've known you for years. If you were going to go crazy, I would have had a feeling by now," she insisted, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. I only felt marginally better about this.

"Well, I don't know about that, Alice, but it's going to sound pretty crazy…"

"If you could tell Jasper and he's okay with it, then of course I'll be okay with it. I know you. I know you."

I sighed and ran a hand through my limp hair. Alice was making it so hard for me to let it go. She was so trusting already, and that would just make it sting worse if she ended up not believing me. But I knew I had to tell her. She had a right to now.

"Alice, Edward Masen is dead…he's a ghost that's been haunting my – his – house for a while now…I fell in love with him weeks ago and…well…he disappeared on me because he didn't want me to be hung up on someone who was dead, who couldn't be there for me like a living person could…And so…well…that's why I'd been so depressed lately…You remember." I chanced a glance at her face. I was expecting shock, horror, perhaps revulsion…but Alice, forever steady Alice, only gave me a weak smile.

"Yes, I remember. Go on, sweetie," she prompted.

"Well…it was right before I turned in that story…And while I was down in Seattle, I met Jacob…And you know that story," I hedged, not wanting to get into that story. Alice sighed beside me and I looked up yet again, to see a crease form between her brows.

"What?" Alice shook her head for a moment.

"Bella, I know that part of the reason you're here is to talk to me about that…I had a feeling this would happen…you know how I am."

"You had a feeling about Jacob?" I questioned, frowning myself.

"Yes…when we first met, when he came up here…I just felt…Something was…off. I don't know." Alice shook her head again and gave me an apologetic smile.

"You had a feeling about Jacob and you didn't tell me?" I gasped, a little incensed.

"Sorry, Bella."

"No, you should have told me!" I cried, tears pricking my eyes. "If you had, I wouldn't have gotten in so deep! You know I trust you about those kinds of things!"

"Bella, sweetie, I didn't say anything because you were finally starting to perk up! You were looking so much better than you had been…And I didn't want to ruin that! And besides, if you kept this thing with Edward from me! You don't think that was a big deal? Huh? Wouldn't that have been an important thing for me to know?" Alice gave me a cross look and I dropped my head.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I conceded. I knew she was right. We had both been less than open with each other and it was no use pointing fingers.

"So, what happened then, with Jacob?" Alice prompted me. I looked up at her and a new flood of tears lined my eyes.

"He's married!" I cried and buried my head in our clasped hands. I felt Alice's free hand stroke my hair as she exclaimed her dismay.

"I don't believe it! Married! What a – Well, there aren't words strong enough to call him what he is…I can't believe he'd do something like that to you…"

"I know," my muffled voice called. My head felt too heavy to raise, what with all the weight of this sadness upon me. "I met his wife down in Seattle when I was going to surprise him…He came in and then he spilled everything…It…was…awful!" I sobbed.

"There, there, sweetie," Alice murmured. I cried for another period of time, before I raised my head and looked at my best friend.

"Edward even warned me about him…and I didn't listen…" I whimpered.

"What do you mean, Edward warned you?" Alice questioned, frowning again. I had surprised myself by telling her that. I hadn't even thought about it much myself until now…All those times that Edward had appeared to me, trying to tell me something…It had made me feel worse at the time and I'd just attributed it to my heart and mind playing games with me, bringing me what I most wanted to see…But now I felt as if Edward had really been there, had been trying to help me without breaking his promise to me not to bother me any longer.

"He…he would show up at times…whenever I was feeling…particularly down…and he, he'd tell me not to get involved with Jacob…that I was different and Jacob didn't know that, wouldn't respect that…I should have listened! Oh Edward!" I sobbed even harder. "I've betrayed him, Alice! I told him I loved him. I still love him and here I was, getting so close to Jacob! I nearly gave my heart to him. How could I be so stupid! How could I be so misled! How could I give my heart up when it already belongs to someone else! Edward doesn't deserve me!" I dropped my head again, this time the weight feeling millions of times larger than it had before…

I felt so heavy with it, like I was going to sink down into the earth. My heart, which for that sweetest time when I was with him beat only for Edward, but then I went and mangled that love, that ownership by nearly trusting it to Jacob, a man I barely knew, who I had felt suspicious of from the start…My own eyes had failed to see the warning signs. Instead, they'd been blinded by Jacob's beauty, and I had swallowed all of Jacob's words as if they were my only sustenance. How could Edward ever forgive me now?

"Bella, Edward will forgive you." I looked up at Alice. I must have said that last part allowed, or Alice's mind reading abilities had improved. She looked so sure, so confident. How could I believe it , though. She didn't know Edward.

"Alice, you can't know that."

"I don't _have _to know it. It's obvious. Bella, I know he loves you back, I can feel how strong his love for you is."

"How-how," I stuttered, confused.

"I just do, Bella. Being around you those few weeks back…I felt something was different about you. I didn't know about Edward, sure, but there was a glow about you…And it wasn't just that…I felt…this presence…as if there was someone standing beside you all the time, moving with you, feeling with you, as if they were a part of you, protecting you. I know _I_ sound crazy now, but I swear, Bella. And that feeling hasn't gone away. Even when you were with Jacob, I still felt it. And I'm pretty sure that what I was feeling was probably Edward's presence. I don't think he's left your side since you first met. I know he loves you and I know that whatever you choose to do, Edward will be there for you…He's a very protective ghost…I approve," she decided, nodding her head decisively.

I merely started blankly at her.

"Bella, come on. I get that you were afraid I would be freaked at you falling for a ghost and all…but it's not that strange when you think about it…His life had only just begun when he died, right? Well, obviously he was meant to be with you. He _had_ to wait, he had to stay around because he hadn't met you yet. It wasn't his time to go. He needs you just as much as you need him. And if anyone can care for you better than me…well…that's saying something and I approve. You don't have anything to worry about. Whatever happened with Jacob, Edward will understand. In fact," Alice smiled wryly. "I think he'd probably take care of Jacob if you asked him to." I just shook my head at that.

"He probably would take care of Jacob regardless," I guessed. "I know what kind of temper he has. He's not the kind to just sit around when someone's done wrong by him. "

"You see!" Alice giggled. Then, suddenly, she hugged me.

"What's that for, Alice?" I asked after we'd pulled back. She smiled at me and shook her head, tears of her own popping up in her eyes.

"I'm just glad that you could confide in me about this, Bella…It took guts and I'm proud of you and happy all at the same time!"

"Alice, I'm so glad that you're my friend. I love you."

"I love you too, Bella Swan!" We both hugged and sobbed until we didn't have any tears left.

*

It was late by the time I had left Alice and Jasper's. The Weight was still there, but I was feeling better now that I had confided in Alice. My stomach churned, though, as I approached my house. I knew that Edward was probably there…but who knew if I would be able to get him to come out.

I was determined though. I needed this and I needed him. Alice had helped me realize just how precious my feelings for Edward were and I wasn't about to let him go without a fight. I wanted him and Jacob made me realize I wouldn't have any other than Edward. He was mine and I was his and I was going to make him see that.

The door squeaked as I opened it. Stepping inside, I felt the coolness of the air against my skin, goose bumps prickling my arms. I squared my shoulders, though, and marched in. I went straight to my bedroom, knowing that that would be the best place to find him. It was our space and he was always so much more real there.

"Edward?" I whispered, still not sure why I was whispering. There was no response and I felt a little disheartened.

"Edward, I need you please…You were right about Jacob…He…he hurt me and I – I know you're the only one who can fix it…I just…Please don't leave me alone anymore…" I waited a beat and felt the cold start to tug at the insides of my heart…He couldn't just let me be…not after what I'd been through…

"I know you're there – now show yourself…Please," I finally whimpered, feeling tears prick my eyes. "I need you." I buried my face in my hands. A moment later there was a ghostly fluttering against the skin of my hand.

"I know I've told you not to hide that pretty face of yours before," his velvety voice greeted my ears for the first time in what felt like forever. I felt a fluttering in my heart and suddenly it was not enough that I could just hear his voice. I allowed him to bring my hands away from my face, his touch a spark against my chilled skin – a testament against his previous notions that he could only bring me cold. I looked gratefully into his swimming green orbs, those eyes that brought the world to a spinning halt. How I'd longed for them when I could no longer have the right to…It felt as if I were seeing for the first time.

"I'm sorry – I" I tried to start, but he stopped me.

"Shhh," he hushed, brushing the few stray tears that had spilled from my eyes off of my cheeks. "Just let me take care of you, Bella." I felt my heart zing at the sound of him using my first name. After all the time that we'd known each other, he'd only ever called me Swan… I thought I'd never hear him say my name again.

"Edward," I sighed. His name on my lips and I felt like I could die right there and be happy. I just wanted him to hold me.

"Bella..." He smiled, but the sadness in his eyes told me that we weren't over the hardest part yet. "I know you have every reason to hate me, but I must tell you that it is I who should be sorry…And I shall spend eternity begging for your forgiveness if you'll just have me back." I felt a tug at my heart, hearing his velvety voice, so broken like that. I couldn't let him spend another second thinking that he needed forgiveness.

"Just stop thinking about that and tell me you can still love me?" I pleaded, my heart beating in my throat as I waited for his answer. If he couldn't love me anymore, I'd die and spend the rest of _my_ eternity begging him to forgive _me_.

A fierceness took hold of Edward's eyes as his hands became manacles around my wrists and he brought me forward so that our faces were nearly inches apart, his eyes locked with me.

"I will _always_ love you, Bella Swan and you will never doubt my love again." And with that, his hand sunk into the depths of my hair and he fiercely pressed his lips to mine.

* * *

Playlist

Swan Song – A Fine Frenzy

Believe Me Now – Electric Light Orchestra

Thank You – Led Zeppelin

I Will Follow You into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie

Yes – Coldplay

* * *

**Well, I apologize for the long wait. Computer problems mostly. Anyhow, I hope you liked the chapter. The end of the story is near and I've already got lots of ideas for this new story that I'm going to write. You guys will love it I swear! Well, leave me your comments and I'll be one happy writer. Cheers!**


	21. Home

_Previously on GHOST_:

"I'm sorry – I" I tried to start, but he stopped me.

"Shhh," he hushed, brushing the few stray tears that had spilled from my eyes off of my cheeks. "Just let me take care of you, Bella." I felt my heart zing at the sound of him using my first name. After all the time that we'd known each other, he'd only ever called me Swan… I thought I'd never hear him say my name again.

* * *

Chapter 21:

I had missed his touch, his kiss so much…It had been _too_ long and I couldn't bear not getting closer now. So I gladly opened my mouth up to him and let his tongue mingle with mine.

"Mmmm," Edward hummed and pulled me tighter to him, his arms securely wrapping around my waist as mine slid up and fisted in his hair. I was running out of breath but I didn't care – I needed this, needed him.

Edward allowed me to breathe by moving his lips across my skin, down to my neck, sucking playfully on my pulse point. When I moaned, he sucked harder, almost as if he were determined to leave a mark, which now I was sure must be his intent. Leave mark on me, prove that he was there, was _real_. I didn't mind, I wanted it just as much as he did.

"Edward," I panted, my fingers curling around the hair at the base of his neck.

"Hmmmm," he hummed, done marking me and moving down to my collarbone, sucking lightly there too.

"Make love to me," I breathed. I felt his hold immediately tighten, his fingers curling into my skin. Slowly, his lips ghosted up my skin, sure never to leave my body, before coming back to rest on my lips. He rested them there while his eyes stared intently into mine.

"Is this what you truly want?" he whispered against my lips. I could see the longing in his eyes, but there was also wariness. He didn't want to hurt me –

"I do. It's the only way I'll ever be truly whole…I need you, Edward…You're the missing part of me. I need you and I don't think I can wait anymore. I _want_ this." I was sure of myself, but there was a question in my voice, almost as if I had been saying _I_ want this…do you? Edward knew. He could hear it even if I hadn't spoken it. His eyes blazed with a sudden determination.

"I'll _always_ want you, Bella. And I'll do anything in my power to keep you safe…to make you whole…If I'm yours, you're mine. I need you too. I –"

"Say it," I demanded. I needed to hear it. It would be the prelude to the finality of him filling me for real.

"I _love_ you," he breathed fiercely and I felt the heat of his gaze.

"Mmf" was all that escaped from my mouth as I closed the infinitesimal gap between our lips and kissed him. He was mine. And I was his. Edward kissed me as fiercely as he had spoken those beautiful words. We battled this time, two desperate souls seeking release, fulfillment, anything to close any gap that existed between us. It was impossibly, beautifully, perfectly fragile.

Panting, Edward broke away. "Say it," he repeated my words back to me. He kissed roughly up and down my cheek before moving to my neck on the other side and sucking harder than ever, pulling blood quickly to the surface. "Say it," he snarled into my flesh.

"I _love you_, Edward Anthony Masen," I hissed, the pleasure/pain causing my body to tingle with anticipation and, admittedly, pure lust. He growled at the words and his lips came crashing down on mine as he pushed me into the wall, his body pressing impossibly close, his hands securing me to him. I gladly wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him to me and capturing him, just as he was capturing me.

"_Mine_," he hissed into my mouth, biting my lip. "Mine – say it!"

"Mmmm, ahhh, _yours_," I gasped, struggling to stay afloat as I felt swept up in a torrent of pleasure, love, heart-wrenching want. I knew what he was doing – There was something inside him now that he had to lose, that fear of being pushed aside again, of coming out second in this fight for my love. He let me go once and he was not about to do it again. Now he was proving it, not only to himself, but also to me. That word that fell from my lips was the seal to this unbreakable bond that we had created for each other, long before Jacob Black ever entered our lives. Neither of us had admitted it then, but we were still new to each other, too unsure of each other to make any move forward like this.

I was broken and now I was ready to be put back together, I was ready for Edward to put me back together – and he was proving now that he was more than willing. He was desperate to do it.

I loved the feel of Edward falling with me into the midnight-blue sheets, with only the light of the full moon to guide us, to shimmer across our writhing bodies as we undress, as we fell into that sea together.

Just as I knew that I had been broken, I knew the moment that I became whole again – when Edward filled me and we were finally one. I could have cried at the sheer ecstasy of finally having him, of finally being his. What we did together that night – it was beautiful, magical – it was love incarnate.

We reached our highs together, with only each others names falling from our lips. I couldn't place it exactly, but at that moment, when we fell over that edge together, it felt as if something more had happened – more than just the crossing of that bridge together, more than just the feeling of being healed, being whole again. I had a feeling, however, that that feeling was more significant for Edward, for his eyes, as I watched them, seemed to glow so bright, his face a perfect picture of ecstasy and beauty – it was something I'd never seen in him before. It touched me deep inside to know that I had done that for him.

And after, Edward held me. He held me in his arms tightly, as if he were afraid I'd disappear – but I clung back, afraid that he would again slip through my fingers, ghostly, insubstantial, not there… The tears did come then – but they were ones of joy, of utter happiness. I sobbed at how perfect the moment was and Edward hummed to me my lullaby, kissing my cheeks, sharing the moment with me.

What I don't know is when I finally fell asleep, but I do know that when I did, I had never been more peaceful, more content.

* * *

Playlist:

Transaltlanticisim – Death Cab for Cutie

Home – Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros

All of me – Louis Armstrong

Heers – Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin

Farther Along - Spirit

* * *

**Well, there it is. I hope you like it. This story is winding to a close, but don't be sad. All stories have an end, just as this one does, but no fear - I already have another story in mind. You'll like it if you like this one. It's definately out there and AU and all that. But please, don't let that through you off. It's going to be great! Swear it up and down! Cheers, and please, please, please review - it'll make my day and I really need one of those.**


	22. We Belong

I awoke with the feeling of warmth. It existed inside of my chest, spreading out to my extremities. My heart felt full, I felt refreshed, giddy, better than I had in a long time. I took stock of myself, stretching my legs, and shifting slightly. The warmth beneath my cheek, resting upon Edward's chest, felt delightful, inspiring.

But what was that thumping? Beneath my ear I could feel it: _thump, thump, thump_, a strangely, yet difficult to place, familiar sound. And then my own heart stopped. _Edward_?

I sat up quickly, looking down at Edward, resting in all his glory, his beautiful chest, where I had so recently been resting my head. I stared at it, my eyes darting over to take in the sight of his face – and then I saw it – that slow, familiar rise and fall that was so natural to every single human being, clouded with sleep. And then I heard it, the breathy exhale, but it wasn't from me…Edward was breathing…My eyes widened and quickly I again laid my head down upon his chest, listening. My head rose and fell with his chest, but that was not what I was attempting to discover, no. I was listening for that sound, the symphony that only a living heart could make. And lo and behold, there it was – the _thump, thump, thump_ of Edward's long dormant heart.

"EDWARD!" I screeched, jumping out of bed, but not before reaching over and slinging his abandoned shirt over myself. At the sound of my shriek, Edward jerked up, his eyes blinking rapidly and his hands searching.

"What! Bella? Are you alright? What is it?" He looked frantic, and his arms sought me out, beckoning me back to him. All I could do was shake my head.

"Edward – " my voice quivered. "Do you feel different?" I watched him, unconsciously biting my lip. He frowned at me, before giving me a wide smile.

"Of course I feel different – I feel better, better than I have in years, Bella, thanks to you. Gosh you felt amazing last night – I'll never let you go, ever again. Now come here so I can give you a proper good morning," he growled, giving me a playful smirk. I shook my head vehemently, causing him to frown.

"Bella?"

"Edward, just hold on a second. Just, close your eyes and think. _How_ do you feel different, please?" I coaxed.

"Sure, Bella, anything for you love," he whispered, closing his eyes, a small smile playing at his lips. "I feel…warm, whole, so…alive…………….I – " He frowned, his brow crinkling and I knew that it was starting to dawn on him. I watched as his hands, came up and rested over his heart. Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he looked at me with such shock and disbelief, his green eyes sparkling with such a newfound clearness that I wondered if he had been fully transformed, an newer being than if he had just been born that very moment.

"Bella," he gasped, his eyes watering and he reached out for me. I came towards him, this time, allowing him to take my hand and bring it to join his on his chest. And we felt it together, the thumping of his newly beating heart. "I – I – I don't know what's happening – How – how can this be? I'm…alive?" He didn't seem to believe his own words, yet, even as we looked at each other, our eyes matching in disbelief, we felt the proof of his words beating against our joined palms.

"I don't understand, Edward, but…but this is a miracle…Last night…something, something _changed_. We were connected in a way I have never been with anybody else…And you…I know you felt it too…Perhaps we…we…" My voice trailed off and my eyes dropped to look at my small, pale hand, fit so easily cupped in his pale, bigger one upon his chest.

"You are without a doubt," he began and I looked up at him to see tears falling down his cheeks, shocking me into my own fit of tears, "the most amazing, beautiful, gorgeous, loving thing that has ever happened to me and I have no doubt whatsoever that you are the reason for this." He squeezed our hands that rested upon his heart. "You made me alive again, and for that, I will forever belong to you, Bella Swan. You are my life, my reason for existence, and the reason for my heart to beat. It beats for you now. You charmed it back to life, you loved it back to life. You cared so deeply for my heart, my soul, that you brought me back."

We were both full-out crying now, our tears drenching our cheeks and, suddenly, just sitting next each other wasn't enough. Edward pulled me too him, clutching me to his now warm, tingling body and I shivered, trying to get impossibly closer to him. My hands laced into his hair and my face nested into his neck, where I could feel the pulse of his excited blood beneath his skin.

"I don't know how, and I don't care, all I care about is making sure you never, ever have to leave ever again. You're not going anywhere, Bella, and I don't care if this sounds rushed or if I'll spoil this moment, but I beg you, please be my wife, please join me forever," he whispered into my ear, his arms strongly wound around my shaking body.

"Yes, Edward," was all I could manage. I pulled back and looked into his eyes. He stroked my cheeks, wet with tears and I copied the motion. We were both flushed in our joy. It was then that I could see it, directly in his eyes, my future. I saw our life together, stretching on into infinite, with laughter and joy, sometimes sorrow, sometimes sadness, but we would always be together, and for that, I would be forever grateful, that someone up there had given Edward to me. So I looked at him and pronounced my ascent, and spoke the words that my heart would forever beat:

"I'll never leave you."

_Fin_

Playlist:

We Belong –Tom Felton

Heers –Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin

**Stay tuned for my next story.**


End file.
